How To Not Feel Badly...

I don't know where I heard it, but someone said, "Just because there are so many people far worse off than you, doesn't mean your pain doesn't count." To me, that's such a great quote.

We've got this whole thing going on in our society these days, where someone is always telling us that we shouldn't feel badly because somewhere, someone is suffering so much more than we. And others tell us that we should spend no time dealing with the things that are bad in our lives, in essence, get over it and move on.

I will agree, 100%, that dwelling on problems isn't the most productive way to live. When it comes to things that we have no control over, it's probably best not to ponder them too long. I'll give you that. But the impression I get from some people is that they consider feeling badly, being upset over things that go wrong, is somehow selfish or greedy bahavior.

We work with superstition and beliefs, telling a bride that rain on the wedding day is "good luck", for example. There is nothing wrong with being encouraging and supportive. Nothing at all. But treating someone's feelings as if they're doing something wrong by hurting, well I don't always see that as constructive.

Yes, some people are never happy. If life isnt 100% perfect, they're miserable. That's not a realistic view of life, and that's not a healthy disposition. But sometimes, things do happen to people, things they may not be able to control, and the hurt they feel is very real. Are we doing them a service by telling them something like, "Oh you have so many things to be thankful for, get over it."?

I think it's sort of wrong to condemn someone for hurting. Bad things sometimes happen to good people. I think that feeling badly, being upset, is a natural reaction. I don't think that having most of one's ducks in a row should render one immune to pain. I believe we should be supportive of those who are dealing with crises, and not be too quick to dismiss what it is that is causing them pain and sadness just because most everything else is in order. No one should be made to feel inadequate or selfish because they succumb to bad feelings now and then.

Again, I'm not advocating the behavior of those who never seem to be happy. In truth, there are those who make a career out of being in the dumps. A pity-party regular, so to speak. But now and then I think everyone is entitled to hurt. Life isn't perfect, and we shouldn't expect it to be. But to me, it's not wrong to hurt occasionally.

What do you think?

A Blast Of Optimism

Sometimes, it's really how you look at things that can make the difference in the interpretation. Let's think about it this way: 2008 has to be a better year than 2007, because I really think we hit the ultimate rock bottom this year.

Things have happened, the likes of which most of us have never seen before, and if you needed one more kick to remind you of how intensely pitiful we, as a society, have become, consider this:

• GARLAND, Texas (AP) — An essay that won a 6-year-old girl four tickets to a Hannah Montana concert began with the powerful line: "My daddy died this year in Iraq."
  
  While gripping, it wasn't true — and now the girl may lose her tickets after her mom acknowledged to contest organizers it was all a lie.

Read it. It's unbelievable. And the way the mother tries to explain it away is just the thud off the bedrock that validates my opinion.

Think about everything else that's happened this year: Paris in Prison, Britney Spears in Everything...The US Government as a whole: President Bush's Administration, Senator Craig, the Presidential campaign so far. But our performance as people wasn't much better...

• In one Maine school district, the school board has okayed the distribution of birth control that could be given to girls as young as twelve.


• The idiot "judge" who sued a dry cleaner for $65 million over a pair of pants. Mind you, it is presumed that this man received at least some formal education.


• Can't forget the astronaut, Lisa Nowak, who drove cross-country in a diaper now, can we? She was going to confront her romantic rival.


• We allowed China a shot at taking over the US by poisoning us with lead paint, antifreeze in our toothpaste, but didn't really get mad until they messed with our dog food. Then people really spoke up! But most Americans don't care if you sell them hazardous waste, as long as they can get it at Walmart, and as long as it's cheap.


• And what happened to the National Pastime, huh? In November, Giants' slugger Barry Bonds was indicted for perjury, obstruction of justice, and testing positive for steroids use. This was just after he broke the all-time Home Run record, in October, mind you.


• And nothing got people motivated like the arrest of Michael Vick on dog-fighting charges. We throw human babies in dumpsters, sometimes when they're still alive, and go on with our business, but let someone offend a four-legged friend, and WHAMMO! STOP TRAFFIC!

Unfortunately, a list of American Screw-Ups could go on all day, but you get the point. Can 2008 really go any lower? Can people be any more stupid than they were in the last 365 1/4 days?

I'm brimming with optimism for the year ahead. Life has to get easier because hey, take a look around. We don't have a formal English language anymore, so I can just write what I want, even make up words, such as, like ungood, and eventually, evolution will do away with our good friends . ' , ; : ! ) ( so take a good look at that bunch before they fade away.

And my musical career will flourish in the coming 12 months. I have the utmost confidence that with the right computer and editing software, I can create and sell my first million albums. I have no musical talent whatsoever, but...

But seriously, you can only get so wet, no matter how much water they dump on you, right? I really think Americans hit the zenith of stupidity and contemptuous behavior in 2007, because not only did a lot of people do a lot of stupid things, they figured that we were stupid when they tried to sell the logic behind their actions. When one idiot assumes that everyone else is completely stupid, it might be the indicator of a major turnaround.

So yes, I believe 2008 will be a better year by simple virtue of my belief that it can't get any worse. I think that by default now, the government will actually do one thing this year that isn't completely moronic (that itself will make it a better year, because in 2007, Moron Politics batted .1000, and that was without the use of steroids).

And some of my optimism may be too ambitious, but is there anything truly wrong with hoping we're entering a new year, a new era, a new world? Am I crazy to believe that this is the year when cnn.com or time.com or washingtonpost.com become more heavily visited than tmz.com or perezhilton.com? Is it over-the-edge to wish for the return of grammar and punctuation? Could it be too far-fetched of me to think that the next time I see the word "your" it will be in the context of possession, as in "your house", and not yet another bastardization of the contraction meaning "you are"?

Oh yes, I know that there is no such thing as Utopia, because what might be perfect for me could be purely toxic for you. But all I really and truly want would be a country where we get our priorities in order, and act accordingly. We pay more attention to Viral Videos than we do to the AIDS virus. The problem of starving children only comes to mind when some celebrities walk the Red Carpet at some fund-raising project. Global Warming is something we "deal" with by selling $1000 cloth shopping bags.

Electing someone like Hillary Clinton won't solve our problems. It will only replace them with a whole new set of problems. Let's face it, does getting kicked in the left shin really hurt that much less than getting kicked in the right one? The political process can be likened to taking out the can of stinky kitchen garbage only to replace it with our neighbors' can of stinky garbage.

Success in this country is now measured in terms of how long one can get away with cheating, or who can screw the most people for the longest time.

It's really a matter of saying "Enough!" Companies like Mattel import toys for our children that have the capability of poisoning them, and yet we shop on. The banks in this country thought that they could cash in by giving mortgages to people who can't financially afford them, and attaching ridiculous interest rates to those mortgages. And now that this practice has nearly bankrupted the system, the burden has been place on the shoulders of consumers. Politicians address a problem such as illegal immigration by taking measures that say, "Oh well, you broke the law, but there are so many of you now...here, help yourself to the best we have to offer!" A man like Eliot Spitzer has no business running anyone's government. Vote him out, simple as that. Vote them all out. It's the only hope that really exists, and it's the only language that politicians ever really hear.

The Internet has given voice to a great many people. The First Amendment has been tested like never before, due mostly to our propensity as a people to take things to extremes in ways never intended or foreseen. We need to refocus our efforts in using this medium, and stop making it a stage for circus sideshows. There is power in the voice of the people, but only so long as it can be taken seriously.

The good thing about hope is that it always seems to exist. While my premise that things have to get better because they seemingly can't get any worse is a little skewed, I believe it's a valid point. People have been shocked, revolted, upset and annoyed to the point where I believe we've reached the saturation level, and I think when nothing more can fit in the barrel, it's time for a different kind of barrel. That's what's going to keep me going into the new year ahead.

It might be a crazy way to look at things, but I think it's one that just might work. I wish you all the very best in 2008.

To A Whole Lot Of People!

The funny thing is, this time of year, we go through the motions, saying all the right things, sharing the right emotions. We're thankful for our family, our friends, our lives, mostly because we're supposed to be, and we would never think to say otherwise.

The thing is, when those people step up and really make a difference just when you need it most, it's almost like an epiphany. Genuine gratitude and appreciation feels good. You figure out that there was a need, and all these wonderful people around you filled that need. And all of a sudden, the world isn't so bad now, is it?

This year, I think I qualified as "needy". Sometimes I use that term in a not-so-flattering way, but for me it was an incredible experience. Some day, I'm going to share the details, but for today I'm just going to say "thank you." Thank you to the wonderful people in my life. I really have a whole list of things to be grateful for, and that's an awesome feeling.

Cassie and Emily, I don't know what I'd do without you, and I would rather never know what that would be like...ly guys so much. I guess we never get too old to appreciate having a hand to hold. You've literally carried me through some of the worst times of my life.

Nance, you're always there to remind me that no one is ever really alone.

Kristen, your words of kindness and inspiration were priceless. I hope you know they ALL mattered and while we're at it, Mamma, you too. I look forward to some more debate/collboration. Thank you.

NF, you said a few nice things, as did Holly-I wish you well. Pam, Jackie and Jackie, Nettie, Myra, Catherine, Kathy, Tracie, my old friends from AOL, you're always there. Really. And, by the way Catherine, you're an inspiration.

Sam, Gaz, Marty, Mort, Cubby, Tusk, Steve and Jeff: fellas, I think someday we all need to sit down to a few hundred beers. And maybe Sam and I could jam a little on those guitars.

Sharlene, you're a pretty Lady who says pretty things to me. Thank you. El-Em-Es, I'm still getting to know ya, but I am so glad that I am. Jodi, as always, thank you. Diesel, thanks for raising the humor bar. Emily-Two-Write: I don't always comment, but I always read. Thanks for reminding me of the value of good work. Kelly, keep those opinions coming my friend, it's nice to have kindred spirits. Lily, we think alike, but I'm not sure if you'd want anyone to know that! I love your take on things, and your input. Kelly and Pickle~Jenn, I'm glad you're my friends. Stacy, hang in there. I hope to be as good a friend to you as you've been to me.

Niki and Dave- few people ever did more for me than you two did when I was injured and laid up for months. No one should ever forget that kindness. Love you guys, and we'll sit down together again, very soon.

Kristeee, thank you for being nice to me 100% of the time. That can't be easy. Chosha, your adventures and ideas always kept me thinking. Let me know if that camera is a winner so I can get one too :). Hillary, your writing is amazing. I don't use that word too often.

Andi,what can I say. Love you.

Barb, I hope the South is treating you well. Stay safe with that new truck because you're a friend I can't do without.

Ally, I know that Blogger doesn't cooperate, so thanks for letting me know you're here!

Allison, I am SO glad you're back. Joan, Betty, Suzy, Becky, you too! And Celeste. My other Ally, it's always good to hear from you :)

Anne, you're like an angel on my shoulder. I love your every word. And the e-Cards.

Janice, your professional guidance the last few months has been priceless. Your friendship, more so. Thank you so much; you're someone else I couldn't have done without. I hope you know that.

Danielle, my partner in crime...hang in there. Time flies a lot more quickly than you think. You were my first Journals friend. And one of the best. Love you my friend.

Lindsay, keep sharing those stories about your little guy. And let me know how Brooklyn's treatin' ya.

Celeste, glad you found me again. Barb, you too, because your spiritual inspiration is priceless.

Nemesis, you're one of my heroes. I need way more of your attention :)

Cynthia, keep sorting and I'll keep reading. Donna, welcome back.

Tricia, we're working on it. I think it's worth it in the long run.

Marie, Jeannette, Missie, Nikki, Niki,Indigo... I always think of you, your lives, and I consider you friends. Shows how powerful the Internet is, since we've never even met. People connect any way they can, right?

Erin, love ya babe :)!

Tiffany, we agree on so much. But I still think you're great :)

Jill, B, Barry, Terry Ü, thanks for the kind words the other day.

Michele and Patti, two of my oldest, dearest, cherished "blog" friends. Thanks for hanging in there with me all this time; and Michele, glad you decided to give blogging another try!

Jude, when I think of someone consistent, steady, solid and always there, you come to mind. Thank you so much. Michelle, a new friend, I'm so glad we've "met". Your kindness goes a lot farther than you realize. Shash, thanks for turning me on to BlogHer, a great resource. Terri, thank you for taking the time to say nice things. Tammy, you epitomize strength and courage. The idea that you would take the time to try and lend some support to me, well, that just speaks volumes of the person you are.

Marina, you're awesome. Always thinkin' of your pal Stupid. Love ya.

Terra, I think of you every time I have hobo packs. And when I think of good people who love me. You're always there. Really. Love ya.

Martha, I'm so glad you let me into your Journals. I like the way you think. Thanks for being a caring friend.

Mary, some day you and I are going to hug. That's the only way I could ever imagine thanking you for every word you've every shared. I don't know what I did to deserve your friendship, but I'm glad I did it. Thank you so very much.

Rachel, you think you're weird, I think you're great. And I appreciate you finding time to show a few words of support.

Meta, just to remind you, you're still missed.

Christy, Julia, Annie, Joan, Robin, Bridgette, Jeanne, Jenny and Susan,we still manage to stay in touch, and you still manage to say the right things when you come here. Thank you.

And Lady M, you're back! I can't tell you how happy that makes me. Glad you're doing well!

I really did my best here, to thank everyone who took a few minutes of their lives to help me with mine. You're all terrific, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I appreciate that you've indulged me this far, today. It was the only sincere thing I could do.

Happy Thanksgiving to each and every one of you.

212 and Counting

Sorry, Nance, you're getting a lot of airtime here today.

In regard to my post "212 Degrees, I Believe?", Nancy said, "In general, I agree about offering solutions when criticizing or complaining...yet I see (rather frequently) that it is not always possible. We are ALL guilty of that. I don't think we shouldn't complain if we don't have a solution. Sometimes we just know that something is not working.

I don't want to ever give the impression that I don't complain or criticize. Believe me, those things make up way too much of my activity in life. I feel safe when I go off on one of my tangents about inept drivers, and criticizing lousy road-mates because I do believe I offer constructive criticism in that I say, "pay attention, know the rules of the road, obey them, hang up the cell phone and drive." I firmly believe that when I spout out against them, I'm offering a viable solution, so it's not a matter of not criticizing, it's a matter of offering what my opinion states to be constructive criticism. I see a problem, I offer my take on what to do to fix it.

Sometimes, when one doesn't know what to do...doing nothing is best. So true. I complain about the weather, especially when it rains on weekends. I think we're all better off with the fact that there is nothing I can do to control or change the weather, trust me, because Mother Nature knows best. Or at least better than me, so at times it is better to do nothing.

I'm often hesitant to comment in your blog because I know you are looking for people to back up what they say...and I can't always do that. But despite that, I do have opinions...and they're not always "wrong", any more than they are "right"

I just happen to like it better when someone offers an opinion that's followed with some reasoning. The beauty of opinions is that, by definition, there are no "right or wrong" opinions, but if I, as a Cleveland Indians fan, state my opinion that Red Sox fans are idiots simply because they don't root for the Indians, I'm trying to make my opinion your opinion,(after all, disagreeing would make you an idiot, right?) and without very much sound reasoning. No one who is a Sox fan is going to read my opinion and decide that I'm right, and discard their Sox loyalty. If, however, I state that my opinion is that the Indians are a better team because...and then fill in my interpretation of various statistics to back it up, at least my argument might have some credence.

Years ago, two boxers, Tommy Hearns and Marvelous Marvin Hagler, put on a show that boxing historians agree were three of the best rounds in boxing history. Hagler outlasted Hearns, fought off Hearns best attack, and won the fight. I happened to be a big fan of Tommy Hearns, but I had to concede that, at least on that night, anyone whose opinion was that Hagler was the better fighter, had some reasoning to back that opinion up, and while I didn't like it, I had to agree that their argument had a lot of merit.

My problem isn't with people's opinions. I'd never tell someone that she isn't entitled to have an opinion. I love to debate, and the root of debate is initially opinion, a personal opinion, one that a good debater goes about defending with solid argument.

My problem, in that article, is with Maher. He is a comedian who has moved from the comedic stage into the political arena. He has ordained himself a political expert, but one whose sole strategy is to condemn the current body politic. He doesn't offer any alternative ideas, he simply rips up the status quo. He has a nationally televised forum from which to spout his opinions, and he wants his opinion to be your opinion, but he doesn't offer any sound reasoning to back up his claims of superiority. He tells those who might not agree that they are stupid. He tells us that people who base any decision on religious beliefs are fools, but doesn't have anything solid to back that up. Maher stated that Faith is flawed because you can't prove what you believe. Now, my argument with him is that he obviously doesn't understand the concept of "faith", and that people who don't believe in the existence of a higher power can't prove that it doesn't exist either. He says, agree with me or you are an idiot.(And yes, he actually said that) In my opinion, that doesn't form the basis of any reasonable debate.

Suppose I said, "I'm a Catholic. Mary is a Mormon. Mary is an idiot because she is not a Catholic." Where is the room for debate there? It's a statement that is not backed with any sound reasoning, I'm simply passing judgment on someone, and I'm not offering any good ideas as to why my religion is superior. I'm simply stating that it is what it is. Would you buy that from me?

I believe that there is a major difference between me offering my opinion and solutions on what I believe is wrong with a lot of drivers out there, writing in a blog that's read by barely enough people to fill Maher's studio audience, and Bill Maher taking a national stage and offering his political criticism. I don't believe for a minute that Maher should be silenced. I believe he is extremely intelligent, and he has a gift of humor that I don't possess. I watch him every chance I get because I want to hear what he has to say. My frustration as expressed in that article is that, "Hey Bill, you've made it clear that Bush is bad, our foreign policy is bad, and that this country is currently in a hand-basket headed for destination unknown. You've ordained yourself an expert, and said that everything we do is wrong. So, then, what in your expert opinion should we do?" That wouldn't necessarily sway my opinion, but it would make for a much more intelligent debate.

Part of the reason I rarely take the Iraq War decisions to task in my writing here is that I really don't know what the hell we should have done, or should do going forward. My head tells me, "let's just bomb the bad guys into oblivion". My heart tells me that that is not a very rational position. For one thing, I don't know if we can even identify the bad guys at this point. I believe that any solution I would offer would be based on bigotry and prejudice, and violence. That's not going to help anything much.

Let me ask you a question, maybe to help clarify what I was saying. Suppose you're in the middle of doing a sculpture. You've never quite tried a sculpture of this type, and maybe it's not going so well. Two people come into the room. The first says, "Nancy, that sculpture sucks. It's ugly and doesn't look like anything," and then he leaves. The second says, "Hey Nancy, your sculpture sucks. But I see what you're trying to accomplish, I think. Maybe if you pick up this chisel and use it to form the outline a little better by doing this or that, you might be on your way to a better sculpture." Now both people said your sculpture sucks. But whose opinion are you at least going to feel somewhat more inclined to engage?

Just my humble two cents.

Some Follow-Up

In regard to my previous post, "Where to Go?", Nancy said...

ok, 2 questions:

1) Are you saying that the war, even in hindsight, was and is still, a good idea?

Fortunately, as they say, hindsight is always 20/20. This Iraqi war is obviously a mess we might have been better off avoiding, an opinion I can state because I have in my possession the knowledge of what's actually unfolded, and I don't think the whole thing is going according to the original plan. I think that the original intention was a good idea, but it has shown that the "American Way" isn't always the "Best Way." I do believe that the world is much better off without Saddam Hussein in power, and removing him was a choice that our leaders, at least at the time, all thought was a good idea at the time it was initiated. I believe that the national sentiment at the time was in favor of that, because the governmental engine that we elected voted to back that initiative.

If you ask me where I think we messed up, it was that we didn't exactly have a rock-solid plan as to what to do once we did remove Hussein. I think that's only in part because we didn't develop the "exit strategy" we should have, but the situation also stands as testimony to the resolve of a good amount of anti-American factions.

2) What exactly to you think we should do if we are attacked again? Or how do you think we could prevent it? (oh...without killing innocent people, including our troops) I believe that if we are attacked again, and I do believe we will be, somewhere down the line (I just don't possess the power to predict that event, because if I did, believe me, it wouldn't happen), we have to put the decision in the hands of those we elect to make those decisions. What we learned from 9/11 is that 9 or 10 people could accomplish what thousands before them couldn't, and that was to attack us at will on our own soil, and that we don't need to live in fear so much of another military power sinking its teeth into us, but of another "9 or 10" people with evil intentions. But I do believe that the problem is, going forward, the decisions of the people we elect to make those decisions are going to be seriously inhibited. As I said, any sane person is going to be somewhat hesitant to make a decision and go forth with it, because of the level of second-guessing that has developed in this country. But to give a solid answer, I think what I would do is, put my faith in the people I helped elect at that point to make a decision, and then stand by them throughout. I say that because those elected people are going to commit our military to carry out whatever decision they make, and the most important element here, for me, is to let those troops understand that they are risking their lives with the full faith and support of the very people they are out defending.

I've heard the term "unfortunate truth" a lot lately, and I do believe that an unfortunate truth for us as Americans, is that we are not going to be able to completely avoid the loss of "innocent lives" both on our soil and abroad. We're fighting a whole new kind of enemy these days, one that is not a super-power, one that is not organized, one that is not contained by any borders, but one that is apparently a whole lot more fearsome because it doesn't have a face or a name. But I am inherently a "team player" and if I put my faith in a leader by electing him or her, I have to be ready to stand by that leader when the decisions aren't so clear-cut, and when they occasionally don't work out to my benefit. Sometimes, reality sucks, but it doesn't stop being reality just because I don't like it. I have to stand by my elected officials or run against them and make my own policy. I don't think I'm equipped to do that, which is why that article wasn't written to question them so much, but to oppose the ideas of what I called The Armchair Quarterbacks (AQ's as I called them). I don't have the answers, which is why I need to put my faith in those I vote for. They state their case, and I decide whether to vote for them.

I want to borrow from Dennis Miller here a moment. Miller said that he was glad that Bush had the job at the time as opposed to John Kerry, because Kerry is a "chess player" who thinks out every move, and the ramifications of those moves, whereas Bush is a "checker player", and when Bush "comes across an asshole, he jumps him," and that at the time, the world needed the checker player when it came to Saddam Hussein. I very much agree with that sentiment. There are times when we as a country are going to have to make the decision to do tough things, and dealing with Hussein was one of those times. Hussein was an ugly problem that could not be dealt with in a pretty way.

I've yet to hear a Republican NOR a Democrat answer that one to my satisfaction.

Nancy

PS. If you comment here, please email me your reply. Thanks! :)

And hey, here it is, cause, what happens in Stupidsheet stays in Stupidsheet! :)

Small

I've stated before that I sit and watch "Real Time with Bill Maher" because I believe we should all take time to listen to the ideas of people we might not necessarily agree with, in order to fully understand those ideas before forming an opinion.

And I try to be open minded. I really do. But...

The most recent episode featured the panel of D.L. Hughley, Michael Smerconish, and Catherine Crier. While Smerconish was making a point, Maher interrupted him, asking him if he believed in the Ten Commandments. It became a sort of stand-off with Maher pressing the question, and Smerconish refusing to be dragged into a debate over the Commandments.

But I wanted it to continue so that it would better illustrate a point. According to Bill Maher, if you believe in the 10 commandments, then all you're concerned about is not swearing, not working on Sunday, and not making statues of false gods. He implies that by living that way, you are, in turn, not concerned with such things as child abuse and rape. He said that. If you believe in the Ten Commandments, according to Maher's reasoning, there simply isn't room for any other beliefs. He said that, too.

Now what kind of nonsense is that?

It's a crystal clear example of the minimalist,absolute, Left-wing thought process.

If I use that same methodology in assessing Maher's beliefs, I could easily state that because he doesn't believe in the Ten Commandments, then he believes that it's ok to kill, that adultery is perfectly fine, and that it's perfectly acceptable to steal.

Would that be logical? Would that be accurate?

Is it realistic to conclude that anyone who professes a belief in the Ten Commandments lives their lives based on only those exact ten rules? And conversely, does anyone who doesn't subscribe to such beliefs live a life of pure hatred with no rules to guide them?

Of course not. Being kind to others, caring for the poor, well they're not exactly outlined in the Ten Commandments, but it's part of the belief system of some of those who do hold true to the Ten Commandments. How would Maher explain that?

Maher stands up for Atheism, defends it. I just think it's funny that this man would condemn religious beliefs, but would fight to the death defending your right to believe in nothing.

I don't think that one set of beliefs is exclusive of any other set of guidelines.

So now, if you happen to be a Right-Winger, you might find yourself in agreement with me, particularly if you're religious in any way. And that's great. If you're a Left-Winger, you've seen how I've lumped all kinds of people together with Maher, made all kinds of statements about the "Libertarian thought process" based on a set of beliefs and statements expressed by Maher, and you've made it this far without hitting the comment button to lambaste me, you're probably pretty steamed that I could make such a generalized conclusion based on a few ideas. It's pretty unfair of me to draw these unfair conclusions about Libertarians, based solely on the fact that Maher happens to be a Libertarian.

All I can say to that then is, I've proven my point. Thanks for reading.

Under the Microscope

We sit, two nights a week, and watch American Idol. A whole lot of people are watching American Idol, like it or not.

The show itself is a pretty good microcosm of what seems to be happening to American society as a whole: There are people you'll like, those you'll dislike; there are some real lunatics appearing on those auditions, and every one of them is convinced that they've got what it takes. But with one problem: who decides who is the greatest?

Now I believe that having a positive self-image is a good thing, of course. And I guess it's ok to think that you're really as great as you'd like to believe you are. But I think this show gives a great example of an underlying problem that's really taken root in this country.

However, the problem, as I see it, is that no one can admit that maybe they're not good at something, or maybe they didn't try as hard as they could have. If every one of us was an accomplished athlete, or amazingly talented recording artist, there'd be no room on the music store shelves or the playing fields. Reality is, some of us have to be good at other things. While I do concede, again, that a positive self-image is a good thing, part of fitting into society is the realization that everyone is entitled to an opinion, and not everyone is going to agree with our assessment of ourselves. We don't seem to be very willing to accept reality. We don't do well with criticism, even when it's constructive.

The American Way seems to be, "I'm The Greatest, and if you don't agree, well then, you're an idiot."

We don't face facts.

How many contestants have we seen who, once rejected, launch into tirades, condemning the judging abilities of the folks in charge? It seems to have become a major facet of our social personality in this country. We don't accept our own limitations, or the consequences of our actions.

Look how parents react to their children's accomplishments or lack thereof. Kid comes home with straight "F"'s, it has to be the school's fault. Never mind that Little Johnny prefers to spend every waking moment playing with his X-Box, and Little Johnny's mommy and daddy have never figured out who is supposed to be in charge in the household. Nope. He failed History, Mrs. Teacher, you must be doing something wrong.

We have lunatics, disguised as parents, wreaking havoc on the fields of children's sports. Imagine: every one of these kids is as good as Peyton Manning, but the damned coach is too stupid to realize it. And the fact that Peyton Jr. can't throw the football farther than 4 feet just goes to prove how bad Coach is.

And it's not just parents-kids. A US Congressman gets caught sending sexually explicit emails to an underage Aide, and blames substance abuse for his actions. Hollywood "celebrities" try and compensate for a lack of talent by engaging in completely idiotic behavior, then check into rehab. And we're then told that this is admirable behavior, and that these folks are heroes for combatting their issues. What issues? The fact that one might just be a complete idiot? In my world, maturity is the solution to the problem, not a fancy Rehabilitation Center.

We always had a national pride in our Underdogs. Willie Loman was a hero of sorts, because he toiled on, day after day, despite the reality that he would never be great. Cinderella stories inspire us, but Cinderella overcame the odds, struggled against seemingly insurmountable adversity, and emerged victorious. She didn't tell us to kiss her ass and just give her what she wanted.

Failure is ok. It really is. It should either inspire us to try harder to get it right, or accept our limitations and go in a new direction to achieve greatness. But the key point is to accept that maybe we aren't the best, and need to work on things a little, rather than attacking everyone around us who doesn't see it our way.

You get to be "The Greatest" by being "The Greatest", not simply by deciding you are, and berating others into accepting it.

Deal with it, and move on to your next level of greatness.

And Now, The Year Ahead

This is the time of year when we all talk about our resolutions for the coming 12 months, because we all seem to be less than satisfied with who we are. We want to make changes, be they big or small, and the new calendar gives us the feeling of a fresh start.

Now we all write about them, talk about them, but truth be told, our resolutions really aren't of major interest to everyone around us. Perhaps people might offer some support and encouragement, but we're all pretty much into our own thing here.

I'll spare you mine this time, but there is something I would like to see take place in this whole country for 2007.

I'd like to see a return of some "class" in this country. The recent death of President Gerald Ford reminded me of a time of some grace and elegance for our government. I was a young teenager during Mr. Ford's tenure, but I do remember that he came along at one of our country's darkest hours. I don't think the late 1960's-early 1970's period was ever matched in terms of national divisiveness. We were at our very worst, at least politically, during those years.

Gerald Ford's legacy will always be that of a man who came and healed a national wound. If you look at his Presidency in terms of "great accomplishments", it might be easy to miss what this man had done. But he put our dark days behind us, and taught us to move forward. It was a very quiet, unassuming effort put forth by the late President, but it was one that worked, that started us off on a path of a major revival.

That "class" seems to be gone these days. We have become a nation whose body politic is one that is erratic, stormy, exclusive and just plain mean. I see that people are greatly dissatisfied with the course our nation is following, and dissension has always been a great motivator. My problem isn't with the dissension, it's the manner with which it seems to be expressed.

It's not just politics, of course. It seems that everything that we do these days is done in a brash, loud, crude manner. We yell, we scream, we participate in name-calling. We have a culture of professional athletes who seem to embody every characteristic that is not good sportsmanship. We have celebrities everywhere who seem to think that having no taboos is a good thing. Television programming has become one huge voyeuristic event. Entertainment has been reduced to watching other people suffer, or humiliate themselves, or be given a venue through which to exhibit borderline sociopathic behavior.

But the driving force in this country seems to always have been our government, our ideologies, our leaders, and the whole political process. But where it seemed that the hallowed halls of our government were once the source of great people with great ideas, they now seem to be nothing more than arenas of contention, and contention that's not expressed with very much eloquence, grace or style.

I once attended a town meeting locally. There was a major issue at hand, and the community was brought together to try and come to some common solution. But rather than having the forum opened to the intelligent exchange of ideas and solutions, the gathering simply degenerated into a screaming match, and the select few who were the loudest held the floor until it became obvious that nothing more was going to be accomplished.

Politics in this country just seems to have plateaued at this level these days. The party in power is following a course of action, and the opposition's solution is not to offer better ideas, but simply to criticize and demonize those making the decisions. We yell, we scream, we point fingers and we name-call. No one seems to want to step up and offer a viable alternative. We simply seem to be in never-ending pursuit of the sound-byte, whatever it will take to get the cameras pointed our way.

I'm not taking a political stand here. I rarely, if ever, discuss politics, because I believe we hold our political views in the same sacred fashion with which we view our own children. I'm not going to convince you that your ideas are wrong, and you're not going to show me that my opinions are errant.

What I am looking at, here, is the way we go about practicing our politics. Political campaigns are now carried on at the level of a middle-school student body election. Neither side seems to be willing to step up with a platform of what they would do if elected; they'd rather tell you how bad life would be if the other party were put into office. Then it's mud-slinging, character assassination, and more name-calling.

I've been a keen observer of the entire issue of the war in Iraq. I've seen the President commit us to a war, and then defend his actions. I've seen his supporters (albeit few these days) rally behind him. I've seen his detractors step up to their task as well. But it seems that the opposition simply decries the war effort. Every day in countless publications, the war is condemned, the President of the United States is called a vast array of less-than-flattering names, yet nowhere have I seen a viable solution offered.

We are in a new world here. We are in the position of having to do something. We cannot sit back and become passive. America is what it is, in the eyes of the world. Whenever something unpleasant occurs in this country, we wait it out. The issue goes from the front-page, to page 3, and eventually becomes a small column located somewhere near the classifieds.

The world environment will not go away. We can't wait this one out. Perhaps the war in Iraq wass not the step to take, but it was a case of doing something. We need to be in motion. There are people on earth who want to erase our existence simply because we are the United States. No amount of flowery rhetoric is going to change that. Negotiation doesn't work when the opponent's only goal is your obliteration. We're not going to resolve our problems, particularly in the Middle East simply by packing up and going home. I'd love to se every American in uniform safely back on American soil. If I had my wish, no one would ever die again in defense of this country.

So if not this war, then what? It's been made very clear that there are more than a handful of people who disagree with the war. But what do we do? What exactly does calling the President a tyrant, a killer, and worse accomplish? If he's doing the wrong thing, what it the right thing? Say something. Think of it from your own point of view: if your life was motivated simply by biting criticism, rather than ideas on how to actually do things better, how productive would your life eventually be?

I just wish that we'd put some intelligence back in to the mechanics of our political process. I've always said you won't sell me a Mercedes-Benz by telling me how awful a BMW might be. If you want me to subscribe to your methodology, tell me just exactly what that methodology is. Tell me what you want, rather than simply filling the airwaves with what you don't want.

And please, let's get some decorum back as well. Simply being the loudest doesn't make anyone right. The issue I mentioned earlier was never really satisfactorily remedied, because no one could get a word in edge-wise once the yelling began. We're bogged down in Iraq in an ugly, loud, horrendous conflict. I don't think it would be wise to bog down our political process the same way for too much longer.

Let's agree that we can all come up with some pretty nasty names to call our opponents. Let's agree that we can conduct our own very nasty campaigns for our own causes. Let's all agree to disagree, but then let's get back to doing that in a more intelligent, productive fashion. One of the catch-phrases of the year was "Bringin Sexy Back".

Fine. Let's work on "Bringing Classy Back" too.

P U R G E !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that about cinches it. I have been grouchy beyond belief for way too long. I spent half the day being pissed off about things, and the other half thinking about things that piss me off. That's just ungood. Nope, nuh uh can't go on any more.

So I figure, the best way to get it behind me is to just let it all hang out, then get rid of it, right? This might take a while, but I don't want to make people think that I am a cranky, miserable jerk any more. So here goes...

The Biz Report

I saw my credit card summary, year-to-date, and the amount of money I spent at Amazon this year was just silly. But I can tell you, the way they failed me here at Christmas shopping this year, guarantees I will not be repeating the performance in the year to come. They sucked.

Sears is another company whose business demise I will pray for daily. Try stocking more than 1 of each item, losers. (Man it's hard keeping the swearing to a minimum, lol)

But I'd almost forgotten how awful the US Postal Service is. Almost. I get occasional reminders, like having my Valentine's cards delivered to me on St. Patty's Day, or my birthday cards in August (May birthday). But this time of year always brings to mind just how badly that business is run. Three times this week I had cause to go there in the late afternoon/early evening. At 1 in the afternoon when there's 4 people in line, we got 3 counter people working. At 5:30 PM, when 450 people rush there after work, there's 1 counter person. And the only way she could work any more slowly would be if she were to completely flat-line. We had Mary Social up there at the front, deciding that now would be a great time to chit-chat about everything that ever happened to her, while shipping 183 packages that had to be processed 1 at a time.

Thank God for UPS, FedEx and DHL. I use them at every opportunity, although UPS can occasionally be dumb.

OK so that's the business report. Next I'll purge my people poison.

Folks I'd Like To See Removed

Door Stoppers. Not the little wooden wedge you shove under the door to hold it open,I mean the wooden-headed idiots who line up for a busy place, and when they finally get to the door, with hundreds more people behind them, decide to stop, directly in the doorway, and maybe paint a portrait of all they see. I wouldn't mind so much, if it weren't illegal to pick them up and slam them out of the way.

Movie People Not all movie people, just the really big pains in the butt who are always late for the show, but then want to sit in the middle seat in the row. Or the mopes that insist on waiting until 2 minutes after the movie begins to get up and go to the bathroom. They're usually parked in the middle of the row as well.

Picky Eaters Again, not all Picky Eaters. Just those precious ones who, if there were 200 entrees to choose from, still couldn't find something they like. Dining with them is like having a boil lanced with a chainsaw. Worst part is, they always want to go out to eat.

Happy Birthday Cha-Cha-Cha people You know the ones...they sing "Happy Birthday to You- cha cha cha!" It was cute 7 years ago. Stop it. It's almost as annoying as the ones who insist on trying to harmonize while they sing it.

Box PeopleThose people who are always carrying boxes when you see them? Remove them. (hey, I didn't say some of these wouldn't be weird)

Over-Advocates They take playing "Devil's Advocate" to the extreme. They are always on the other side of the argument, not because they have opposing ideas, but because their entire belief system is built upon simply being contrary. No matter what's said, they always try to present the "other side" of the argument. They'll encourage you to approach things "with an open mind" when it happens to be something you disagree upon. To me, it's a pseudo-intellectual attention-getting device. Remove them, will ya?

Habitual Offendees Not criminal recidivists, mind you. These are people whose very existence relies on the next moment when they can "be offended". There's nothing in the Constitution that guarantees any citizen a life completely devoid of things one might find disagreeable. And "being offended" now seems to be a way of life for some folks. If these characters expended half the energy enjoying life as they do hunting down offenses,we could probably dismantle the military. Let's have them removed and get them a life.

The Terminally Unaware I'm not referring to the occasional gaffe, or dropping the ball now and then, I'm talking about those folks who've made a career out of screwing up. You usually first become aware of them at the end of a 10-hour lecture, when the teacher asks "any questions" and their hand goes up.You see them trying to walk up the "down" escalator, every day, or attempting to get cash out of the ATM with a library card, or ordering spaghetti at a Chinese restaurant. You know, they count out $187 in coins to save the cashier from having to make change. Not that I'd mind so much, but it seems they're always in front of me in line. Let's extricate them, no? Or maybe require them to pin their address to their shirts so we can all mail them a clue?

Control Freaks If there's one group that is dear to my heart, it's these folks. They want everything their way, and they'll employ ridiculous means to get it. I am not sure that I really want to see them removed, because I do so enjoy foiling them at every turn. I love it when someone tries to get me to do things their way, not because it's right, or practical, but simply because it's their way. They like to try and make you feel that you're a complete idiot if you don't do things the way they feel it should be done. On second thought, have them removed too, ok? Please?

Well! That's lot of purging. I feel 10 pounds lighter. I think it's time to move on now, and get a smile back on my face. Or maybe I need a laxative, too? Nah. I'm good. Onward and upward!

That felt good.

What To Do, What To Do...

I have nothing but profound respect for people who stand up for what they believe in. That respect from me is earned when:

• The belief is one that is at the core of one's very being
• The motive is sincere
• The "standing up" is a legitimate reaction to a threat to that belief
• It is not an "attention getting" device.

Micheal Newdow filed a Federal lawsuit in 2002 to stop his daughter from being forced to recite the Pledge Of Allegiance in her classroom. He claimed his 5 year old daughter was "offended" by the phrase "One Nation, Under God". Yeah. Ok. Mike Newdow was a run-of-the-mill, mediocre human being who was out for his 15 Minutes Of Fame, and couldn't figure out how else to do it, so he tried riding on the shoulders of his 5 year old daughter. The Court said he had no legal standing because he was not the custodial parent of the child. Thanks Mike, see ya!

See, as much as the country disliked Madalyn Murray O'Hair, (the one who essentially got prayer banned from the classroom) there had to be a little respect for the way she held fast to her beliefs. I mean she was a screw-ball (she lied that her son was being beaten in school for refusing to pray-son said "NOT") who might have been looking for a little time in the spotlight (she applied for Soviet Citizenship, but was denied...they're not stupid over there), but she really had to be a strong person to withstand the barrage that came her way over the whole issue. She stood her ground, because she really believed in what she was fighting for.

I didn't like her, but I did respect her.

The latest flurry is coming from some college out in California, Orange Coast College.Student Government Leaders decided to "ban" the Pledge of Allegiance at their meetings, because they feel there is no need to publicly swear loyalty to God or the US Government.

I'd love to discuss this with intelligence and decorum. But you know what? This is still the United States of America, and since there is still freedom of speech, I'm gonna do it my way.

My friends at Orange Coast are full of it. They're not making a name for themselves in any conventional manner, so they go the "Hey look at us! We're worthless, but we're loud" route. They hide behind the protection afforded them by the government that they show no allegiance to. But they're not standing up for a belief, they're not championing some Noble Cause. They're gunning for attention, pure and simple. And they did it on Veteran's Day.

This my opinion:

"Hey Hot Shots, you're just plain losers. No one said you have to recite the Pledge. You're just looking for attention that you haven't otherwise been able to gain. You vote to 'ban' others from doing so at your meetings. Something a little hypocritical there, I just can't put my finger on it."

If I thought that these "students" were standing up for something, that they were really behind what they believed in, I'd either support them or shut my mouth. I just really loathe con artists who make a mockery of the rights that they've been granted in the very country they refuse to pledge allegiance to. All to draw attention to otherwise insignificant existences. I just wonder how many of these "students" are attending Orange Crush School on the Government's dime.

Insincerity is really offensive. Wonder if I could sue?

First Ramble

I haven't done one of my "rambles" over here at old blogger.com, and I think I just might do one now.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;

courage to change the things I can;

and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right if I surrender to His Will;

That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him

Forever in the next

That's a wise prayer. Some people might have stopped reading there because I wrote "God", or quoted a prayer. What-ever. I don't care. But it is a wise prayer. So much more happiness could be found in the world if we just did our best, and were content knowing that.

Where we going with this? I've seen the "Campaign for Real Beauty". And I think it's a shame that we even need to believe it's something that's necessary.

I like Hollywood beauty. I like the pictures in the tabloids, the fashion magazines, and the like. But in my mind there are two kinds of beauty: the kind that show-biz creates, and the kind that happens naturally. I don't want every woman to look like Angelina Jolie or Paris Hilton or Jessica Simpson.

But I don't want there to be a movement that would stop me from seeing them in all their created beauty, because I don't think Hollywood beauty is better than natural beauty.

I see the pretty-boys of the world, and hell, I'd like to be as handsome and hot as them, but I can't be. It's just not gonna happen. I mean even if I employ a staff of experts and artisans, the best I could hope for is maybe a supporting role to Orlando Bloom, Brad Pitt, or whomever happens to be the hot guy of the moment. And that's because it's not realistic for me to think I could look like that.

But that doesn't bother me too much, and I don't want any of it to go away because it hurts my self-esteem. I think we've gone way overboard with it all.

Why? Because Hollywood beauty is carefully sculpted, carved, and created. It's supposed to be fantasy. And I don't feel inferior to any of those guys. I'm not as good-looking as the worst-looking in Hollywood, but so what? I don't live in Hollywood, I live here in the real world. And when I go into the bagel shop on Saturday morning, looking like a train wreck, no one cares. At all! Trust me. Except maybe the poor kid who waits on me at the counter.

I'd rather, right now, be snuggled on the couch with a woman whose only response to a crowd of paparazzi bursting through the door would be to ask, "Hey, did you wipe your feet?"

Think about it...There's big money in catching someone like Cameron Diaz, Britney Spears or Pamela Anderson "with their hair down". Why? Because it catches them looking like the rest of us. Natural. Who really wants to see that, though? I love it when they're all made up, dressed to the nines and looking their best. It's supposed to be that way, because it's part of the fantasy.

But fantasy doesn't cloud my judgment. I know what's real, and I know what's created, and I'm happy living in the real world. But it doesn't mean I want them to go away.

I mean if you apply this thinking to other aspects of life...Should we shut down the fanciest restaurants in the world because the rest of us can't cook as well? Should the guy in Beverly Hills not be allowed to own a Bentley because the best I can do is a Ford Explorer?

No. I think we need to get away from "reality" sometimes and appreciate the fantasy. I think we've lost too much "reality" trying to make the world so damned "real".

I want my idols to be different than me. Otherwise, who cares? But the keyword is "different"... Not "better".

---

I watched this Saturday's episode of "Dateline: NBC". Correspondent Keith Morrison gave us the story of the robbery of Joe Francis, mastermind of the "Girls Gone Wild" video empire.

I don't know about anyone else, but to me, this was one of the most fractured, disjointed and just flat-out confusing reporting jobs I have ever witnessed. This story was worthy of about 5 sentences, yet somehow Dateline spread it over an hour. I have no idea why anyone thought this story was worth telling, but those Dateline folks better tighten it up if they want to get me back as a viewer. And I think it's a safe bet that I wasn't the only one sitting out there in TV Land with the confused look on my face, scratching my head.

---

I hear a lot of people say things like, "That was a stupid commercial."

I'm getting the feeling though, as I spent the last few months looking at TV commercials, that I think the Advertisers are the ones thinking we're stupid.

Is it really necessary for Washington Mutual to market itself as WaMu?

And, are the commercials for this horror shown nationwide?

I thought this crap was supposed to cure headaches, not cause brain hemorrhages! Worst commercial ever, in my opinion. Probably make 'em millions.

---

I think a big problem here in the good ol' USA is that so many of the people who take themselves way too seriously shouldn't, and not enough of the ones who should take themselves seriously do.

---

Respect is like a privilege in that you earn it. Want my respect? Show me why.

Respect has gotten confused around here with "common decency". Yeah we all deserve that. Funny how a lot of people screaming for "respect" do so without "common decency" toward others.

---

Aren't you glad we don't see much of Omarosa anymore?
Don't know who she is?
Good.

---

Donald Trump fired his real-life assistant. He said she was more interested in becoming a star than in running a business.

That sentence just about made me choke.

Old Comb-over Trump also has some online University, to learn how to be like Mop-Head. Most of us failed to meet the first pre-requisite: being born to a real-estate magnate like Needs-a-real-barber Don was. I want to learn from a guy who started from SCRATCH. And who has a mirror.

---

Wanna drive yourself nuts? Next time you watch a news anchor on CNN or FOX or whatever, look for three things they all do:

the eyebrow raise

the head tilt

the head nod

Then count how many times they do each one in a minute. They practice it to make themselves "more interesting". But when you become aware of it, it's kinda distracting, isn't it?

Wonder if they talk like that when they go home?

---

It's almost Boot Season. YES!

Ok that's it for now.

Something To Consider

Normally, I hate creating an entry about someone else's work, but this story from the New York Post really got me thinking about this whole "outsourcing" trend among American businesses. It's a little convoluted, but it does make a dramatic point.

SHELL OF A GUY

By CHRISTOPHER BYRON

IT'S bad enough when an American worker discovers that his job has been outsourced to some low-wage country in the Third World.
But when the outsourcing involves back-office data-processing jobs at banks and other financial institutions, a different and more menacing problem arises: What if lax security at these facilities opens the door to unstoppable identity theft and financial fraud from beyond our own borders?

An example of how that sort of thing can start occurred recently in the city of Gurgaon, India, where the subsidiary of a New Jersey data-processing company called Vanguard Info-Solutions was caught with confidential computer records stolen by two U.K. executives from the offices of a Vanguard rival.

In the U.S., Vanguard Info-Solutions could soon be drawn into even bigger problems. That's because of its close ties to a bankrupt outsourcing company called Allserve Systems Corp. and the man who has been pulling Allserve's strings from the start: an Indian businessman named Dinesh Dalmia.

Dalmia, 44, is wanted for questioning in India concerning his apparent involvement in a stock-rigging scheme that shook the Calcutta Stock Exchange at the turn of the decade. The Interpol Web site lists criminal conspiracy, forgery and fraud among the offenses about which the authorities want to question him.

The seeming ease with which Dalmia has managed to slide into the role of an outsourcing kingpin, behind corporate shells and front men in the U.S., should be a cautionary tale for everyone.

Leaving India one step ahead of the law, Dalmia set himself up in late 2003 in a palatial Fort Lee, N.J., estate overlooking the Hudson River. And from that perch he began knitting together a network of companies to cash in on the outsourcing boom that was erupting in India.

Vanguard Info-Solutions is part of that network. And so too is Allserve Systems Corp., as well as various other companies in the U.S. and Europe.

In the last year, Allserve raised more than $83 million in loans and credits from top U.S. companies like IBM, CIT Financial and Merrill Lynch. But the lenders never knew of Dalmia's presence in a thicket of offshore trusts that stretched from the Channel Islands off the U.K. coast to Tortola.

They didn't know, for example, of Dalmia's apparent ties to a company supplying leased computer equipment to Allserve.

Documents on file with New Jersey's Department of Revenue Services list the company, IGTL Solutions (USA) Inc., as sharing the same North Brunswick, N.J., office occupied by Allserve, and the documents also identify IGTL's president as Dalmia.

In late November, much of Dalmia's network suddenly collapsed in a heap, sending New Jersey-based Allserve into Newark federal court to file for bankruptcy.

In London, where Allserve's parent company collapsed as well, investigators from Britain's Serious Frauds Office got involved

That happened after court-appointed administrators began sifting through the contents of an official's desk and stumbled upon a stack of pre-printed letterhead stationery purporting to be from an IGTL office in Princeton.

But IGTL has no known office in Princeton. The stationery's address instead tied to a facility where business travelers can rent a room, a desk and a phone for brief periods while on the road.

One Allserve creditor in the U.S. says his company got suckered by the letterhead, and other lenders may have been, too.

Last week, federal prosecutors in Newark began issuing subpoenas to Allserve's creditors. Their goal: To get to the bottom of what happened here.

To date, about the only collateral that Allserve's creditors have been able to find consists of some crated computer equipment in a storage room in Trenton, N.J. The creditors say it's just a portion of what they've paid for, yet where the rest is no one knows.

The same fog seems to have enveloped an estimated $20 million lent by the creditors to a different but closely related group of Dalmia-linked companies with "B2B" in their names.

Take an outfit called B2B Solutions Inc., which is actually nothing more than the predecessor to Vanguard Info-Solutions Inc.

Documents from the New Jersey Department of Revenue Services show that B2B Solutions Inc. was created in 2000 by an Indian businessman from New Jersey named Dinesh Mittal.

Mittal said that in late autumn of 2003 he was approached by a group from Allserve that said it wanted to buy his company. A top insider at Allserve at the time said the talks were in fact handled directly by Dalmia.

By March 2004, Mittal had sold B2B Solutions to a Dalmia-linked offshore shell in the Channel Islands called Excalibur Investment Group. There waiting to be folded into B2B Solutions was a startup outsourcing business that Allserve's London operation had owned in Gurgaon, India.

The company, Vanguard Info-Solutions (India) Ltd., was apparently to merged with B2B Solutions. Yet it's hard to know for sure just what was afoot because the view of the proceedings is hampered by the Excalibur trust.

Be that as it may, in no time B2B Solutions' Web site blossomed with exciting news: The small-time New Jersey computer business had seemed to morph overnight into a multinational powerhouse with operations that stretched from Miami to the Punjab.

The grand vision was undoubtedly one reason why creditors proved willing to loan money to a company owned by people hiding out in the Channel Islands.

YET some creditors now say they felt the first tremors of un ease early this year when B2B Solutions abruptly changed its name to Vanguard Info-Solutions Inc. and launched a failed effort to merge with a Nasdaq Stock Market-listed computer company angling to get into the outsourcing game.

By the start of spring, the tremors had reached the Allserve creditors, too, as people the creditors had never met began delivering strange, dog-ate-my-homework excuses for having to miss upcoming loan payments. Oddest excuse of all: a sink hole had, in effect, swallowed up an Allserve facility in Chennai, India.

By autumn, the creditors had begun to wonder whether they themselves had stumbled into a sink hole, and they began hunting for answers from whoever seemed in charge.
But most had no idea who Mr. Big really was, and that alone enabled the crew in New Jersey to spin them in circles.

When a senior vice president for North Fork Bank, a major creditor to Allserve, showed up at the company's offices and asked to see the owner, no one would tell her who that person was or where to find him. All she was told was that her questions would all be answered by Nick.

Later, a lawyer for another creditor, the DB Zwirn investment group, had more luck. He learned that Nick's last name was Mittal. But the lawyer could rarely get Nick to respond and he wound up filing a complaining affidavit to that effect in court.

Only one creditor managed to break through to the real Nick Mittal (or so he thought). During a conference call of creditors last week, one person volunteered the news that he had actually met Nick Mittal personally and had even been to his house for dinner. Later, the lucky lender even recalled the address . . . a nice home indeed, he said, describing it as being in Fort Lee, N.J., on a street called Euclid Drive.

He was in fact describing the home of Dinesh Dalmia himself.

Next development: a bankruptcy hearing this week in Newark federal court, where an Allserve official is said to be making an appearance. Stay tuned.