The Verizon fun isn't quite over yet. With them, it never really is.
I got the account squared away, and the customer rep told me how to add the second line to my online account. I followed the steps to the letter of the law. And this is what I got (with three attempts, so far.):
Hi folks, ya gotta love this story. It actually covers two people. I think we'll file this under Dangerously Clueless. Check it out here
I just wonder about something. When one gets hired to go to work on a Tech Support desk, do they take you inside and do something to your brain?
I mean, imagine you are choking on a chicken bone...you race to the hospital and when you get there, they treat you by handing you a book of chicken recipes.
That's really the level of response that seems to come back every time I contact a "Help" desk.
I once thought about becoming a Help Desk Analyst. I figured I'd have to be studying a long time before qualifying for that job.
Maybe not?
But this is not an instance of complete exaggeration. This is a true, documented event. There will be some slight embellishments, which will be noted throughout. Be afraid...be very afraid.
I plugged a phone into the second phone line in the house. I picked up the phone to dial and was treated to ear-shattering static (embellishment). I then began my ordeal.
I called 800-427-9977, which is the customer service number I was eventually able to extract from the Verizon website. I had to navigate through 10 steps on the site to get that number (embellishment).
I called the number, and was greeted by a lovely, warm female voice. This automaton inquired as to the purpose of my call. Once we came to our joint conclusion as to who I needed to speak with, "she" transferred my call. The line rang once, and then disconnected. I called back, and surprisingly, was greeted by the same female voice. We went through the same process, and again, 1 ring and disconnect. This went on until the fifth try when I actually got connected to a female voice belonging to an actual human being. Said human being told me I had reached the wrong place, and that I needed to call 800 275 2355.(not an embellishment)
Commence dialing 800 275 2355. To my utter shock and surprise, I was greeted by the very same female robot! Our reunion did not go well. We went through the foreplay and she sent me on my way to the repair center. I was treated to a repeat of the 1-ring-disconnect process 5 times. Each time I called back, I played footsie with the robot. At one point, when she asked me what I was calling about, I asked for a salami sandwich. She couldn't understand that (not an embellishment).
Upon reaching the next level of human contact, after 20 minutes, I was told by the human lady that I had to go outside the house (in the rain, not an embellishment) and plug a regular phone into the "interface" attached to the side of the house. Believe it or not, I actually had a "regular" phone in the house! I went outside onto the squishy lawn and found the interface. I had the foresight to bring my Phillips-head screwdriver with me (memories of prior experiences, mind you). Happily, I found that the screw in the interface was a flat-head screw. While I was readily available to find a regular phone in the house, a regular screwdriver was another matter.
I found one eventually, in the draw with the kitchen utensils (such a better place to keep one than a toolbox). I made it out to the "interface", talking to myself at this point, and opened it. I plugged the "regular" phone into the line and got the same ear-shattering static from a few hours ago (embellishment).
So now back to my automaton. I went through the dial-foreplay-1-ring-disconnect process. 9 times. NINE TIMES. Imagine what a stud I was feeling like, NINE TIMES in an afternoon. On the seventh try, the automaton told me her first name, and by the ninth we made a dinner date for Saturday (embellishment).
Now the steam is blasting out of my ears (not an embellishment) and oh man, I am ready! I am going to give someone a miniscule piece of my fragile mind. And just at the moment, the sweetest, most Grandmotherly voice answered the phone that didn't disconnect this time! I was totally disarmed and deflated, and I humbly and quietly told her everything I had done, and that I still needed repairs. I do not, however, need a date for Saturday night (embellishment)
Verizon told me that I am scheduled for repairs tomorrow, between 1 PM and the year 2015 (embellishment). I hope they fix it so that I can use my other line to stalk the automaton (not sure about this yet...)
The Grandma asked me something about Verizon FiOs, but I think not. Cablevision is my provider at the moment, and I only have to make 3 attempts to buy my Pay Per Views before I get to watch one. I don't think you can beat that.
Oh and Blogger STILL thinks I'm a spam-bot. Maybe that's why Verizon's automaton was so mean to me.
So ummm...
And TV used to be like this:
...that was good. I liked that. No problem here.
But now we have this:
Do I really want to see someone that close? I mean it's ok when they're somewhat attractive and hygienic, but I'm getting nervous...
I am always so surprised at the quality of drivers in these parts. I am not very nice when it comes to drivers who are ungood.
Yep, Ungood.
Ungood Drivers are people who just drive badly all the time. They have not caught on to the fact that there are other people populating and driving upon the planet.
No one can blame someone for making a mistake. Mistakes are deviations from normal, acceptable behaviors, and they happen to everyone. But when you're so bad at something that your "mistakes" mean you occasionally manage to do something right, there's cause for some review.
Now as short-fused as I am behind the wheel, my impatience for ineptitude really disappointed me. I was raised better than that.
It is time for me to face my intolerance for the Ungood Drivers. There are ways to work around problems you might have with other people, such as mine with the Ungood.
So this guide is my first outreach attempt to those who forgot the "education" part of "Driver's Education".
So stay tuned for the first version of the Driver's Guide for the Ungood
