To Kneel, or Not To Kneel

So, like the title says, I had that decision to make tonight. And for the first time since Christmas Day 2005, I knelt down.

Without screaming out.

And got back up. (Eventually)

I'm so on the comeback.


Feel free.


Wiseguys.

Elusive Laughter

Technology offers us a little prize. When you catch something on your TV that really makes you laugh, you can just rewind it, watch it again, laugh again.

Ever notice, though, when you watch something 2 or 3 times, you don't laugh as hard as you did the first time you saw it? I wonder why that is? What changes in the brain that causes your reaction to lessen a little each time?

And why is it that you can sit alongside 2 or 3 people, all watch the same thing, yet have a different reaction among all of you? Why does something strike one person as totally hilarious, and maybe evoke just a smile in you?

I have a terrible sense of humor. I'm a bad one to put in your audience if you're trying out a new comedy act. Yet, show me The Three Stooges, and break out the Depends. I've sat laughing helplessly at those 20 minute shorts, while someone who's watching with me might be sitting stone-faced.

I thought about that all tonight. I heard one kid talking to another.

She said, "It was so funny at practice. Kelly went to pass the ball and fell right on her face. She went down. We had to stop practice cause she had to go to the emergency room. They said she probably broke her wrist. I was dyin' laughin'"

I didn't get it.

Something Good to DO!

Visit this site. It's sponsored by Xerox, and it allows you to send a personalized "thank you" to the troops

Let's Say Thanks

Pondering

Pondering things here lately...pondering is different from rambling for me because it just requires more thought.

I'm not a prude. I have a foul mouth when I have to, and sometimes even when I don't have to. I try to maintain some respect for my fellow humans, but sometimes it just slips.

Having said that, I saw a kid, probably 15, walking toward the school bus stop one recent morning wearing a t-shirt that said "F*CK OFF!" in big white letters on the front.

It's kind of funny: the kid will probably get sent home, or told to zipper up his hoodie to cover that up. And somewhere, someone would fight to the death defending his right to "express himself". Yet we find prayer in the classroom offensive and would fight to keep that out. This isn't a political statement. I'm just wondering when we crossed that line where "F*CK OFF" is acceptable "self-expression", and a prayer is offensive.

Bedside Manner

So I was doing those routine medical tests today. I had to lie there a while with a whole bunch of stuff going on. There was a nurse there who was so, so very nice to me from the minute I walked in.

So, things went well, and kind of quickly, and she came in with a clipboard to just get some info. She sat on the side of the bed, and then slipped off! Nearly killed herself!

But she was fine, a little embarrassed, but fine. I told her "trust me, nothing to be embarrassed about".

I like kindred spirits.

The HORROR

OK, so in the last couple of weeks, I've seen 2 or 3 TV ads (Verizon Wireless for one, off the top of my head) and they're starting to scare me.

See, I have word-phobia. Or is it word-peeve?

The biggest thorn that's been slammed into my eardrum, of course, is amazing.

The word "amazing" is just about on death's door. It has been overused, beaten to a pulp. It used to mean something, but now it's been used to describe just about everything from the 1969 NY Mets, to yogurt, to socks. Amazin' ain't what it used to be.

But now, in these commercials, there is a new horror on my horizon. It's budding, starting to morph, and looking a lot like a thorn-in-the-making.

The new word/horror?

"NICE".

Watch. You'll see.

Evolution

I think it's fair to say that American women have gone through some major advances in just the last 50 years alone. Most of the change is for the better. Compare the life of a woman in 2006 to that of one living in 1956 and you really can see how life has changed.

While women seem to have been gradually moving upward, what about the average American man is that much different? More precisely, what changes have men achieved that they themselves set out to achieve?

I'm not talking about science, technology, mankind as a while, I'm talking about the average, every day man. What's different?

OK, so there have been some major "attempted changes", i.e. The Metrosexual movement, Sensitivity Training, and all that, but again, who initiated those? Usually not the fellas.

I'll admit that some men have gotten with it, and are progressive thinkers and all. The job market is still not pretty, but admittedly it is different than it was even 20 years ago. There is some room out there in the Boys' Club for women, and it's not all about sexist behavior anymore.

But again, what's different about the men?

There is an age-old frustration on the part of women toward men, and it's still basically the same. You could hear a woman in 2006 exclaim "Argggh, MEN!" in much the same fashion that Lucille Ball or Wilma Flintstone did years ago.

We leave the seat up.

We forget to call when we're going to be late.

We forget to hang things up.

We still hate washing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.

We watch sports, or just TV in general (although now there are far many more choices, yayyy!)

We don't ask directions when we're driving and lost, and we still insist on doing the driving.

I'm not sure. Maybe the things that women want from men are unattainable? Think about it...

Your dog can't speak. He may be able to bark on command, or even eke out something that might sound like a word, but it isn't speech.

Do you get rid of the dog because he can't talk to you? Or do you learn to live with, and work with his limitations?

And try getting your TV to microwave some popcorn.

Just something to think about.

Serenity

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.

This is such a recurring theme in my life; I come back to this prayer at least once a day, for some reason or another. Something occurs every day that makes me realize the value of such a request.

If you've had a job just about anywhere, it seems, there are things that go on that are unfair. Nepotism is a way of life in corporate America. If you get into the world, you deal with it, or you go insane. Or, you work somewhere that there is a family member who can grease the wheels for you.

If only life were really that easy.

I've come to grips with some of the less pleasant "facts of life". That is not to say they don't frustrate me, but I've learned to face the fact that I cannot change them. And I'm not talking about great injustices (although that is subjective), just the things that you could drive yourself insane trying to battle. Some are big, most are small.

Let me explain...on the "small" list are things such as these:

• You will always get stuck behind a bad driver when you're in a hurry. The bigger the hurry, the bigger the idiot
• It will always rain when you're counting on it not to.
• The Internet will always fail you when you count on it for something genuinely important

Know what I mean? Things like those, take 'em or leave 'em, they're not going to change.

But it's the things on the "big" list that I had to struggle to come to terms with. I think I became more sensitive to some when I had children of my own, and the things that were always "unjust" became really unjust.

Again, to explain...

We can convince ourselvesand try to convince others, that real beauty comes from within, that looks don't matter, money doesn't matter, yet, at the end of the day, they often most certainly do matter. Way too many of us have suffered a little bit of "broken heart" when we lost out because someone didn't subscribe to those beliefs. "Hot" wins out over "nice" or "sweet" way more times than I'm happy with, but it is what it is.

Some people make horrendous life choices. You can't make their choices for them. You either dismiss them, or you wait to be there in case the choiced indeed prove to be horrendous. And you stick around when they repeat them, or you move on. People don't change because you want them to, and they're not always going to take advice.

The best qualified candidate doesn't always get the job. That's just the way that is.

Money talks. The government, big business, et al, are all driven by profit. Pure and simple. You make some inroads, but you deal with it. The recent idiocy with oil and gasoline prices had nothing to do with actual shortages, but speculation that anticipated shortages. They didn't happen, and look at gas prices now. Can't do much to change it, you just deal with it.

And as much as we'd like to think that we're responsible for our own happiness, that our lives don't depend on the acts of others to achieve happiness, it's small consolation when our hearts are broken, or when we are disappointed. We forgive and forget, or we hold a grudge. People do matter to our lives. We live with it, come to terms and move on, or spend a long time feeling very unhappy.

I wish I had the power to say to everyone that looks won't matter. I wish I could sit here tonight and guarantee that being the most qualified is going to guarantee success. I wish I could make all those thing "the way of the world". But mostly I wish I could grant that wisdom to know the difference.

It'd sure feel a little better. Some nights, being sad really sucks.

Balderdash

I sit with the TV on almost every moment I am awake. Most times just for the background noise, because since June, I think I've watched everything ever filmed.

Anyway, tonight I'm half-listening to a commercial for a board game called Balderdash. There is a voice-over, and I swore that the guy described the game by saying "That f*ing game where..."

I was watching on a set that had a DVR. I rewound the commercial, and even with my full attention, it sounded like "That f*ing game where..."

But, all is well. The actual phrase was "That bluffing game where..."

Discover This

So I had my first run-in with loan sharks this week.

Seems as though Discover Bank, Member FDICA Morgan Stanley Company, has taken on some new business practices. I'm not sure it "pays to Discover"

Ok, so long story short. I was taking someone in to have surgery. Before we left, her phone rang, and she, unfortunately, answered the call. It was someone from "Discover Card" calling to remind her that her monthly payment was overdue.

Hey, it happens. This woman is not a deadbeat. She ran into some medical difficulties, which required surgery. She told the woman on the phone that she would log into the account and make the payment ASAP.

That's a lot nicer than my answer would have been. This account is not delinquent. The "overdue amount" is $175.

One Hundred Seventy Five Dollars.

What's the big deal, you ask?

That was Wednesday morning at 8:45 AM.

Between 8:45 AM Wednesday. and 9 PM (yes, 9 PM) Friday evening, these thugs called her house 17 times.

17 times...for a 175 dollar overdue monthly payment. It was only due on October 15th. So it was 10 days late at the time of the 1st call.

17 phone calls in 2 and 1/2 days. It's in the caller ID log. I'm almost tempted to publish the number so that all my friends can call and leave happy greetings (it's not the 800 number we see in their perky ads!)

I stopped them at 17 calls. I had logged onto her account and paid the overdue bill. Because it was Friday evening, I guess the Bookie's computers didn't reflect that. So when call number 17 came, I told them if they called again, they'd be hearing from her attorney. These leeches are not, contrary to popular belief, allowed to call you like that. It's harassment to do so. I reminded them of that.

The calls stopped.

So did my account with Discover. After seeing how they conduct their business with her, I decided someone else would be getting all the interest off of my money. I'd have gone nuts after 2 calls.

It pays to Discard.

Thought for the Night

We have got to stop all these honor students from committing all kinds of heinous crimes at 3 AM on weeknights.

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

You know, I was thinking about the upcoming elections that are going on. And something dawned on me.

I mean I'm always getting dumb ideas, so that's nothing new, but occasionally, some of the noise that comes out of my skull is legitimate. And I think this idea was pretty useful.

What have any of the politicians who represent me done for me lately? I can't think of one concrete example of anything that a single one of them has done that has had any significant positive impact on my life in the last 4 years.

I mean if someone gave me a test and one of the questions was a fill in the blank type, I'd be stuck.

Politician A has done ____for me since being elected to office.

Now granted, there has been a lot of amusement given forth by some of them (Jim McGreevy, for example) and, as I live in the Great State of New Jersey, I have had more than my share of unwanted sexual activity (as in I got screwed a whole lot). My President got us into a couple of wars, a Congressman had some untoward sexual activity of his own, and well, things just generally sucked, politics wise. But I have seen nothing I can say was done for the common good in NJ, or in the Nation as a whole. Or even the Nation as a hole!

Anyone care to refresh my memory? Thanks!!!

OUTAGES, YAYYY

I'm sitting here, and I'm seriously considering writing to the admin at Blogger. I want to ask them if they are taking lessons from the good folks at myspace.com and AOL because lately, well Blogger just sucks. It's down a lot, there are a lot of site errors, and just plain service outages. There really is no ground to stand on, because this is a free service and all. But I own the domain, and I do have hosting of my own. I just kind of like the publishing platform that Blogger runs. Well I have, for the most part. The last 10 days have been a major exception to the satisfaction.

I hate to give it up, because Blogger has, up till recently, been a great way to publish a daily blog.

So what's up, Blogger people?

Sound Medical Advice

OK so here's a thought...if you run a medical facility with a waiting room, and that waiting room has a TV in it, and it's around the time for "daytime" tv, please choose a station that doesn't broadcast "Maury" and "Jerry Springer", ok? I don't think it would do your practice much good if everyone waiting to see you killed themselves before their appointments.

Road Warriors

OK, NJ is home to an odd breed of folks. I think of them as the "Road People".

Nope, nothing sinister, just strange.

When you drive around NJ, you'll see them. They're otherwise ok people, except they walk in the roads. I don't mean walking along the shoulder, I mean in the road. I have no idea why. I saw one Brainiac on Friday in the roadway of a Service area, carrying on a chat on her cellphone, completely oblivious to the world (and many cars) around her.

It's simply annoying during the day; at night, it's downright stupid and dangerous. While drivers in most states have to avoid the occasional deer, raccoon or 'possum, we here in NJ have the added delight of avoiding imbeciles who've been born without the gene that tells the brain "roadway -bad!"

Oh, and they always seem to be wearing dark clothes at night, too.

I get thoughts of the Darwin Awards when I see one of these champs, then I get evil ideas.

Then I get thoughts of prison cells, so I do my best to avoid them.

Dammit.