I always thought about being able to fly. I knew that it wasn't possible to do, at least not in the way I imagined (yes, we can board a plane, but it's not the same thing!), but I always thought about what it would be like to actually leave the ground and go aloft.
I can't put a word to the feeling you get when you have to accept some reality or another. It's a nice sentiment, "You can do anything you set your mind to," but in reality, there are some things you can't do, no matter how much brain power you apply.
I think about the way my life has changed, and how certain things left my control. You can't make someone love you, no matter what. You can't have a job that doesn't exist any more, and you can't make yourself love someone either.
For the most part, I try to look at those situations in order to find something positive in them. Every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end, as the song goes.
I wouldn't so much say that I'm mournful for some of the things I've lost, because I did my best in one case, and I had no say in another instance. No regrets, right? Time for a new path.
But there are other things that I still imagine happpening, that I know won't happen, or shouldn't happen. I have no place taking the field in the NFL. There isn't a movie bad enough to have me in the starring role. But while I can't be the next Bill Gates, there are little compromises you can make and find happiness as a result.
I have some awesome, lifelong friendships with some wonderfully beautiful women because I was able to "just be friends" with them and not pursue anything more. That's hardly a compromise. I've become physically handicapped in the last couple of years; this brought my sports "careers" to and end. But, that has allowed me to experience some incredible kindess and consideration from others. Hardly something to be sad about, because kindness doesn't always come from the direction we assume.
There are a few things I really want in my life, but just can't have. It's that simple. But I put that aside and just enjoy imagining what it would be like. Besides, with my fear of heights, flying might not be so great.
Did this make sense?