Saturday, June 30, 2007

Another Freak Show?

Another thing I was wondering about is this whole "Spice Girls" reunion. In my experience, "reunion tours" come about as a result of fan demand. Are they telling me that there is a big enough fan base for this group to warrant a whole tour? Are there any Spice Girls fans left? Or are they counting on the whole "freak show" concept that entertainment in this country seems to be based on these days?

Or maybe...this will be the next "Reality Show." We can watch Posh, who's barely visible anymore she's so skinny. And Scary will probably be just ripe enough to live up to her name now, and she's got drama with the whole "Who My Baby Daddy" thing going on. Umm, is Baby Spice gonna keep that name now? She's 31 years old, if I'm not mistaken, and isn't the concept of women that age being "baby" a little creepy? I'm also not sure if track suits are in vogue anymore...what will Sporty wear? And Ginger...awww Ginger. If I remember correctly, she was capable of generating a little drama of her own.

Of course, it's supposed to be about the music, right?

God help us.

When Will It All End?

I was reading something on a website which made mention of a Rolling Stones tour. I thought it was an outdated article, but, no, the Stones are touring right now. It doesn't look like they're hitting the States for the time being, but they're out there performing.

Ok, this isn't a debate about the music of the Stones. I'm not interested in that at the moment. My question is just how much longer can these guys keep pulling it off? I mean, sooner or later, Jagger is gonna get so skinny and withered that you're not going to be able to tell the difference between him and the mic stand he dances with. And it's inevitable that one day, Keith Richards is going to strap on his guitar, and the weight of it is just going to cause his raggedy old body to crumble into dust.

Realistically, though, when exactly are they going to stop being a rock band, and be reduced to a sideshow exhibit? "See the Fossils in Concert tonight!"

Thursday, June 28, 2007

So, If You Thought Paris was Bad...

I don't usually like absolutes. I typically try to avoid saying something is the best, or the cheapest or whatever because it's opinion and you might think otherwise.

However, today, I can absolutely say that I have seen the worst child in the country. And after you watch this...IF you watch this...I think you will be hard-pressed to convince me otherwise. Enjoy.

Note: I take no responsibility for broken computer monitor screens resulting from fists flying through them, nor any resulting damages from computers being thrown out windows.

Benefit Of The Doubt?

So, the last quote I took from the Larry King interview of Paris Hilton (yes, I watched it) was Paris saying, "I got a lot of letters from mothers who said their daughters look up to me. I want to be a good role model to them."

What do you think?

So Yeah...

As I said previously, people never fail to step up to the plate.

I got a look at the local news tonight, and in NYC, on 5th Avenue, to be precise, they're lining up to buy the new iPhone from Apple, which won't be available until Friday.

Take a look at this guy, who got on line on Monday.


Look, I'm not a complete stick-in-the-mud, but ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Didn't someone get shot under similar circumstances when Sony's Playstation3 went on sale? And folks got trampled in a Walmart, if I'm not mistaken.

Yeah, this is just Stupid.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

A Return to Basics

I remember when I first started playing with blogging, a few years ago. The Stupid Sheet was originally going to be a blog about the seemingly never-ending supply of stupid things that go on in this country. I didn't want to use a political spin, because, let's face it, if we got started writing about all the stupidity that goes on in politics, we could never keep up.

An old blog of mine, long gone, was a catalogue of Stupid. There are people out there who are always ready to keep the supply of idiocy flowing along daily, and it was really more for amusement than for any kind of social commentary. It was more about trends, than individual cases of stupidity, and a lot of it was self-deprecating, because I didn't mind admitting that I'd been caught up in a few moments of Stupid. I love pondering motivation, you know, the "what were they thinking?" sort of process. I remember one Gem, a local guy with a Volkswagon Beetle that he'd completely covered with bumper stickers; front to back this car was plastered with them, but it wasn't neatly done. It looked like a joke; stickers were just whacked on there to the point where you couldn't even tell where one ended and the next one began. You couldn't even call it art. But see, what I wondered was, "What is this guy thinking? Does he think it's cool? Is he making some sort of statement?" See there comes that one moment, where a person makes an active decision to do something like this, based on one rationale. Think of the idiot who comes out onto the street wearing something completely outrageous. There's one of two things going on there, usually: 1. They're going for laughs 2. They're sadly misguided, and actually think they look good. And they wear it with arrogance and flair. #1 is silliness, #2 is Stupid, see?

I miss those days, happily picking just the right stories to share. The criteria were very restrictive, as I didn't want to become another Weird News of The World type of site. A guy who microwaves a cat isn't Stupid, he's deranged. And picking on people who are mentally challenged isn't Stupid, it's mean. I didn't get off on the Sideshow that took place with the American Idol auditions this year. It was staged, it was mean-spirited, and it was intended to prey on people who weren't aware enough to immediately realize that they were being set up for humiliation.

So, see? It was hard work! Finding those rare stories that tightly fit the bill. I try not to make people mad with my opinions, rather I'm trying to share at least a chuckle. Politics are often stupid, but rarely Stupid. Although, the US Legislature trying to jam this Immigration Amnesty nonsense down our throats, well that actually fits both description. It's stupid, because they think it's a viable plan, it's Stupid because they arrogantly think we're just going to take it lying down. See?

So, without too much more ado, I'd like to give the Basics a try.

Monday, June 25, 2007


Well, once again, I see how I do everything wrong.

I saw a little news ditty today about OK! magazine ponying up $2 million for the privilege of taking exclusive pictures at Eva Longoria's wedding to Tony Parker. The first thing I wondered was Do people care that much about this wedding?

Then I realized I'm a nobody. When I got married we had to pay the photographer to have him take pictures at our wedding.

Go figure, huh?


I just realized a mistake, or rather, an oversight. One of those meme things was going around, I decided to participate, and then just didn't do it! That stinks, huh?

So, better late than never. The meme was to ask me any three questions you wanted to, and I'd answer them. The only catch was, you had to offer yourself up for questioning on your blog :)

So, without any further nonsense, here we go:

Em, over at "Two Write Hands" asked:

1. What's the matter with the world today? I think the biggest problem now is that we have nearly no self-constraint left, and we're seeing the results of that now. Today it's pretty much, "do what you wanna do" without any concerns about consequences.

2. Do you crack corn? Every third Thursday of the month.

3. Am I supposed to let three people ask me questions now? Yes. Please.

Nancy, over at "NancyLuvsPix" asked:

1) You have to choose the future careers of your children. They will not be able to do anything else but what you choose. What career would you pick for each? Ok for my oldest girl, no doubt, Meteorology, because it's something she has shown an incredible passion for, and that she really has developed an intense interest in. I know pursuing that will challenge her and make her happy. For my son, something that combines his aptitude for computing with his love of video-gaming. He enjoys the computer, and he adores his X-Box, and I think that design would be a lucrative career. For my youngest girl, I'd see her as a chef. Since she was little, she'd sit and watch the cooking shows, completely mesmerized. She promised me that she'd be a chef someday at Applebee's, and make me the ribs I love so much. So, there'd be a little self-interest at play there :)

2) You must choose between marrying a democratic Christian...or a Republican Atheist. Which would you pick? A Republican Atheist. I feel I'd have a better shot talking sense to this one :)

3) What 5 qualities to you admire most and least about yourself? No fair...that's 10 answers! But...
Qualities I admire about myself?

  • I have an eye for beauty. All kinds. You give me a minute, I can find something beautiful about anyone.

  • Empathy, and a willingness to be a good listener. I've actually been able to make myself care about others' problems and concerns.

  • I'm a go-to guy. When the crush is on, and a deadline looms, I'll never say no to lending a hand. I love group projects.

  • I'm technologically adept! I will sit with a broken computer and not get up till it's fixed. I've never thrown in the towel on a computer crisis!

  • I've been told I'm a pleasure to "have on board" by women I've worked for. I don't know if that qualifies as a "quality", but, 5 women bosses, 5 gold-star reviews, I like it!

The Ones I Don't Admire...

  • I procrastinate. Too much.

  • I'm terribly impatient with other motorists. I blame it on learning to drive as a NY City Citizen, but I sure wish I could stop that, now that I don't live there.

  • While I like to think it takes a whole lot to make me angry, I tend not to be very forgiving once I reach that threshold.

  • I'm a sucker. At least once a month I find myself kicking myself in the ass for allowing myself to be used by someone with an agenda or ulterior motive.

  • I hate attention hounds, aka needy people who are too selfish to ever concern themselves with anyone else's lives. They find a way to make everything "about them." Why don't I admire this? You're not supposed to "hate" anyone.

Ok you two, open your entries to others now. And if anyone else should feel moved to indulge me in this opportunity to talk about myself, please, feel free.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Passing Fancy?

The way things always seem to happen in this country, something comes along and attracts some attention. Usually starts with a small group somewhere, catches on slowly but surely, and before you know it, everyone is into it, people are talking about it everywhere. It permeates the culture, the fad becomes a craze, and even the most "un-hip" of people are singing its praises.

The something funny happens. Starts becoming obvious that it wasn't all it was cut out to be. It isn't as good for you as people thought, and because people didn't really listen, they were into it without knowing too much about it.

The fad starts to fade, and where you once thought it was the best thing ever, you now find empty shelves, and people who proclaimed it as gospel, now want pretty much nothing to do with it. The craze ends, and it pretty much goes away.

No, not HipHop, I'm talking about the Atkins Diet.

Friday, June 22, 2007

Doctor Doom?

Somewhere out there is the worst doctor in the world. And someone has an appointment with him tomorrow...

Seems a doctor in India thought it would be all kinds of fun-zies to let his son perform a genuine Caesarian section. On a live human. And he filmed it!

The idea was, to get the son into the Guiness book of World Records as the "youngest surgeon." Guess he'd never heard of Doogie Howser, MD.

Doc (the big one) is in a little trouble now.


Thursday, June 21, 2007

A Head Shaker

The Presidential election is one of the most important decisions we make as a nation, right? What scares me is, there are some real lunatics out there who have just as much right to vote as everyone else. That's really unsettling to me.

Tonight I found a comment to a news item that exposed a new depth to me. The article was reporting that Hillary Clinton received boos while giving a speech about the war. I really should know better, but I scrolled to the comments section. I found this comment:

"Any woman who runs for any office has to put up with the slings and arrows of disinchanted males. I believe the Republican party is responsible for the "booing" it is THEIR WAY. They do not have the amunition to fight fairly. Hillary Clinton is a very fine person who will make a great president. She is qualified. OBAMA IS A POSSIBLE MUSLIM ISLAMIC"

Enlighten me, please. What the hell does that last sentence mean? And is it possible to revoke that person's right to vote?

That gave me a headache.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

A "Thinking Blog" Award

Who'd a thunk it? I was tagged with a "Thinking Blogger Award" over at Two Write Hands I sure do appreciate that, knowing that someone thinks, amidst all my nonsense, that I am actually capable of thought.

The Award started at The Thinking Blog and has been passed along to me. Like I said, I do appreciate that, thank you.

The way this whole thing works is, I now give 5 awards to people whose blogs make me think. I assume the idea is to pass it forward, although I would be amiss not to mention that I enjoy reading Two Write Hands, a new blog on my list, and one that definitely keeps me thinking. I'm also going to try and give it to blogs that have not received an award yet, just to keep things moving. I like this idea. I'm also not going to name any AOL Journals since there is already an award over there.

Ok so enough with the disclaimers, huh?

My 5 choices for "Thinking Blogs" are:

  • Rules For A Reason Kristen definitely makes me think, and respond, as well as writing a journal that expresses a lot of thought.I don't think we should ever drive together, lol, because we share a common pet peeve there, but I really, really like the way this Lady thinks.

  • Miss Nemesis I never go away disappointed when I read this one. She shares a lot of great ideas, and when she wants to be, is very funny. Always gets me thinking.

  • A Little East Of Reality Chosha is on my must-read list daily, because she never fails to make me think carefully about what she's written, and I don't want to leave comments not fitting for a blog of this stature.

  • I'm Not Going Crazy This Lady never seems to miss. I can't tell you how nice it is to find someone who thinks like you do, and who just has a knack of making you see things in a new light.

  • The Daily Warrior Tammy probably doesn't know this, but she helped me get over myself, get past the nonsense, and get on with my life. Why? Because she is living proof that life can be wonderful, no matter what the circumstances. It sounds corny, but Tammy is one of my inspirations, as well as one of my heroes.

So there you have my choices. I think this is a great thing. The recipients will now get mad at me, but the other condition here is that they all, in turn, now need to nominate their own 5 choices for awards and pass them along. I hope they take this as the sincere compliment it was intended to be.
Please remember to tag your Blog with the award picture at the top of this post!

Early Morning Do

I went to sleep ridiculously early last night, so I woke up just as ridiculously early this morning.

And I woke up with the same thing nagging at my mind that I went to sleep with last night. Twice this week, a comment was passed to me about my daughter. Now if I were to write that the comments were something along the lines of "wow, she's getting heavy" or "she's fat, huh?" people would be outraged right there with me.

But in this case, the comments were: "You better start feeding her, she's too thin" and "Is she ok, she's too skinny." She heard both those comments, by the way.

I want to set a few things straight here. My daughter apparently takes after Daddy, genetically speaking. When I was her age, I went from a short chubby kid to a long tall "drink of water" as it was put, inside of a year and a half. My daughter is extremely active, one of those "never sits still" type of kids. She rides her bike everywhere, she takes her dog out all the time to run like silly maniacs. She swims a lot, she plays "Manhunt" with the other kids on the street till all hours. And she's going through her genetically-inherited growth spurt.

But for all the psychoanalyst wanna-be's, she is not in the grips of an eating disorder. She is not unhealthy, as her complexion, her energy, her hair, teeth and whatever will attest to. She has regular checkups with her MD as well as her gynocologist. And trust me, the child eats. She takes three squares a day, and while she snacks regularly, her choice of snacks are things like grapes, apples, Wheat Thins and granola. In my house we have both unhealthy and healthy snacks (cause Daddy tends to indulge in the not-so-good for you goodies here and there). But mostly, she never stops moving. She drinks water bottles by the dozen, she likes cranberry juice too, but Pepsi finds its way into her diet a little more than I'd like.

In my eyes, if she were heavy it would be very disparaging to her to make negative comments about that. She has the metabolism of a shrew, and if I allowed it, would probably consume her body weight in food every day. So why is it any less disparaging to make comments about her being "too skinny?"

Three of my best friends in the world are women who are thin, active and in shape. Why would anyone think that because they have flat bellies that they are anything less than healthy? Or attractive, for that matter. Trust me, they are beautiful, radiant women. And they are every bit as "real" as their curvier counterparts.

Women are beautiful in all shapes and sizes. Curvy can be beautiful, but not "better" than thin. And vice-versa. I recognize it, appreciate that. We can't criticize a woman for being heavy, and I believe we don't have the right to criticize a woman for not being heavy.I understand that. I think more people ought to.

Monday, June 18, 2007

For Britney

You think Britney Spears could use this?

Saturday, June 16, 2007


Yeah, Things aren't so smooth out there on the romance horizon these days, huh?

I was driving home with the radio on. They played three songs in a row:

  • Carrie Underwood singing about bashing some cheater's 4x4 to pieces

  • Pink telling some guy that he's outta luck

  • Kelli Clarkson wailing "Never Again"

Now Underwood I'm completely familiar with, and if some yokel cheats on her, it just convinces me that redneck guys really must be stupid.

Can't say I really know much about Pink. Joan Jett and Pat Benatar pretty much cornered the market in "tough chick" rock, so I never paid too much attention before. This song in particular, though, made me wonder. So I checked her out. Now she's blowing some guy off, big time, with that "Just You and Your Hand" tune, so naturally I assumed she was gonna be really hot. Ya know, usually you gotta be smokin' to have that much attitude. I was pretty disappointed, actually. The "hand" might be a better offer, at least for me.

Now this Clarkson tune, "Never Again"; pretty clear what that's about, huh? Again, I was thinking...Clarkson fighting with the record company, telling the world she's never told anyone "I love you" romantically, now she had to cancel her tour because of lousy ticket sales. "Because of You", "Since U Been Gone", "Never Again"...hmm a little extra vinegar in that salad dressing?

Alanis Morissette did the "scorned woman" thing so much better, no? When she blasted off, I kept thinking that whomever dumped her was missing out on something awesome. When Clarkson screams, I keep thinking, "Wow, I'm lucky not to be that guy". She says she never fell in love, but I dunno, you can't make up that kind of emo.

I was actually thinking, "how come guys don't write songs dumping all over women like this?"

Oh yeah...Rap. A whole genré of tunes crappin' on women. Pardon me. Idiot moment.

Then as I pulled into the driveway, Beyoncé's "To The Left" started playing. Quality relationship that must've been if he was replaced in a minute, huh?

I turned the radio off.

I love you.

Friday, June 15, 2007

Obama Boring?

When I was a kid growing up, life was pretty clear-cut. There was school time, Church time, chores time, and playtime. You didn't overlap any of those times, because you had to focus on the task at hand. You played at playtime, not during school or Church.

Roland Martin sat down recently to interview Barack Obama for TV One (I believe it airs July 2nd, 2007). Martin asked the candidate to address the fact that he is perceived as "boring".

His answer was very controlled and reflective of his intelligence and education, explaining that he believes all behaviors have the appropriate forums. He knows about the importance of sound bites, but also knows when there is a need to be informative, which some might consider "boring."

Hi. Are we voting for the next American President, or the Next American Idol?

While this might be cute and entertaining, I'm hoping to God that it's not the future of American politics. I know that the national attention span seems to have narrowed down to about 40 seconds, and the news media have become nothing more than another leg of the entertainment industry. Paris Hilton gets 10 times as much media coverage as the War in Iraq, and we seem to be ok with that.

School is definitely in session folks, and it's time to turn off the cartoons and put the sippy-cups in the sink. We're living in some of the most turbulent times we've experienced in a very long time. We have important decisions to make, because the next one into the President's chair is going to have to fix a whole lot of broken things. This is the reality show with the biggest impact on all our lives.

It's very true that having a dynamic personality and tremendous speaking skills are assets we've always looked for in our leadership, and I think Obama possesses those traits in a big way. He might want to learn to condense his ideas a little better, but he has a lot of very good things to say. Education at times can be tedious and boring, but the ones who stick it out usually come out ahead. The same goes for folks who tough out the campaigns.

I'd hate to think that this election is going to be won by the candidate with the best sound bites. I hope to God that there are people who are going to be willing to spend at least as much time on the campaign as they do on the latest edition of "Survivor" or "America's Next Top Model". Having more people voting for American Idol than in the National Election really isn't something we need to brag about.

There's a whole lot more at stake here, my friends.

Hyperactivity Can Lead to TMI

I can't sleep tonight, so I'm reading blogs all over the place.

The lovely Ms. Lily, over at I Must Be Dreaming wrote an entry where she invited readers to ask her 3 questions that she promised to answer.

I decided to ask her three questions, but part of the bargain is, I have to invite readers to ask me three questions that I promise to answer. So, anyone who wants to ask, leave your questions in the comment box, and I'll do my best. Everyone who wants to can ask, if you care, lol.


Is "lovely" a loser-word?

I was watching an interview of Angelina Jolie tonight by Larry King over on CNN. She was discussing the making of her upcoming movie, "A Mighty Heart", and the whole time she was answering the questions, the word "lovely" kept coming to my mind.

Thursday, June 14, 2007


Some things I've heard got me thinking...

I was asked, "Why is it ok for heavy women to say nasty things about about about skinny women, but not the other way around?"

That was asked of me by a woman who considers herself heavy. She's writing a paper for a class, and she asked if I would proofread it and give her my thoughts. One of her main points in the theme was that the whole "real beauty" movement is just another example of Americans lowering the bar, and not striving to be the best we can be. She made an interesting point that in the latest issue of a popular magazine, there's an article about the American Idol winner celebrating her "curvy body", and immediately following that is an article about amazing weight loss stories. She said it sends confusing signals.

It got me thinking, for sure. What's your take on the "lowering the bar" comment?

Someone else said to me, "funny how one of the most vile words we speak (the "F" word) is used to describe one of the most intimate acts two people can share."

I watched my fifth episode of "Curb Your Enthusiasm" earlier. I don't think it's funny. I have never watched it before this year, and I usually insist on watching at least five episodes of a show before I feel fit to comment on it. My friends always tell me to catch it, that it's hilarious. I don't agree. I'm done with that one.

The jury is still out on, "John From Cincinnati". I'll get back to you on that.

Breaking News!

Paris Hilton is still in jail, and still dominating the news.

Just so you know.

The Accent Primer

I've had a few conversations recently with people who are not from my area. They've all commented or questioned about the accent that is native to the NY Tri-state area, particularly NY City and Jersey.
While I've got to great pains to soften my own accent, it's comparable to riding a bike: you never really forget how. Some people like it, others despise it. I like to focus on the people who like it, or find it amusing, rather than those whose bones turn to dust upon hearing us speak.
So, for those who might be interested in learning a little about our speech patterns, I thought I'd post some "how to's". (Hey, they always tell you to write about what you know) and give you some lessons on how to sound like us.
Just a note, it's not pretty, by any means.

To start us off, I thought I would go with our version of the popular greeting: "Hello, how are you today?"

And just to get it over with, the one that everyone wants to hear:

One of our most common traits here in these parts is our love for food, sitting down to a nice big meal with friends or family. Food is on our mind quite often, as we have some of the best restaurants in the world here in our region, and the cultural diversity here lends itself to some great eating experiences.

We love to eat, and we love to make sure our friends and loved ones are well taken care of. It's not uncommon to hear something along the lines of these:

I believe that's enough to get us started today. I do take translation requests, if you'd like to hear and learn our language! Be sure to practice now, they're on the test.


Hi there.

I like to think I'm rather progressive. I gave up Caveman Machismo years and years ago. Really. Taking care of 3 kids on your own can do that to you.

You know how it's kind of an "unwritten rule" that hubby never buy an appliance for the Mrs. on holidays or birthdays? Well, I'd like to add a "NOT to-do" to the equation for the Hubbies out there.

Ladies, we really don't mind doing our share of the household jobs. (at least not to your faces) We've accepted the changing roles as well as the ones that have been modified. For some guys, (like yours truly) the jobs have become part of our daily lives, because if we don't do them, they're not gonna get done, right? Face it, if kiddo needs 2 dozen cupcakes for the class party, we either step up to the plate or take our chances with the Fire Marshal.

But there needs to be one little itty-bitty line drawn here. I was listening to the local newsradio station, and one of the segments featured gift ideas for Father's Day. The list went something like this:

  • Organize a fishing trip for him. Yay.

  • Maybe season tickets to some sports team? Yayy

  • A masculine-looking diaper bag.

(insert sound of screeching brakes here)

Please. Please please pretty diaper bags for Daddy's big day, ok? There is no such thing as a masculine dress, (keep the kilts comments to a minimum please?) and no matter what, you're not gonna butch-up a diaper bag. We've already resigned ourselves to the pink flowery shoulder bags, or the ones with all the pretty little teddy bears emblazoned all over it. We've accepted that fate much the way we have learned to live with the occasional root canal. It's a necessary evil. Hey, sometimes it can even give a start to a friendship ("ha, your wife makes you take that bag out too, huh?)

But please. You know how you'd feel if you got a vacuum cleaner on Valentine's Day? Hold that thought, apply it to Father's Day, and please, don't be tempted.

Some of you might say, "Hey, my guy got one and he loved it!"

No. He didn't. He pretended to, or maybe you've given him so many lousy gifts in the past that this time it was more a case of "well, this ain't so bad!" That's relief, not joy.

OK. Season tickets are way up on the list, but they might be a bit pricey. However, that is not a good enough excuse to hit him with a diaper bag. He'd rather have a tie. Or socks.

Trust me.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Quiet Riot

A few years ago, I witnessed a riot. I mean a real-life, full-blown donnybrook in the streets, complete with riot police in full riot gear. It was one of the scariest things I have ever seen.

Yesterday, I attended a kiddie birthday party at a combination miniature golf/arcade place.

The only difference yesterday was the absence of the riot police.

Now look, I was a crazy kid with crazy friends, and I'm not a completely clueless old fart. I love kids having fun, and I don't expect them to behave like robots. I've been known to rile up a group of little people now and then, myself.

But what the heck? Is every situation involving more than one kid expected now to just spiral out of control? Is "fun" now synonymous with "complete mayhem?" Three kids sustained some pretty considerable injuries yesterday, including a 4 year old who ran headlong into a door and was knocked silly.

I also don't consider myself anywhere near a perfect parent, but how do you just stand idly by and allow these kids to wreak havoc completely unchecked? I mean I know we're supposed to allow our kids to "express themselves", have fun and all. But even if you're so clueless as to not care about the personal property of others, don't you even care about your own kid's safety?

There were 2 pounds of popcorn completely scattered everywhere, 200 gallons of soda spilled everywhere, chairs overturned. When the kids sang "Happy Birthday" the ones closest to the cake finished up by shoving their hands completely into the cake. One kid took to the mini-golf course and proceeded to whack the balls (his father kept getting him new ones) everywhere, including over the fence. And Dad laughed.

Maybe because I have a little girl, my protective instincts were in overdrive, but seriously...what the heck is going on?

Soprano Hits A Low-Note (Possible Spoiler-watch out)

Well, I don't know about you, but I wasn't too happy with the conclusion of the series "The Sopranos".

I know with TV and movies nowadays, they always have to leave a door open for sequels, reunions, etc., and they love to leave folks wanting more, but this ending felt cheap and cheezy to me. I think a series this good deserved better than a "Friday The 13th"-type ending.

What do you think?

You can take a quick poll click here

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Sunday Sermon...

Father Charles used to say that "practice makes perfect!"

But he also used to say, "Nobody's perfect"

Catholicism can be difficult.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Some Things...

...are just wrong.

I was fiddling with the Channel Guide on my kids' cable system, and nowhere on the whole network, on any channel, is "The Honeymooners" available. At all.

Something just doesn't feel right there...

But to make matters worse, there is a movie on Showtime called "The Honeymooners", only it stars "Cedric The Entertainer".

If you're not gonna give me the real thing, better to give me nothing.

As I said, something just not right there...

An Assessment

So, let me see if I figured this out correctly...With the summer movies from now on, we either get:

  • Comic-book characters

  • Bad sexual situations

  • Morons

This isn't a complaint, this is just a guess. Sound right?

Thursday, June 07, 2007

To Laugh, Or Not To Laugh...

I'm grateful for Dane Cook. I couldn't sleep much last night, so I caught a rebroadcast of his "Vicious Circle" show on HBO.

I'm grateful because Cook makes me laugh. I mean really laugh, not just a snicker or two. And for me, the significance of that is, he's contemporary, he's young (is "hip" still allowed?) and that means that my sense of humor isn't lost, or locked into the Stone Age.

Previously the same evening, I stopped by my niece's house. She was just starting to watch a DVR recording of the most recent MTV Movie Awards Show. As I came in, the show's host, Sarah Silverman, was beginning her opening monologue. I sat through the entire thing, watching the audience laugh out loud, yet I didn't even crack a smile. Silverman made a quasi-racial joke, and the camera caught Samuel L. Jackson, whom I believe only "laughed" when he realized he was on camera. But not a laugh from me. Not once. Her whole act left me dry.

The show featured movie spoofs, not even a chuckle. Appearances by Will Ferrell, Sasha Baron Cohen, not a grin. I watched people rolling in the aisles, but here I sat stone-faced. At one point, I checked my pulse to see if I was still alive.

"What's wrong with me?" I thought, "What happened to my sense of humor?"

I didn't "get" Borat. One night, the same niece had me watching "Talledega Nights" with her, and it might as well have been a dry documentary, judging by the amount of laughs it got out of me.

Now last night, my niece rewound a couple of things to laugh at them again, yet my face thought it was at a funeral maybe. It really does bother me because I'm not uptight, I like to laugh, but you don't really control that reaction, do you?

Did you ever watch a young child who does something that gets a laugh? The kid loves the reaction, and the attention, so she'll do it again and again, but of course the laughs become fewer and farther between, and usually the parent will say something along the lines of, "OK, that's enough now..."

That's kind of how my brain interpreted Silverman's act. Something like, "OK, these buttons have been pushed way too many times for it to be funny." I could almost predict everything she was going to do or say. It just left me stoic. But I don't like not having a sense of humor.

So I later brought my grumpy self home. And when I saw the Dane Cook thing, I stayed with it. And laughed a lot.

I felt better this morning, thanks. Dane Cook to the rescue.

A Little Legal Work

Ok, so Nicole, your friend Paris' stint in jail is done and overwith. We assume you'll be ready next, based on the Letterman Show interview.

Just for purposes of expediting things, when you're sentenced, all you'll have to do is pass by the jailhouse, sign a couple of papers, maybe snap a few pics with us, and then you can go home.

No special treatment, ok?

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Albertson's/Supervalu Beef Recall

From the Supervalu website:

In Cooperation with United Food Group LLC, SUPERVALU Recalls Certain Ground Beef Due to Possible Health Risk
Recalled products sold at Albertsons and Save-A-Lot stores

EDEN PRAIRIE, Minn.--(BUSINESS WIRE)--June 4, 2007--In cooperation with United Food Group LLC, SUPERVALU is voluntarily recalling from sale certain ground beef items due to a possible contamination of the E. coli 0157:H7 bacteria. The products, most of which are sold under the Moran's label, have been recalled from SUPERVALU's Albertsons store locations in California, Idaho, Montana, Nevada, North Dakota, Oregon, Utah, Washington and Wyoming and Save-A-Lot store locations in Arizona, California and Nevada

Supervalu Website

Customers who purchased the beef can return it for a full refund or exchange. The company has set up a toll-free number to handle customer questions: (800) 325-4164

It wasn't easy to find that information on the Supervalu and Alberston's website, even though nowadays, probably half the country would now tend to go to the web for detailed info on such stories. At the time of this entry, this story was tucked in on the "Investors" section of the website, as if only the stockholders needed to know this.

Monday, June 04, 2007

Paris, The Incarceration! Day 1

Well, Ms. Paris Hilton officially became a jailbird last night/early this morning. She checked in, and we haven't heard anything since. She's not going to have her cell in the cell, no Sidekick, no Blackberry. The guards have been instructed not to provide any photographs of Ms. Hilton, although we hear a good photo of her behind bars could fetch as much as $500,000. We'll see how that goes, huh?

I guess we're inclined to wish her well. Seems the decent thing to do.

Sunday, June 03, 2007

To-Do Lists

Something somebody wrote got me thinking about "chores". I'm not quite qualified to discuss shared chores, since at the moment I live alone, but I was married, living with someone, and I hope to maybe do so again in the future, so it might be pertinent.

There are all kinds of chores, obviously. The garbage can fills up, take it out. Laundry hamper full, take it on down to the laundry room. But some things aren't so obvious. My question pertains to the jobs that don't need doing every day. Let's think about such things as "shelf liners" for the cabinets, or changing the curtains. I'm the type of guy who, if you ask me to do something,it's usually "no problem". There always seems to be one person in a relationship who is more in tune with the less "obvious" requirements, and that is not me. I admit that.

But if you want something done, you simply ask, and I'll do it.

So the question is, can you deal with someone like that?

BBQ or "Grilling"

Ok, hi there! I need to address something.

Nice quiet Sunday, sitting around loafing, watching some Sunday TV. I hit upon the Food Network, and some Lady on there invites her friends over for a BBQ, only she's BBQing homemade pizzas.

You do not BBQ PIZZA!

I have been watching a whole lotta things getting ruined in this country. Tradition is dead. Nothing is sacred anymore! But I cannot sit and allow my most cherished tradition to be killed without putting up at least a little bit of a fight.

The Foo-Foo people are ruining everything with their "designer" beer, bottled spring water and "expressive" cooking. I saw one lady adding crushed hot pepper to chocolate cake mix. That, my friends, is just wrong. It's time to take a stand, and for me, that stand is in front of my BBQ grill.

In these parts, I'm the King of BBQ (and I have the burn scars to prove it!)I am a BBQ Purist. If you come to my place for a BBQ you will find such things as:


Hot Dogs

BBQ Chicken

BBQ ribs

BBQ'd Steaks


sometimes Knockwurst or


Burgers are meant to be served with cheese, ketchup, maybe sliced tomato or onions. Bacon-cheeseburgers don't typically qualify as BBQ food because, if you're an idiot like me and tried throwing bacon on the grill, you know that doesn't work well. But if I see you trying to top my burger with something like "bruschetta", or "chutney", or "mango mayonnaise" (what the heck is that, anyway?), you're gonna get your hand smacked.

Yes Sir, Yes Ma'am, you'll see nothing but traditional BBQ foods when you get the invite over here.

What you won't see on my BBQ are such things as:

because those are not BBQ foods. Those are GRILLED foods, and they are interlopers with no place at the table of a BBQ purist!

You might see

on the tables to snack on. What says "American" more than a handful of potato chips that don't even crunch when you bite them, or pretzels that bend without breaking? You gotta love humidity-enhanced snack foods.

Putting this
on the table just makes me weep.

For the BBQ purist's side dishes, there is a selection of such things as:
Baked beans

Potato salad

Cole slaw

Macaroni salad


is an abomination. They even have a Foo-Foo name..."grilled veggies". Barf. Imagine the look you'd get if you pulled over at one of those Roadside BBQ joints and asked for "a side order of grilled veggies, please?"
You might be leavin' in a big hurry.

Now look, I'm not gonna say that some of those Foo-Foo foods don't taste just fine. I'm sure they do, in the right setting. Foo-Foo grilled foods are why Jenn-Aire invented the indoor grill, because "grilling" is a cooking method.

BBQing is a lifestyle, baby, and one that I'm not ready to let go of just yet. So back off!!!!!!!!

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Oh, and, John?

My biggest problem with politicians isn't that they lie. My problem is that they throw bullshit out now without even considering for a minute how stupid the constituency would have to be to take them at their word.

This from Fox News..."Market Research

Democratic presidential candidate John Edwards — the multimillionaire who has made fighting for poor people a key campaign issue — says he worked for a hedge fund to learn how financial markets relate to poverty. "It was primarily to learn," Edwards said, "but making money was a good thing, too."

Edwards won't say how much he earned as a paid consultant to Fortress Investment Group. But Fortress was the single biggest employer of Edwards' donors during the first three months of this year — with more than $67,000 in contributions.

Hedge funds are group investments that are not as tightly regulated as traditional mutual funds. Edwards says his job with fortress was a complement to his position as the head of a poverty center at the University of North Carolina.

John: Please don't say things like that any more, ok?


It is my opinion that the moral fiber of this country has deteriorated to the point now where it cannot be salvaged. I don't believe we can ever turn things around again.

It is my opinion that Big Business is now completely free to do whatever it wants in its pursuit of money. We have reached the point where the workers and the consumers no longer matter. Outsourcing convinces me of that; incidents like the poisoned pet foods, the toothpaste with DEG loaded into it are just the latest examples of how the bottom line is the only thing that matters. A corporation exists for no other reason than to make money for its stockholders. Read this for another reason I believe this to be true...Read More

It is my opinion that this government is inept at every level. This government simply acts now only when it's caught not doing the job it was supposed to do in the first place. The Hurricane Katrina debacle will stand as a glaring example of that but incidents like the discovery of the sorry state of affairs at Walter Reed Hospital and the utter joke that took place at the Canadian/US border, when a border agent completely disregarded the computer warning to detain Andrew Speaker. Speaker is the jet-setting lawyer who is now confined to a Denver hospital for treatment for XDR Tuberculosis.

And, in my opinion, the whole Andrew Speaker TB incident just futher reinforces my opinion from the first paragraph. The new rule is that there are no rules, and that if you can do something, if you have the money, the wherewithal to do something, then dammit, go right ahead and do what you want. Don't worry one bit about what effect your actions might have on anyone else, and hell, if you're hard pressed afterward, just toss out some "heartfelt apology". Or maybe check into rehab.

Time to call it a night.