Sunday, June 03, 2007

To-Do Lists

Something somebody wrote got me thinking about "chores". I'm not quite qualified to discuss shared chores, since at the moment I live alone, but I was married, living with someone, and I hope to maybe do so again in the future, so it might be pertinent.

There are all kinds of chores, obviously. The garbage can fills up, take it out. Laundry hamper full, take it on down to the laundry room. But some things aren't so obvious. My question pertains to the jobs that don't need doing every day. Let's think about such things as "shelf liners" for the cabinets, or changing the curtains. I'm the type of guy who, if you ask me to do something,it's usually "no problem". There always seems to be one person in a relationship who is more in tune with the less "obvious" requirements, and that is not me. I admit that.

But if you want something done, you simply ask, and I'll do it.

So the question is, can you deal with someone like that?


  1. I catch those things and if I can give cause for chore he is happy to do it. I think it's a good quality to be open to a chore. ;)

  2. I can do a lot of mundane chores without so much as a grumble--provided someone asks--and at least pretends I have a modicum of control over how I spend my time. It's just courtesy to ask. It's also courtesy to say "OK".

  3. Absolutely.

    We all have to ask or be told how to meet the needs of those we live with from time to time.

    My grandparents are cute that way. One day while I was visiting, my grandma asked my grandpa to run to the store and pick up a few potatoes for dinner.

    His response:
    "Sure, and how many potatoes is a few potatoes today, Frances?"

    Even 50 or 60 years together doesn't make us perfect mind readers.

  4. This is a loaded question, which even has made it into Family Science scholarly studies & research. Having to ask for something to be done can make it seem that the asker is assuming a personal need for the chore that "needs" doing. The other partner is then doing a "favor" to fulfill the "need", and not because it needs to be done.

    For example, I used to explain to my husband that the front room needed vacuuming because it had been a month since it had been done. He maintained that, since we weren't often in the room, it was fine. So then it became MY personal need to have the room vacuumed, which was a good enough reason for him to do it.

    This makes the asker feel (and seem) more needy than is really the case. I'm not a needy person, but I do have higher standards of cleanliness than my husband. But should that be a personal need? I don't feel I should have to ask for everything, because then it makes it solely my responsibility to get it done, when we both live in and dirty the home.

    (btw, I do have a very happy marriage and we've worked the system out pretty well - but it was rough at first. I've learned to ask more and he's good at pitching in and helping or asking what he can do to help.)

  5. I'm picky about how things are done lol But yeah, Will's like that. All I have to say is "honey would you rinse out those glasses?" or "gather up the laundry for me, I need to get it done" etc and he'll do it quite happily. I'm lucky, he actually LIKES to help me do chores when we're at home. But otherwise I prefer him to just stay out of my way and let me get everything done lol I'm too picky to lay back and let him do things himself.


  6. Shelf liners? Changing curtains? Yes I could deal with that. It's people who need to be reminded that there are dishes in the sink, or who can somehow manage to add something to the recycle bin without seeing that it is overflowing, who drive me nuts.


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