Joy

There is something missing in my life at the moment. It is something that no one can give you, nor is it something that someone should give you.
It is joy.
I'm not talking about love, or wedded bliss, or contentment. I'm talking about an abstract. This kind of joy is rarely expressed. It is entirely internal. It's not the kind of joy that you share in and of itself. It's not a mutual feeling. It's the kind of joy that motivates us to do things that bring joy to others. It's a feeling inside that comes back every morning with the opening of your eyes. That feeling of being, that feeling of not only being glad to be alive, but of being grateful for the gift of life. It's something that makes you get through rough times with the same resolve that helps you appreciate the good times.
It's such a simple concept. It's something that should be so easy to hold on to. Life is a gift that we're not always wise enough to appreciate while we are alive. Life is a source of so much regret when that joy is missing. Life is a treasure that we relish every minute of when that joy is with us.
Worry doesn't change things. Yet we worry a lot more than we care to admit. Things don't get better because we worry about them. Life gets better when we act in a strong, positive way. The ability to do as much, I believe, stems from having that joy.
It's so hard to get hold of something that when we have it, we don't know that we do. This joy I'm talking about isn't a tangible. When we look for it, we don't have it. When we have it, we don't do enough to nurture it, and we can lose it without trying.
I want it back. I know that this particular feeling can't be given back. Even by those who would wish it for us. I guess it's a natural process, much like breathing. It's not the only thing in life. But life is so different without it.
Wish me luck.

Thoughts On A Holiday

Typically, with the Easter holiday, "freedom" isn't the theme for the day. But I had an experience Sunday that really brought that to mind.

It was all seemingly unimportant, but when I thought about things, it really became significant.

Case in point: There was a couple seated in front of me in Church, probably in their early 30's. They had with them a little boy, my guess is about 3 or 4 years old. From the moment the three of them settled in the pew, the show began. The boy immediately cut loose. He grabbed at the songbooks, then the missals, each grab was met with some resistance by the parents. He was climbing up on the bench. then down under the bench. They would pick him up to restrain him, he'd squirm, they'd put him down, he'd continue. He got a good hold of one of the songbooks, and immediately began tearing the pages out; Mom grabbed the book, then Dad picked him up, he squirmed and cried. Dad put him down, he made for the aisle.

You get the point.

All I could think about was what life was like the rest of the week with this little Tyrant. From the minute his eyes open, he dominates the lives of everyone around him. This future criminal had no boundaries, no restraint. I could only see life with this kid, every waking moment of the parents' lives dedicated to either fulfilling his wants, or meekly resisting behavior they don't approve of. I know that throughout history, people have struggled, sometimes in vain, against tyranny. The worst of it had to be when the invaders reached the home front, which is what these people dealt with the entire 60 minutes of the Church service.

I'm not a perfect parent, but at least in my life, the hierarchy is established. That's the case, in part, because I know that the world requires some restraint and decorum, (although these days, good manners and behavior might be a detriment to them) but my brain would never allow a 4 year old to dictate my life to me.

Parenting is hard. That's an understatement. But it requires the proper efforts from day one of the child's life, or one can be prepared to battle it out for freedom for a long time to come.

Not exactly an Easter thought, but it did become very important to me.

And man, it was exhausting to watch.

10

Everyone has at least one weak spot, that one person, song, thing that absolutely melts your heart. One of those is my 9 year old, who turns 10 today...my Girl, my Baby.

Her name is Theresa, but since the moment she was born, she's always been "Baby". And even at 10 years old, she still indulges me calling her that. In fact, the first words I ever spoke to her were, "hello Baby."

This child touches my heart every single time I'm by her. She's either very genuine, or has mastered the "Daddy's Girl" script down to the letter. She has made me unashamedly cry tears of joy, and no one, not anyone else on Earth, gives a hug like this child; warms you to the heart.

I have three children who each touch me in their own special way, but today is her birthday, and she gets to steal the spotlight today.

She came along at a very, very difficult time in my life. Yet because of those troubles, I was able to be home with her the entire first month of her life. Imagine experiencing a love so strong that it makes the pain of the most horrible illness simply go away. That love, that bond is still as strong today as the day it first formed.

I love her so much, and being alive today to share that love with her is a gift I know I have to thank God for.

So thank you God. And thank you "Baby". Happy 10th birthday.

Neanderthal

When men get angry, they all react differently. But there is one moment all we guys have in common, that one moment when, in our minds, we go back to our caveman roots. We want to smash what makes us angry, make it go away.

Evolution has taught us that those ways aren't the best. And usually we get past those Neanderthal moments pretty quickly and deal with the problem at hand in the most rational way we can.

For me, part of that process, getting past the pre-historic, is having my friends involved. They talk sense to me, and make me see that I have to act responsibly. It's good for me to always have at least one good friend to talk to, because I know they'll always act in my best interests, and get me behaving in a way that has the best interests of those around me at heart.

Tonight I had a Neanderthal moment. My oldest girl had her heart crushed by a boy. It isn't the first time, and I know it won't be the last. Only this boy is a bad guy, and it isn't the first time he's done this. There have been other boys, and other heartbreaks, but this boy does it because he is a control freak, and I couldn't sit silently and just "offer support". I was angry, very angry, because he keeps coming back, solely for the purpose of making her cry. He tries to keep others from her as well, and he tries to control her life.

I know what has to be done. I know how these boys think. I know because there was a time when I behaved that way, albeit a short time, thankfully. But I know what's in his mind. He wants to do whatever he wants, but he wants to make sure that she is always there, ready for him to come back when playtime is over.

I can't have that. But I also know that simply forbidding contact with him will work against me. She has to come to realize that he is a bad guy all on her own, but there is nothing wrong with helping her to clear her vision.

In the meantime, though, I had that moment that I wanted to make this boy go away, my way. And while my daughter was talking to her Mom, I used that time to get hold of my rational self. I did have my Caveman moment, with visions of clubs over the head, etc. And I had a good friend to talk to. She let me rant and rave, and then delivered a solid dose of good common sense to bring me around to reality.

I smile when I think of that conversation now, because I don't think she's seen that side of me. I rarely get that way, but someone hurting my kid tends to bring that out in me. But she stuck to her gameplan, and got me thinking rationally again.

I do tend to be long-winded, it's just the way I am. But my girl and me sat for better than an hour once I wasn't a Neanderthal anymore. And she went to bed feeling a lot better. I told her that we can do a lot of things, get her around the other people in her life. I reminded her that the world is a big place, to take chances, to meet other people to just have fun with. I think it worked.

I needed a friend, and she was around tonight, and that's a good thing. Good sense is always better than nonsense. I'm blessed in that regard, because I have plenty of good friends who are ready to penetrate my thick skull. I'm lucky because there always seems to be a never-ending supply of their love to keep me going in the right direction.

It was a long night, for sure. But it ended a lot better than it began, and I think that's a good thing. A father's love for his children is an unstoppable force, but that doesn't mean it can't be channeled in a positive direction. I love all my friends, because they always seem to know what's right for me.

I think my daughter would love them all too.

Goodnight now.

Wow

I sometimes wonder if these maniacal reactions we see from people, when they're faced with disappointment, really are an indication of some sort of mental disability, or just another sign that we're doing a really lousy job raising our offspring.

When people aren't equipped to handle situations, they either fight or flee. Maybe we can add "totally freak out" to the occasion. There have been a slew of movies like "Fatal Attraction" the past few years, but they don't have the same appeal or attraction because a lot of us know people like that. Still scary, just not so unusual.

They had a series of raffle drawings for the kids the other night at my church. Just pulling tickets for a bunch of toys, etc, no big. But when they finished and announced the last prize, I saw three different examples of just what I'm talking about. There was one boy, big enough to know better, who absolutely threw a fit because he hadn't won anything. He began flinging the folding chairs as he stormed out of the gym. Another girl, also big enough to know better, began to scream and cry that she "wanted something", refused to leave or quiet down, and essentially had to be dragged out by he mother. The last one was another boy who was a little young, so I'm going to pass on that one. Future psycho will suffice.

Life disappoints sometimes. We don't always get first prize. It might be a good idea to stop the BS of the last 20 years and start informing our little charmers that no, not everyone wins every times. It sounds like common-sense thinking, but I'm starting to believe common sense isn't so common anymore.

The "better" we get as people, the worse off we seem to be. Unrealistic expectations only increase the bad feelings that come about when disappointment hits. Soft-soaping, sugar-coating, rationalizing, it all sucks in my opinion, because the first time these charmers get hit, they're down for the count, and it's up to the rest of us to pick up the slack.

That's ungood, to say the least, huh?

Shakedown

Unfortunately, one of the by-products of a change in the home environment seems to be a disruptions in routines. With the addition of Pop to the household, things got a little out of sorts.

Kids are affected by changes in routine, and there are usually two schools of thought when kids misbehave. One is that there is a cry for attention, and the other is that kids are typically going to take the path of least resistance and are clever enough to know when they can take advantage of a situation.

We're in a little slump with the schoolwork, it seems. My 12 year old son was awarded a detention for missing homework. I discovered that the detention isn't punishment for missing one homework, but for failing to hand in five. My 8 year old daughter decided that the class project wasn't something she felt like doing.

So last night, the Shakedown went into effect. Kids were seated comfortably at the dining-room table with Daddy's full attention. Assignment pads were checked off against work completed, and Playtime was eliminated in order to use the time to make up missed work.

As I said, the routine was disrupted a little with the addition of Pop to the household, but it could hardly be classified as a traumatic event, trust me. We slipped up on parental supervision and discipline, they slipped up on doing what they are supposed to. Like I said, path of least resistance. It's in the process of being fixed. We're not quite ready for Dr. Phil.

I like a household where the adults are in charge.

So, If You Thought Paris was Bad...

I don't usually like absolutes. I typically try to avoid saying something is the best, or the cheapest or whatever because it's opinion and you might think otherwise.

However, today, I can absolutely say that I have seen the worst child in the country. And after you watch this...IF you watch this...I think you will be hard-pressed to convince me otherwise. Enjoy.

Note: I take no responsibility for broken computer monitor screens resulting from fists flying through them, nor any resulting damages from computers being thrown out windows.

Quiet Riot

A few years ago, I witnessed a riot. I mean a real-life, full-blown donnybrook in the streets, complete with riot police in full riot gear. It was one of the scariest things I have ever seen.

Yesterday, I attended a kiddie birthday party at a combination miniature golf/arcade place.

The only difference yesterday was the absence of the riot police.

Now look, I was a crazy kid with crazy friends, and I'm not a completely clueless old fart. I love kids having fun, and I don't expect them to behave like robots. I've been known to rile up a group of little people now and then, myself.

But what the heck? Is every situation involving more than one kid expected now to just spiral out of control? Is "fun" now synonymous with "complete mayhem?" Three kids sustained some pretty considerable injuries yesterday, including a 4 year old who ran headlong into a door and was knocked silly.

I also don't consider myself anywhere near a perfect parent, but how do you just stand idly by and allow these kids to wreak havoc completely unchecked? I mean I know we're supposed to allow our kids to "express themselves", have fun and all. But even if you're so clueless as to not care about the personal property of others, don't you even care about your own kid's safety?

There were 2 pounds of popcorn completely scattered everywhere, 200 gallons of soda spilled everywhere, chairs overturned. When the kids sang "Happy Birthday" the ones closest to the cake finished up by shoving their hands completely into the cake. One kid took to the mini-golf course and proceeded to whack the balls (his father kept getting him new ones) everywhere, including over the fence. And Dad laughed.

Maybe because I have a little girl, my protective instincts were in overdrive, but seriously...what the heck is going on?