News

Well, life is slowly but surely starting to turn around. It got real dark around these parts, but the sun is coming up and I'm starting my comeback.

I was offered two positions, and for a short while, accepted both of them. Unfortunately, scheduling conflicts led me to resign from one so that I can pursue a career with the other. I seem to have landed with a good company. I'm in a brand new field, completely unrelated to Finance in any way. I'm looking to sever any and all ties with Wall Street, which is no longer a bastion of honor, pride and decency. The industry has become quite ugly and I really want to wash it from my life.

While the struggles continue, they don't seem so insurmountable. I got a lot of consideration and assistance from some very understanding companies, American Water, NJ Natural Gas and Verizon for example. They've been very patient with my situation and worked well with us.

We applied for NJ Family Care for temporary medical insurance, and while the application process was one of the biggest runarounds I have ever, ever been involved with, persistence eventually paid off and I was able to secure health insurance to protect my children. We also applied for Food Stamps, but that process was one of the worst experiences of my life. At one point, "jurisdiction" over my case was transferred from one location to another, and they simply lost my paperwork. Months went by with no help from them, but now we don't need them anyway. I wish the Governor Christie's office was aware of what a sham that program is. People down on their luck certainly don't need to be subjected to that sort of torture, bureaucracy at its finest.

So for a few months, it was a lot of ups and downs, but a lot of businesses did their best to help us out and help us through. You just have to get past the phone jockeys at these places and get through to someone with a brain. I was able to do that with quite a few companies.

On the other hand, some companies showed no compassion whatsoever.

Cablevision proved itself to be a very ugly, cold and money hungry corporation (as if there were ever any doubt?) They offered zero negotiation room. They allowed no discussion, no compromise, they were cold-blooded and simply shut us down. But we can live without their TV services. Their internet service will not be missed, since it didn't work a majority of the time, anyway. And their internet phone service was something we never used at all because it too was unreliable. We're going to get good service from Verizon, a good and decent group of people and allow Cablevision to suck blood from somewhere else. I can't say they disappointed me because I never expected them to be decent.

Which brings me to two debt collection companies (which laughingly call themselves "Attorneys at Law"). Two of these have done nothing to improve the slimy image of lawyers in this country. Saldutti, Esq (haha, that's a laugh) and Pressler & Pressler LLC harassed and annoyed my family 7 days a week (including holidays) with phone calls and an endless supply of letters. These parasites were not to be dealt with. They wanted their money and that was it.

I figure the only way to beat down a slimy lawyer is to find a better lawyer, and we have done that. Hopefully, the bankruptcy will leave these vermin with exactly what I'd wish for them: zero. My lawyer kind of helped restore my faith that not all lawyers are ambulance-chasing bugs who feed off the misery of others.

So, it all begins again. I'm setting a goal for myself. With my new company, there seems to be a lot of room for advancement. The first attainable promotion for me would be an assistant manager position, and that is in my sights. I will get it done. I will become successful again. I will be able to put the vermin like Saldutti and the "law" firm of Pressler & Pressler, and the bloodsuckers like Cablevision far behind me. My lawyer will take care of the parasites, and Verizon FIOS will happily replace my former cable provider. (Verizon, by the way, offers excellent DSL service that's half the price and twice the quality of Cablevision's products, so it's a win-win).

We're still hoping to work things out with our bank regarding the mortgage. I'm desperately hoping to keep my home and keep my kids and I together here. US Bank has been very patient with us, so I don't really blame them if they go ahead and foreclose, but I'm hoping with my new start to turn that situation around too. Keep your fingers crossed?

Thanks for reading!

Life on the Firing Line

When the money troubles start, there is no peace. No quiet time, no "day off" from the difficulties. When you start being contacted by debt-collectors, it never stops. The phone rings from 8 AM to 9 PM. Every day. No Sunday's or holidays taken by these things. They call and call. And they send mail. Tons of mail.

There is a big difference between refusing to pay and not being able to pay. The biggest portion of my debt came from medical emergencies. Each one of my family of five had one in the past 2 years. I was basically under the assumption that my medical insurance from Horizon Blue Cross was going to cover the expenses. I was paying them, first $1250 a month through Cobra, and then $900 a month for my private insurance. I had a lapse of literally a few days in the transition from Cobra to private. That meant that they got out of paying any claims by claiming the "Pre-existing condition" clause. Now I did put in for all the proper pre-approvals, received them, and was told I was covered.

Until the bills came. Then I was not covered. That's about $100,000 I have to eat.

So the calls come. They call and they call. I found out there are debt-collectors who disguise themselves as lawyers. I try so hard to avoid generalizations. But lawyers really, really have shown themselves to be as slimy as people say they are. I'm hoping there really is a special place in Hell for this breed of human. They are relentless. The outside debt (aside from the medical bills) is about $15,000 but not in one lump. I had a couple of cards in amounts such as $2500. These are the type of accounts that are being handled by the so-called "law firms" which are really nothing more than bargain-basement debt collectors. Shylocks. Loan sharks.

Dirt.

The phone rings from 8 AM to 9 PM and I try to explain the difference between refusing to pay, and being unable to pay.

They don't care. I guess I don't blame them, since it's not their problem. It's just a little frustrating getting a phone call from someone who is barely able to put a complete sentence together in English, and having them demand money. People who barely have an 8th grade education level are calling and harassing my family. These "law" firms really have to scrape the bottom of the barrel to hire folks because decent people wouldn't touch these jobs.

They send mail. They call. You don't get a single day without contact from these parasites. These are not reputable lawyers defending the rights of a client. These are leeches who buy the debt from banks etc. and look to turn a profit by collecting them. That's the worst part. Someone who makes money off of others' misfortunes really deserve their own little cubby in Dante's Inferno.

Well, I think I've made my point. The phone is ringing. I'll tell you about my defense weapons in the next entry

Cold Hard Facts

So the darker side of life is this: medical situations involving each one of my kids and me have been out of control. Being that I was no longer able to afford my own insurance ($1250 a month, then $890 a month) and made just enough to not qualify for Medicaid, I ran up about $250,000 in bills.

Long story short, I've retained a lawyer to file for a Chapter 13 bankruptcy. And I'm battling to keep my home out of foreclosure.

It keeps me awake at night, to say the least.

Some Upsides

I guess it's human nature to try and see the lighter side of things, no matter how lousy the situation. I've had a lot of time to spare, unfortunately, but I've done a lot to make good of the time.

I've had so much time to be with my kids. They're 17, 16 and 12 now. My oldest daughter, is set to graduate high school and head off to college. Unbelievable. My son is 16 and as big as I am, and my 12 year old girl is still the light of my life. I'm lucky where kids are concerned. They're not perfect, they get into trouble, but they are good-hearted and kind, even when they're grouchy.

I've become quite the chef. And I say that because my kids are especially picky eaters. My meals bat about 750, judging by the amount of leftovers I put away. I ask them to be honest and tell me what they like or don't like, and the "don't likes" don't appear on the menu in the future.

I make every effort to put dinner on the table every night I can, and to sit and make it a social thing. We talk, fool around, discuss each one's day, you know how it is.

The main thing is, we can and do talk. Times have been tough, but we're still us. My three kids and me.

The Prodigal Stupid

Life has certainly taken some insane turns since I last wrote. I wish I could report that things are great but they aren't.

This isn't going to be about whining, complaining and the like. It's really just something I want to do. I intend to make a major comeback with my life. I'm about as low as I can go right now, so it's got to be time for some upward movement.

I'm out of work. Not technically unemployed, see, as I am in business for myself. There's just no business to be had right now. I'm really hoping that this is a temporary "right now", because I have to believe that hard work will eventually pay off.

But in the meantime, I thought I'd use this as a record of the life I'm leading right now, and that I'll be able to look back on this once I've gotten things back on track.

So I have to say, it's nice to be "back", even under these circumstances.

Hello Hello!

I find with Blogging, I have learned that it's always better to be to the point. So here it is.

My life has been an utter disaster. I'm considering changing my name to "Job" (as in the Biblical character, that is) But thanks to Kristen and Christine's guidance, I have learned a lot. And I'm keeping the faith. (Love to you both, Ladies, and thank you. Know that what you've said to me over the years really mattered.)

The recovery has begun. Apparently, I have 9 lives, and I'm down to 6. I have begun a new career, and it's really starting at the bottom. But I was a virtual flunky in my old career when I started, and I did well, so I'm hoping that I can do it again. A priest I'm friendly with told me that, in fact, while it's not ok to ask God for riches and wealth, it is quite acceptable to ask Him for help in the quest to provide for my family.

And so it begins.

A few years back, I found a lot of Blogging fodder among the people I commuted with on the Ferry. My new career calls for a 15-minute commute in my car, so that won't work. But I'm working in a retail establishment on a grand scale, and I think I may be on to something new. The cast and crew of this new place might be providing some new material, and I'm wondering if maybe I should run with it? Since "The Office" is a well-established TV show, I'm thinking I'll call my series, "The Shop".

Would love to hear what you think!

BACK!

In an effort to get some of my silly humor back into my life, I've revived an old (way old) Blog that I first started with back in the early 2000's

Simple, silly stuff. Please join me?
Beautiful Thing of the Day

Back in the day, I was known for reading utterly idiotic news items and saying, "Oh that's a beautiful thing" in my inimitable New York accent. We kept piles of clippings over the years, and I'd post 'em online. We're back!

Words To Live by

Something I thought I had definitely learned was that the Internet is very efficient at exposing the mistakes of others to us. I always knew that you can't unsee something and as well you can't unsay words once you've said them. And you can't unwrite something once the person you've hurt has seen it.

As long as I have been blogging, I've always been mindful about the possibilities of hurting people with my words. I always tried to avoid writing when I was frustrated with friends, family, colleagues, etc. I'd done a good job monitoring myself until recently.

I've been in business for myself approximately two years now. My results have been less-than-stellar, mostly because of my own shortcomings. To say there have been failures and frustrations along the way would be more than an understatement. I've sought out experts from every walk of life, both in the fields I'm in as well as so-called social media "experts. One I grew to admire suggested that every self-employed business person keep a diary of day-to-day activities, in order to have a record with which to hold oneself accountable. Seeing as how nearly every aspect of my life is either web-based, data-based and computer based, it seemed a perfect fit to create my diary online.

And as I considered myself an "expert" when it came to these forms of communication, I thought I would have firm control over the privacy of those thoughts. I would vent my frustrations, list my mistakes, all with the purpose of learning from them, and make myself not only a better businessman, I'd emerge a better person as well.

(See introductory paragraph)Well I wasn't as smart as I thought.

I hurt a friend with my words in my private diary. This shouldn't have happened because 1. I should have double-checked my privacy settings and 2. I should have never said the words in the first place. If you don't want something heard, don't ever say it, right?

Well, I have learned my lesson, but at the expense of someone else's feelings. It's too late to take the words back, but I hope it's never too late to apologize for hurting another.

From this day on, this blog will be used solely for the purpose it was intended. To make silly fun of things as I see them, and never be hurtful in the process. While this is, and will be treated as a private matter between the person I hurt and me, I speak openly about the subject because I want to remind you that the internet holds no secrets, and if you don't want to hurt someone, don't say or write the words that can do it to them.

I will be revamping this blog from the top down and bring it back to being somewhere fun to read. That will be happening as soon as I make my apology to that person, and hopefully it is something that will fade in time.

I hope you will read one more drab entry beyond this one, and then join me when I relaunch the Blog.

And to my friend, I apologize here, first. A phone call will follow.

I'm sorry.

Coming Clean: September 2007

Pop came to the house, and I moved some of my stuff in too. This wasn't going to be easy, but I felt it to be a necessary choice.

Part of the problem was that Pop was affiliated with the Veterans Administration for his medical care. He was a combat-disabled veteran of the Korean War, so his medical care was essentially free of cost to him. While he lived on Long Island, his care was administered through the Northport facility, and a Dr. Mohammed Zarrabi. The care afforded him there was top-notch, but the facility was far from us.

We arranged for a transfer of his care to a more local place, the VA Hospital in East Orange, NJ. I'm sad to say that this hospital left much to be desired. The staff was eons away from Northport's level of humanity. It was more like a Motor Vehicle Bureau; the staff was expertly trained in the techniques of ignoring people. After one consultation, I was certain that I could not subject Pop to this sort of treatment. He and I made a mutual agreement to continue his care at Northport. It would mean a lot of driving, appointments were at the least, weekly. Sometimes more. Emergencies would mean that I'd have to stay on Long Island while he was admitted. But it was all much better than what might have taken place at East Orange.

In the meantime, I'd begun my job search in earnest. I registered at such sites as Monster.com and TheLadders.com. I thought my credentials meant that it would simply be a matter of time before I was gainfully employed.

Coming Clean: Summer 2007, Pop, etc.

After I passed the Series 14 Exam, I took a couple of days off. During that time, I discovered how sick my Father in Law, Pop, was. He was to come to live at the home of my Ex and the kids. He'd been living on his house boat, but that adventure needed to come to an end. He wasn't managing his medicines properly, and the boat was not the safest, healthiest place to be. He asked if I would take up residence at the Ex's home to help with his care. I agreed. He would need some extensive care at home, and I was figuring that the timing was sort of "fate" at work. I could do this and take a lot of the burden off of his immediate family since I was on severance and was looking for work. I was having thoughts of "karma" too. Maybe providence would look kindly on me for this.

He came to our home in September. The doctors had given him maybe 2 months.

During this time, I met with the disability insurance people to discuss possible claim options. I absolutely did not want to go this route. My thinking was, if I could work, I should work. After I signed off on declining this option, I had a few occasions where I thought it might have been a bad choice.

Coming Clean, Step By Step, Summer 2007

So the first thing I set out to do was to get another certification to my name. The examination was called the NYSE Series 14 Exam, which qualifies someone to be a Compliance Officer at a Securities firm. It's not an exam many people take, so there aren't a lot of study materials available.

I spent a good month preparing for this exam. I figured it would be a good way to segue into another area of the industry. I was what they call a "Floor Official" at the Exchange, which charges you with responsibility for trade compliance through consultation with Specialist firms and brokers from other Brokerage firms. I had hoped to make a transition to Compliance in-house at Merrill, but time ran out, obviously.

Well this was another instance of mistaken suppositions. I passed the exam on the first try, and thought that I'd be good to go. I was wrong. The first obstacle I hit was the one that vexes nearly every person who is seeking employment: The Experience Catch-22. No one is hiring anyone without three to five years' experience; can't get the experience if you don't have the job. Round and round.

I had my severance pay, but I know that was finite. I had three years' salary saved in addition to that. I thought I had prepared well.

Wrong again.

Coming Clean, Going Home, May 2007

Well I went home feeling pretty crushed. That ride on the Ferry was the first time I think I'd ever ridden without keeping an eye out for an opportunity for humor. I was looking through the pictures on my phone, and I realized I started worrying about layoffs quite some time ago. I remembered that I kept telling myself to take pictures in and around the Exchange, seeing places, things and people in an environment that I might well never see again. I remember then snapping photos on the walk from the Exchange to the Ferry, on the ferry, and going home. I wanted to remember exactly how I felt that day, at each moment.

I left that meeting with my severance package. I left that day with some minor agreements worked out. I left a piece of my soul in that building, but I left with dignity intact. I knew that this was a situation that was inevitable.

A number of people thought that I should consider litigation. I was a handicapped person who was cut loose from a cold corporation at a time when I needed it most. Others suggested filing for permanent disability payments. But I figured I'd get back on my feet soon enough and as long as I was physically able to work, then I should be working. I believed things would work out and this episode would just be a chapter in my life story. I had no idea it would become such a major part of the plot.

I went home and, remarkably, slept.

Insomnia

I'm lying here at 4 AM. I'm angry with God right now. Not for the obvious reasons, though.

My youngest girl is 11 years old. She's one of the lights of my life. She's incredibly sensitive and loving, and wise beyond her years, which isn't always good.

She played a carnival game the other night. She used her entire $10 allowance to win a goldfish. A silly goldfish. Didn't even come with a fishbowl. Just a fish in a bag.

Well she loved it. She got very excited at the prospect of being a pet owner. That's how 11 year old girls think sometimes. Those of you who might raise large tropical fish know these goldfish are often used as food for those fish. For my girl, it was a chance to love.

I took her first thing next morning to Petco to get a bowl. She was so into it. Got gravel too. Neon-colored gravel for a 1 gallon bowl.

Then she spotted it: A copper-colored goldfish swimming in a tank alone. She spent the next 10 minutes or so bonding with this silly creature. I couldn't resist.

There was a time when Daddy would have gone hog wild and would wind up purchasing an entire aquarium set-up. It would have been typically over-the-top. But the world has changed to the point where I have to consider a $3.99 purchase of a silly fish. the love in her eyes for this creature made up my mind for me. Done deal.

She took such pride setting up her little bowl. Washed the gravel, laid it in there carefully. She added the water gently, added water conditioner. Her eyes were glowing. She named her two fish Fido and Maurice. Fido was the new guy. She insisted that his name was pronounced "Feedo". Hey, her fish, her name, right?

She spent the entire afternoon and evening doting over her new loves. She ever so carefully fed her little critters, being mindful not to overdo it. This was pure love.

Today however, the world was mean to my girl. Little Fido didn't survive the night. I've taken full punches to the face and a bat to the head. I've broken a lot of bones in my body in my life. Nothing hurt me anywhere near the kind of pain I felt at the moment I realized my Girl was crying over her lost Fido.

It's the worst pain a Dad can experience. The pain you can't fix, or make all better. The fish is gone. Can't change that.

Didn't even get a full day out of it.

I know the world has a lot more serious troubles to worry about. But when you're the Dad and your Girl is hurting, it doesn't matter.

Yeah I'm a little annoyed at God right now.

Coming Clean, May 2007

On May 24, 2007 my world changed. It was not an entirely unexpected change, but it didn't knock the wind out of me any less. I guess no matter what the situation, we always believe we'll have more time.

My 29-year-11-months career at Merrill Lynch came to an end. I'd been an employee since 1978, went from High School Intern to AVP, then VP, then Director through that time. I was an active Member of the NY Stock Exchange, on behalf of Merrill on the Floor of the Exchange. I went through the 1987 Crash, the Internet Bubble Burst, the 9/11 Attack and the Sub-prime lending disaster. Somehow I'd always managed to get through. But automation had come to the Exchange. The Specialist scandal, which saw some people face criminal charges, the front-running fiasco which saw some brokers sent to jail, all brought about a call for change. One of the ironies for me is that I helped design the very system which essentially put me out of business.

But in late 2006, early 2007 I sort of sealed my fate for another reason. I needed three leg surgeries and a back surgery. (2 surgeries on right leg, 1 on left). A number of fellas, over the years, had to use disability time for injuries, surgeries and the like. Somehow, they were all let go shortly upon their return to work at Merrill Lynch. I remember at one point, Merrill did a purge of the upstairs trading desk, and coincidentally, all the women who were let go at the time were pregnant. But anyone who had used their disability insurance were shown the gate. Coincidence as well?

They sent a guy around the Exchange to tap guys on the shoulder one at a time. Each guy then walked to an upstairs office off the Exchange Floor, where they got their walking papers. The only thing that bugged me, truly, about this process, is that the guy they sent around to do the taps was one of the worst weasels I'd ever met. A guy who sold his soul to Merrill and who did anything it took to keep his job. There were other guys who could have been elected to be the Tapper. But, no matter.

I got my tap around 11 AM. It was funny because I was wearing leg braces and walking with crutches as I walked into the office. The HR person didn't look too comfortable with that. We got down to business. I asked them to skip the insincere expressions of regret and cut to the chase. I was given a deal that was somewhat generous, considering my time of service. They offered me 54 weeks salary.

I did a final lap around the Exchange Floor to say my goodbyes. Took a couple of photos for posterity and then went home. Very strange feeling, to say the least.

Question of the Day

Here's something I'm curious about today.

There are times we need to address strangers, or get their attention politely without screaming, "Yo!". I've heard a million different ways of doing it:

• "Excuse me, Sweetie"
• "Pardon me, Lady"
• "Yes Ma'am"
• "Thank you, sir

No one seems to have a problem with "sir". (Occasionally someone might say, "Sir is my Dad..." but whatever). Everyone has a problem with "Sweetie". But when my parents put me in the spaceship and sent me here, they gave me a lot of instructions, leaving out the one that tells me how to address an unfamiliar woman without issue. "Yes, Ma'am" gets issues.

So, my question is, if "Ma'am" doesn't work, "Sweetie" would get me slapped, and "Baby" - well that's just suicidal- Ladies, how would you prefer to be addressed?