Saturday, August 15, 2009

Amend

I've really been trying so hard to change my life around. A year ago, it wasn't good at all, and today it's better, but not quite the way I want it to be. Too many reasons to not be doing what I want to do, you know what I mean?

so much time has been spent on the whole "self-improvement" theme. I have taken a good hard look once, then twice. The deeper I look, the less I like what I see. I had myself somewhat fooled into believing I was a lot better than I am.

This isn't some self-esteem issue. I am being realistic. I did a lot of things the last couple of years that just don't leave me feeling happy about myself.

So, excluding criminal behavior, which I am not guilty of, is there anything that is truly unforgivable? This doesn't pertain to the romantic domain because that hasn't been a busy enough area of my life to give me the chance to have been hurtful to anyone. I'm talking about life's little quarrels and big hurts. This also doesn't mean that it's only things that I've done to others; it includes things that I took offense at.

See I kidded myself. I figured if I just moved along and excluded someone completely from my life, then I wasn't "holding a grudge. No one wants to think they do that, do they?

But how do you change things? How do you approach people you've parted ways from, especially after a considerable length of time? Do you bring up the past? Do you do something as simple as just saying "hello" and watching where it takes you?

I'd sure like some advice. I want to make amends with some people and don't know how.

9 comments:

  1. You think about how you feel, and why you feel that way..which may be QUITE DIFFERENT from the way you felt back when you were actually holding the grudge(or pretending not to) and THEN BE HONEST WITH THE PERSON. I've had this happen with me(meaning directed at me) and I was insulted when the person just decided to STOP holding the grudge, without ever discussing it with me. He just started talking to me again and acting as if nothing happened, when 3 other people had already said to me: _____ is angry because he was going thru a rough time and didn't feel you were there for him.
    Well, I didn't know he felt that way since he NEVER returned a phone call during that rough time. Hard to "be there" for someone who doesn't answer the phone or respond to you.

    Talk to the person if the person is someone who matters to you. Pretending the past didn't happen doesn't usually help the future. ~Mary

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  2. I agree with Mary. You never know the person in question might be asking the same questions you are. Life is too short to let the little things get in the way. If you don't feel comfortable talking about what made you part ways. Just a simple, "Hi! I was thinking about you." would do. Give it a little time and comfort in each others company before bringing up the sore topic. (Hugs)Indigo

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  3. I would approach it straight up, "Hi, I have been thinking about you, and even after _____, I find I miss your friendship. Can we talk?"

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  4. I'm with the three musketeers above. [grin] At first you just might want to approach with the "can we talk" thing, but eventually you'll have to talk about what went awry. Like Mary, I don't care much for the approach of ignoring whatever happened, picking up like nothing ever did. That's ignoring the elephant in the room, and even if it's a brief mention (no point in beating a dead horse), best to get it out in the open so you can try to move on. Good luck!

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  5. You've received some very thoughtful comments here, and I hope you'll consider opening the door a crack and allowing this person to know you've been thinking of them. While the past may have been difficult for both you, it's okay to simply say 'hey, i'm sorry things got so messed up between us... our friendship is important to me. Is there any way we could meet for coffee and catch up a bit?' No one has to accept blame necessarily... Maybe suggest agreeing to disagree, for now, and perhaps something newer and greater will come from starting over and a better sense of understanding will make communicating about what went wrong a little easier. Best of luck! ;o)

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  6. Just be open and honest. You can always feel good knowing that you tried to reconcile differences, and if the person can't get past whatever it was, then perhaps that's his/her problem. No one's perfect; we all make mistakes. Part of this life is learning and growing, and we really can't do that without making some errors along the way. If I had a riff with someone, but they later approached me with some sort of "hey, I want to work this out and bury the hatchet", I'd be appreciative.....and acknowledge that this individual is really trying to patch things up. It's hard to be mad at someone who is honest, thoughtful, and sincere.

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  7. I'm a very straight-forward person. When I've contacted people from my past...perhaps ones who's relationships with me didn't end well...I just say "Hi! Been thinking about you lately. Want to talk?"

    That kind of deal.

    XOXO

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  8. I think it's all kind of been said here. Good advice up above. I think candor takes the awkwardness out of any situation.

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  9. I think just a hello and reaching out will probably be accepted well. If things end badly between two people, the other person is probably thinking the same things you are and will welcome the hello. I agree with everyone above. Go for it!

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