Saturday, February 24, 2007

Out of the Depths...

Well, I managed to stay alive. I'm home, recuperating since last Friday. Surgery didn't go as planned, but that's for another time.

I've watched a lot of TV, while I convalesced, naturally. I've always thought that a culture's entertainment said a lot about that culture. And it's been pretty eye-opening.

What I've learned: I may be missing the boat.

Why?

I'm not deep.

At least not by the standards by which "deep" seems to be defined these days. I'm missing way too many opportunities, it appears.

I don't have "issues". I've looked everywhere, and I can't find them.

So I need to go get me some "issues"! Let's see...

One of my biggest flaws is "forgiveness". I'm one of those people who is very slow to anger. You can push and push, but once I get shoved across the line, I shut down and find it near impossible to cross back over. Considering, however, that I was forgiven by the best person I have ever known for something I did to her, I always thought my "flaw" just meant I was a hypocritical jerk. But I see an opportunity here to work on this and turn it into something I could blame on my parents! My "forgiveness" issue!

And how about this: I say what I mean. For example, I like blueberry pie. Very much. When I say that, I'm not saying that I hate apple pie, or that anyone who doesn't like blueberry pie is an idiot. But from now on, I should make it appear that there is a cryptic message hidden in every sentence I utter. My "hidden meanings" issue!

Or what could we do with this? A few of the women I'm friends with like a foot massage. I've always liked well-cared for feet, because it's a sign of good grooming, and I've studied massage therapy, so I thought it was a good fit! But, we can go all Freudian with this one...call it my "foot fetish" issue!

And in the past, if someone left the milk out, I'd say, "don't leave the milk out, ok?" I didn't brood about it for weeks, abusing everyone around me while I sorted it out. Hey, the milk would be spoiled by then, right? But this is a good time for "anger management" issues! "The milk's out again...get me Oprah Winfrey on the hop!"

When I was little, kids would tease me and call me "Lippy". It made me so mad! (I have funny lips!) Now my best friends call me "Lippy" and it's a term of endearment! I like you better if you call me that! They also call me "Loser" cause I stink at "UNO", chess and other games, but I love the trash talk! They call me "Jerk" and "Stupid" when I'm smart assy with them. Those, up till now, were "terms of endearment", and I loved it. Guess this could be my "self-esteem" issue!

And now, I can't walk without crutches. I also have a nifty leg brace to help keep me off the ground. I figured, give me my handicapped parking sticker, a couple of "Run, Forrest, run!" jokes, and life would go on. But, not any more. I need to have the world make this up to me now, ok? We'll call it my "entitlement" issues!

I can go out and drink, say foul things, behave horribly, and then check into rehab, instead of just admitting I'm an idiot! Britney and I could become BFF's!

Ahh yes. I can see it all fitting nicely. A couple of months down the line, you'll watch me on Dr. Phil. Yayyy!

But one thing though. I love when women wear boots. Uggs, Jimmy Choo's, Nine West, Manolo's, bring 'em on. I think it's so hot. We ain't touching that one, hear?

Good to be back. Issues and all!

17 comments:

  1. Glad your back, and that you haven't lost that sense of humor. Sorry the surgery didn't go so well; I hope everything works out.

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  2. Anonymous1:57 PM

    we need a bet because i want a pair of jimmys asap!

    haha i loved this lippy!

    Cass

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  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

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  4. I KNEW there was a reason I loved reading what you write. When it comes to making people smile, you're the best! SO sorry the surgery didn't go well. If I lived nearer, I'd stop by and do something nice for you. Since I don't..hope this hug helps a little. ((((JIMMY)))

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  5. Anonymous2:29 PM

    Once I was engaged to a man with a foot fetish. I thought I was in Heaven!! Sorry the surgery didn't go as planned. I've missed you, Jimmy!
    Pamela

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  6. "forgiveness" issue,"hidden meanings" issue,"foot fetish" issue,"anger management" issue,"self-esteem" issue,"entitlement" issues.....
    You seem normal to me...; )
    Marie

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  7. Anonymous4:45 PM

    I'm sorry the surgery didn't go as planned but I happen to think a man with a walking stick, funny lips and braces is HOT.

    Sharlene

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  8. Aw babe, I totally understand this entry. I am very slow to anger, but I almost always never forgive. It is so damn hard for me to do that. I know its wrong, but I just can't seem to help it!
    Love you!
    Connie

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  9. Oh, I'm so sorry about the surgery, You're still in fine form though. Skipping off to find my favorite English riding boots.

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  10. I really like it here...

    I'll just go on calling you "sweetie", kay? Hope all is well ~ take care of you.

    Michelle

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  11. OK Lippy, so you have issues along with the rest of us! I think the 'boot' issue gets put back with the foot fetish issue! I don't fall out easily with people so when I do it's serious and I don't forgive easily either. That's God's job! Sorry your surgery didn't go too well for you, I hope they can fix you soon.

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  12. Anonymous7:49 PM

    Damn, it took all that time working on all those "issues", and now I'm out of fashion. What should I drag up first? Anger? My father? My mother? My children? Oh, I know. I hate boots. When I wear them, I have these nightmares about spending winter in Chicago. Dr. Phil would have had a field day with me, too.
    I'm counting on you being back on your feet soon. That is without the brace or the crutches. Good luck and take care.
    Jude
    http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

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  13. Anne/ksquester8:09 PM

    So you have "funny" lips, explain please. I LOVE lips as much as you love feet. p.s. I have a pr. of size 6 just waiting! If men would only learn to give good "foot" they would have much better lives. Love ya like I love my glass slippers. Anne

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  14. Ditto on the surgery not going well.

    It's good to see you working on those issues! Well adjusted people are so...normal. Look around. Clearly we need more emotional freaks in this world. ;)

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  15. Did you get my comment? (not this one) Something is amiss I think.

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  16. You have got to back to my blog I did a sexy black boot B&W for my SPC club. Bummer. LOL

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  17. Anonymous11:13 AM

    you would have laughed the other day miss o was walking around the living room here at my moms swinging her PURPLE snow BOOTS all over the place...i think she will have a boot fetish too lol
    ly
    em

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