Sunday, March 15, 2009

Nothing is the New No?

Is it just me or have manners gone completely the way of the wind...all gone. Is there no decorum anymore at all? I'm not talking about occasional bouts of rudeness, I'm talking about an entire segment of our population going without any kind of social mores at all anymore.

If my Grandmother asked me if I wanted any steak & kidney pie when I was a kid, I simply said, "No, thank you." I didn't go and hide and hope she would go away. If someone called to ask me a question, I answered the phone and answered the question. I assume it was the same way for most of you, too.

We've scheduled a number of interviews lately. We made the appointments on the phone, and confirmed the times and *poof*, they simply don't show up. No call, no contact. Any attempt to follow up is met with complete silence. Is it cowardice, maybe? Are we becoming a culture of spineless jellyfish? For all the bravado about how "we" don't take crap from anyone, "we" are not afraid of anything, I see a lot of gutless behavior these days.

A friend was having a charity dinner. She sent out invitations to a pretty large group of people, with the usual RSVP request. 80% of the people she invited simply said nothing. No response at all. What happened to simply saying, "Sorry, I can't make it,"?

I don't do anything important via email or text because people conveniently "don't get" those messages. I call or see the people face to face. But that also led me to learn that people lie. Why? No one is threatening them, coercing them.

But what happened to people to make them adopt this "I'll just hope everything goes away" posture? Where did integrity go?

Believe me, if someone asks me to do something I don't want to, or cannot do, I say so. I don't string people along, and I certainly don't just ignore their requests.

Have any of you seen this behavior?


  1. Oh yes. I have.
    In fact, it mostly seems to be the 'norm' these days.

  2. Oh this goes right along with people not calling before hand and just showing up. The expectation is whatever your doing isn't as important as they are, you'll drop it and cater to them.

    I think it's a more selfish me generation than ever before. Paul is a guitar teacher. He depends on those lesson payments to help make a living. He's always been easy to work with. If it's an emergency, work whatever just let me know before hand. Otherwise he's going to charge you. It's common courtesy to call and say I'm not going to make my lesson instead of just standing someone up.

    With todays technology it should be easier to be considerate, you have cell phones, computers and a number of other gadgets to contact someone. Thanks for this post! (Hugs)Indigo

  3. Certainly at work, we say do not rely on e-mail, it is not a formal means of communication, use phone (face to face). At home it has gotten to the point that we use the caller ID to try and avoid cold call quasi-charity calls (organzations paid to solicit for a charity).

    Sounds like this lack of common social courtesy is making your work difficult.

  4. Oh, I think that attitude is becoming pervasive and taking over completely. I find the lack of response to an RSVP especially rude. For formal--or even informal--gatherings, you need a fairly accurate count if you're serving food.

    I'm so old school that I often send a thank you note to my family members after they've had a get-together. I just think it's a nice acknowledgement of all their hard work and kindness, don't you?

    I honestly don't understand the mentality that thinks it's perfectly okay to stand someone up, whether it's for a date or a business appointment. Some things are more casual--a group invite for drinks after work, for example, with a "hope you can make it"--but if you've specifically agreed to a date, place, and time with someone, you keep your appointment or call as soon as possible to cancel. Anything else is terribly rude.

    And yeah, I'll probably end up being the cranky old lady yelling at those kids to "get out of my yard!" Ha!


  5. Hi Jimmy,
    I just wrote something simular in my 'blog'...Having to work in the public, I see a lot of rudeness daily. It is not just rsvp's, it is also people not answering their phones, people not answering direct questions etc...Makes you want to slap some manners into them. :-)
    love ya,

  6. Yes I have both seen and experienced this behavior and it drives me CRAZY!! I am glad to see someone speaking out about it. What happened to basic manners? Great entry! I try to teach my children how things really need to be done... things like writing a thank you note for a gift for instance still matters.

  7. Hi Jimmy,
    I think people have become so overloaded -- so "spammed", so flooded with solicitations of all kinds -- that when a genuine invitation comes along, it's often lost in the mix. Plus, like you say, manners have gone the way of the Dodo Bird ...

  8. As a teacher, I've never been so stood up before in my life. I don't get it. I consider it rude and 'my time is more important than yours'.

    People suck.

  9. well, nowadays, i think everyone is out to get me. you see it all day everyday, someone is always trying to screw sad it is, it so gotta be rich get outta the house....

  10. It is beyond frustrating how ill mannered about a lot of things people have become. The RSVP things drives me crazy...I have been burned on more than one occasion on the last few years. I can't imagine having to plan a wedding or something when the headcount is pretty necessary!

  11. I completely agree with everything you said. I get it VERY OFTEN that people just do not show up or call. I do NOT get it. People with that personality I just cannot have in my life. Ya know?

  12. My mom and grandmother drilled politeness and responsiveness into my head. I taught my kids the same way. I try not to make appointments or comittments I cannot keep and am not afraid to say no. It's pretty simple to answer an RSVP and rude not to.

  13. I have seen that happen so many times. I completely understand and hate it. I remember when youd get invited some where and you always went. I understand people are busy but you have enough advanced notice you should go. Thats what friends are for right?

  14. Times are changing. We grew up with our parents and grandparents from "the olden days" and they tought us the right things to do and not to do. But now no one really cares to teach their kids anything.

    I havent been on in awhile and lost touch with people so thanks for still being on here! haha
    the link is


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