The Co-Op

Well, I'm going to go ahead and get started with my new series. There's one small change, though. Since "The Office" is a pretty famous show, and this blog is not, I'm going to title my series, "The Co-Op". I don't think my characters are anywhere as famous, but they are somewhat comical, and I'm going to try and share some of the idiocy with you.

I think the most appropriate way to begin a series like this is to do a cast introduction, don't you? So let's get that out of the way.

First up, one of our Stars. We'll call him "Family Guy" because, well, that's who he most physically resembles. It's kind of nice working with a cartoon character some days. I was going to call him "The Irritant" because he's like pepper spray, I'm telling you. I've seen Priests walk away swearing from this guy. He has a great habit of asking you how to do something, and then telling you how he thinks it should be done. He's the type of guy, you ask him what time it is, he tells you how to build a clock. They took away my guns, so Family Guy lives on. You'll see what I mean.

Slick. Be careful saying hello to Slick. He'll sell you something. He's an intelligent guy, well-versed in business, but has just gotten a little too carried away with Sales. Sees anyone and everyone as a prospect. Will try to sell you life insurance even after you've died. Talks about little else. I'm not sure he's alive after business hours. But man, he sells words to Mirriam Webster.

Then there's "Talk Show". Talk is a great guy, but he just talks way too much. And not ordinary talk-too-much, this can can actually make your ears bleed. There isn't a single subject on earth for which he hasn't formed a very long, drawn out Monologue. I dream about the horrors of a conversation with Talk Show. It's like that feeling you get in that brief moment between tripping and actually hitting the pavement. You know what I mean.

Say hello to "H". I call him that for a number of reasons, one of which is his extreme case of Halitosis. When breath is visible, it's not good. He's actually a nice guy who just doesn't know enough to turn off the "Happy". (another reason he's called "H" by the way) You're standing in a burning building with a T-Rex closing in on you, and this guy's talking about what a great day it is. No it's not. But the good thing about a burning building is, the smoke covers his breath a little.

Then we have our Supporting Cast. These guys don't figure into the daily routine as much, but they do add some spice to the show.

The Artful Dodger. This guy produces very little in the way of actual revenue. But man, no one, and I mean NO one sidesteps and double-talks like this guy. He is a human Book of Excuses, and I do believe could talk himself out of the way of a speeding bullet. He drops stories like some people drop litter. It flies, baby. I just love how fast he can cook up an excuse to do nothing. If this guy redirected his energy into actually being productive, he'd conquer the financial world in 4 hours flat.

Gramps is actually a nice old codger who has been in business since 1537. He was around when money was invented. Harmless enough except he runs a close second to Talk Show in the Loquacious Department. Any question you ask is met with a complete family history. He talks for a very long time about things; he goes on so long, sometimes, that he forgets what the actual conversation started out about. He knew Christopher Columbus personally, by the way.

Carly. As in Carly Fiorina. Carly is actually a smart Lady, just gets a little carried away, is all. She's always offering the better way to do things, tends to take everything over, and has even tried teaching me how to make my screw-ups into total disasters. Thinks everyone on earth should be a client, including opposums. Ever try to design a portfolio for a possum? Not fun. She did once, however, get a rock to open an IRA account.

Ricky Ricardo is a charming man. We like him a lot, we just haven't figured out what it is that he does. He speaks English occasionally, and sometimes even speaks to us. But he is a good guy. Part of the show will be to figure out his function.

And then there are the Spectres. No, not Phil. These are people who occasionally appear in the office. I think they work there, but I can't be sure. They'll get names as I see them long enough to figure them out.

I hope this is enough to get your interest. I really want to share some fun with you from the Co-Op. So stay tuned. You never know when they'll cancel us.