OK I'm Giving It Up

I'm coming forth with this information at great personal risk, but it's important to me because it illustrates a point that I've been trying to make for a long time.

A little background, really quick:
I've been on disability for 6 months due to a number of concurrent injuries. I say that because I have been waiting for a long time to use the word "concurrent" in an entry. It just makes me feel smart for the day.
Anyway, during that time, I enlisted the aid of my Platinum Cable package to help entertain me. 3129007787632 channels. Yayyy. I have watched every movie ever filmed. Then I resorted to network shows for 8 or 10 minutes. Daytime TV has got to be on the list of major causes of suicide in this country, but I'll get back to you on that.

So, in my search for some entertainment, I found a couple of sitcoms that I've grown to enjoy. And, yes, I found them on the Lifetime Channel. Yes. The Lifetime Channel.

Done?

Ok.

The shows are: "Still Standing" and "Reba". I'm sure they're all repeats, (I think "Reba" is still on the air somewhere else)

The reason I brought them up is that they both have stars who represent what I consider to be "beautiful women". With all the talk about "real beauty" that's been going on, I think three of these women fit that bill, and I won't get yelled at for liking them.

From Reba:

Joanna Garcia

She's 26, and from Tampa, FL originally. She has a beautiful face and smile, but she has a SHAPE! There are curves (and if you watch the show, you'll get a better idea than this one picture I found can show). She plays a new mother, and actually looks like her body might have given birth!
Ms Garcia probably wouldn't be flattered by this, but she looks like a woman, not a toothpick. Nice to see a face with some cheeks, too.

Also from Reba:

Reba McEntire

This is a pretty good representation of what I consider to be "real" pretty. She's got a beautiful smile, and once again, you can see her from all sides. I was always a big fan of her eyes. She looks like she could be beautiful in her blue jeans or an evening gown. Or sweats. Yayyy.

Then from the other show, "Still Standing", is another favorite of mine:

Jami Gertz

She's so great. She actually makes me laugh, too. Has some comedic talent worth noticing. But, at the risk of being repetitive, she's not likely to be hiding behind any drinking straws any time soon. She fills out her jeans nicely, and is occasionally seen in sweats.

So don't hate me because I think they're beautiful. Just watch the shows. See what I mean.

Now tell me who you like. See if you can rationalize as good as I can.

Mercy

A single father is at the mercy of a lot of people and a lot of businesses. Businesses are particularly merciless. And toy companies in particular particular.

Nasty rotten sons-a-you-know-whats.

They ship catalogues. Kids see catalogues. Kids pick things out of the catalogues. Daddy is very careful this year to make sure kids (under 10) get their letters to Santa done very early.

Kids put things from catalogues onto Santa Letters.

Sears Wishbook is specifically printed for Christmas shopping. Nothing more. They put it out to help daddies get the right presents for kiddos after daddies show Wishbook to kiddos to make their Wishlists up for Santa-Daddy.

Scum that runs Sears must have stocked only 1 of every item in Wishbook catalogue, because when Daddy in Question went to website, nice and early, they were out of stock on every single item that Daddy's 3 kids put on their wishlists.

It is November 28th. They are out of stock on nearly every item I looked up.

I hope that Sears goes into Chapter 7 Bankruptcy before Sears gets to print another Wishbook full of items that Sears advertises, but does not stock.

That's a horrible way to do business, particularly where single Daddies are concerned.

We love JC Penney.

JC Penney had every single item that Daddy was not able to find at Sears.com/toys. Daddy will never, ever, ever shop at Sears.com again.

They are mean.

They are grinches.

I really had to struggle with this entry. I learned that someone very respectable doesn't really care for foul language, and I tried really hard to keep this clean in the spirit of Christmas.

So Stupid will stick to not calling Sears and Co. all sorts of bad names.

But I still dislike them very much and I really look forward to them filing Chapter 7.

Not Merry Christmas to them.

4 Quarters = 1

Oh Lord...


Oh my LORD

Someone needs to take the NY Giants and teach them how to play

FOUR QUARTERS OF FOOTBALL PER GAME!

It looked like sandlot football out there today.

These are supposed to be PROFESSIONALS!

NoBay

So I'm kinda getting a kick out of all these Ebay auctions for Playstation 3 that are ending without ever getting a bid. Not sure why, I'm just likin' it a little.

The Life Of A Dog

Having spent some serious disability time the past 6 months, I got a good look at what it's like to be a dog.

The dog is loyal to a fault. To see a dog at work is to see 100% selflessness. This is a creature who wants to please, above all else. He lives for approval, thrives on the good feelings that come from doing the right thing. He puts everyone's needs above his own (with the exception of the occasional shoe to chew on).

A dog loves unconditionally. He greets you every time you walk through the door, whether you've been gone 5 minutes, 5 hours, or 5 days. You're the highlight of his world at the moment you enter. There is nothing more important than knowing you are pleased.

He asks little in return. A good meal, a little lovin' and some attention is all he needs to be happy (along with the chance to answer nature in the proper place, of course). He will lie at your feet quietly, until such time as you see fit to dish out a little love and affection, but will not demand either from you.

A dog knows his place, but is very happy to accept that place all the same. He knows how to love you, how to protect you. He wants nothing more for you to be happy, because when you are, he in turn is happy as well.

Maybe dogs aren't stupid at all.

I just wonder if it's too late to apply to be a dog.

Stand Out

I run into a little problem with a certain personality type. They're the ones who make a conscious decision to always be different, to not follow "the rules", to fly in the face of convention, but then sit and rage at the world for not allowing them to fit in.

You know the type, right? They live by such credos as "I don't need anyone to make me happy", "I don't change for anyone", "take me as I am". They pride themselves on "not taking shit from anyone", they list things like "bitch" on their personal resumes.

Then they sit back and rage at the world for not letting them fit in. Nobody wants them.

"Woe is me, nobody loves me"

Well, yeah, isn't that what you wanted?

Sorry, just had one of those exhausting conversations...

PSA (hey once in a while...)

If you're heading to the airport today to catch a flight for Thanksgiving, make your trip through security a little easier. Regarding the liquids you can carry on with your carry-on:

Remember 3-1-1
















You can read all the rules on the TSA website by clicking here

Hey, we do our part now and then, right?

A Little More...

These are some more things I got smacked for. Maybe you can get smacked too?

• Use your computer and printer to make up a really nice gift certificate to some made-up restaurant. Then give it to someone and see if they try to go.
• Or consider this: Bill and Mary really dislike Lou and Liz, and vice-versa. Send a Christmas card to Lou and Liz, and sign it from Bill and Mary. Then wait and see if Lou and Liz send one back. Do it on Christmas Eve to really freak everyone out. Cause if Lou and Liz do send one back, Bill and Mary will have to decide whether to send one back (because they never sent one to begin with...you did)

Miserable-itis

I take medicine when I need it.

I eat fruit and vegetables.

I don't self-diagnose illnesses. That's not only dangerous to me, it can hurt a lot of those around me if I'm wrong and spread something awful.

I'm still not amazed by things like cell-phone prices, salads or pop tunes. I figure when my brain gets to the point where it's that easily "amazed", I'll cash in that "get a life" coupon.

I think it's a great testimony to the US when you see people in various countries around the world lining up for days to get food to feed their families, and in this country you see people lining up for days to get a PlayStation 3.

D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y

Comment Commentary 2

I love when I hit the "message boards" or "forums" on the net. Typically, you'll have an article, and then the invitation to add commentary, opinion, etc. Usually, by the time you scan through to the last comment, the discussion has spiraled downward to the point that the "commentary" has absolutely nothing to do with the original article.

Typically, you'll see visits from the following characters:

• Beautifully Unaware- this person has posted something, and you'd swear they meant to comment somewhere else, because there is nothing remotely connected to the content of the article in their comment. They should leave their address so that others can mail them a clue.
• Zealot- these folks are the best. They will introduce religion into any discussion there is on the web. Scan through forums and boards...you're guaranteed to find at least once. One major characteristic of the Zealot is that they usually post the most hateful drivel, all under the guise of religion.
• 28 Time Loser- 28 years to get out of grammar school, and they still can't compose a complete, grammatically correct sentence. Reading their comments can actually be painful to anyone with an IQ above 9
• Sorry Idiot- this type you just can't help. They make the most inane comments in that they either didn't read the article at all, or they left their mind in the previous century. For example: I once read a story by a woman who described waking up in her apartment, realizing it was on fire, and barely escaping with her life. She noted that she had to flee into the night, clad only in her flannel pajamas. The SI left the following comment: "Ooh, I love flannel pajamas". 'Nuff said.
• Lifer- no, not "Right To Lifer", LIFER. I call them that because there are millions and millions of 'em out there. Go to any message board and scan the comments. You will find at least one instance of someone telling anyone who doesn't agree with his point of view to "get a life". They write it, sign off, and go eat Twinkies.

and of course, no discussion would be complete without mentioning The Pontificator.

• This person scans the responses of others, looking for even the most mundane error, so that they can jump all over someone else's mistake, and drone on and on, just because they happened to catch the right information on Entertainment Tonight. OK so you're an expert on Angelina Jolie's eating habits. Pin a medal on your ass and shaddap.

Oh and speaking of painful... I found this gem of a comment tonight. Read it and weep

man shit dis is bull shit u know kevin needs to try to work it out wit his baby mom. britney is a cool gurl u know kevin ani't shit of coures he made her happy for a good min but then he got into the fame and stop bein a farther to his kids i know someone not to say names (kevin ) said dat his dad was never around and he won'ts to be a good farther. bull shit wat the fuck is he doin wit his kids they are going to grow up wit out a dad just like he did. look how he turn out u get my point right they need to put aside there diff and both need to work it out. i said both no shit work it out. brit your my gurl i love u but just think how it would be wit out your dad around. u hate it right u a good gurl just u need puttin kevin in his place and beat the hell out of him im tellin u one good hit he stop doin wat he is doin know u. listen gurl just do your thing and take care of the kids love u gurl just do u ok.

Things I Get Smacked For

So I don't know if what I have qualifies as a "sense of humor". Most times, my remarks elicit groans, usually accompanied by a good smack. It's been that way all my life.

When I was 12 or so, I said to my Mom, "It's a good thing you named me Jim."

"Why?", she asked.

"'Cause that's what everybody calls me."

Smack.

I remember my wife, some 10-15 years ago, having a Drama Moment, and saying "You never say anything nice to me."

I thought for a minute.

I didn't agree with her, but there was no upside to arguing the point at that minute, being that it was a Drama Moment and all. So I sat back, and came up with this:

"OK, how about this? Your In-Laws are a hell of a lot nicer than my In-Laws."

I got a smile from her. Then 30 seconds later, I got a smack from her.

I once hit her with "Yeah? Well if I were half as smart as you are dumb, then I could rule the world."

Smack.

It happened with my friends ("hey, you're not the worst driver in the world, but when that guy dies...)

Smack.

We had a really distant relative die one time, and I remember a week or so later, saying (at the dinner table) "You know what Uncle Ned would be doing if he were alive today?"

"No, what?"

"Scratching at the coffin."

That wasn't a smack. That was the Slapping Cloud of Death coming at me in the form of my Mom.

I was good at passive-aggression, which is a sure-fire way to get smacked. I said to one friend "It's so remarkable that a person of your caliber has come so far!"

She could hit. Hard.

But the biggest beatings I have ever taken, involved Britney Spears.

When she and I were married...

yeah right.

Britney Spears is a person. She is also an Entertainer.

I don't know Britney Spears as a person. And the way the world is, I probably never will. (although I DID go to her NyLa restaurant in the 7 hours it was open for business). What I do know about Britney is that she had a new kind of act, she was a really energetic performer, and she was kinda fun.

Yes and she isn't too hard to look at



























I remember once being at a party, wandering through one of the rooms where there was a large screen TV. I looked and Britney Spears was on.

I stopped and said, kind of to myself, "Oh I like her."

You'd have thought I had just announced that I loved Hitler, by the reaction I got from the women I'm friends with. It was a roar, in unison.

"She's a slut" "She has no talent" "Are you kidding me?"

And of course, smack. Smack, punch, kick, smack, (even got a hair-pull)

Ah yes, I try.

Rich or poor, it's nice to have money.


Smack line starts at the rear of the building.

What To Do, What To Do...

I have nothing but profound respect for people who stand up for what they believe in. That respect from me is earned when:

• The belief is one that is at the core of one's very being
• The motive is sincere
• The "standing up" is a legitimate reaction to a threat to that belief
• It is not an "attention getting" device.

Micheal Newdow filed a Federal lawsuit in 2002 to stop his daughter from being forced to recite the Pledge Of Allegiance in her classroom. He claimed his 5 year old daughter was "offended" by the phrase "One Nation, Under God". Yeah. Ok. Mike Newdow was a run-of-the-mill, mediocre human being who was out for his 15 Minutes Of Fame, and couldn't figure out how else to do it, so he tried riding on the shoulders of his 5 year old daughter. The Court said he had no legal standing because he was not the custodial parent of the child. Thanks Mike, see ya!

See, as much as the country disliked Madalyn Murray O'Hair, (the one who essentially got prayer banned from the classroom) there had to be a little respect for the way she held fast to her beliefs. I mean she was a screw-ball (she lied that her son was being beaten in school for refusing to pray-son said "NOT") who might have been looking for a little time in the spotlight (she applied for Soviet Citizenship, but was denied...they're not stupid over there), but she really had to be a strong person to withstand the barrage that came her way over the whole issue. She stood her ground, because she really believed in what she was fighting for.

I didn't like her, but I did respect her.

The latest flurry is coming from some college out in California, Orange Coast College.Student Government Leaders decided to "ban" the Pledge of Allegiance at their meetings, because they feel there is no need to publicly swear loyalty to God or the US Government.

I'd love to discuss this with intelligence and decorum. But you know what? This is still the United States of America, and since there is still freedom of speech, I'm gonna do it my way.

My friends at Orange Coast are full of it. They're not making a name for themselves in any conventional manner, so they go the "Hey look at us! We're worthless, but we're loud" route. They hide behind the protection afforded them by the government that they show no allegiance to. But they're not standing up for a belief, they're not championing some Noble Cause. They're gunning for attention, pure and simple. And they did it on Veteran's Day.

This my opinion:

"Hey Hot Shots, you're just plain losers. No one said you have to recite the Pledge. You're just looking for attention that you haven't otherwise been able to gain. You vote to 'ban' others from doing so at your meetings. Something a little hypocritical there, I just can't put my finger on it."

If I thought that these "students" were standing up for something, that they were really behind what they believed in, I'd either support them or shut my mouth. I just really loathe con artists who make a mockery of the rights that they've been granted in the very country they refuse to pledge allegiance to. All to draw attention to otherwise insignificant existences. I just wonder how many of these "students" are attending Orange Crush School on the Government's dime.

Insincerity is really offensive. Wonder if I could sue?

Fuhgeddaboudit

I'm the living President of the People Who Always Forget Shit Club. I'm always "starting" to do things and getting halfway through before I forget what I was doing.

I constantly leave things and then forget where I put them. And it's not just forgetting things like heating the kitchen by leaving the oven on for 282 years, it's idiot stuff too. Like putting the tea bags in the fridge, but putting the milk in the cupboard. Doesn't that smell awesome after a few days?

And putting stuff on the car roof and forgetting 9 seconds later. You can find my house really easily: just follow the trail of oversized coffee mugs littering the roadway.

And how do you forget your year of birth? I recently got some forms returned to me because I put my date of birth in the year 2006. I might not be much more capable then a 3 month old, but the 6'4 body and facial hair throws things off a little.

Anyway, I started out writing an entry here today, and I was gonna make a list of all the things I forgot, but that would just be silly. So I'm gonna call it quits for the evening before I forget that I have to go to the bathroom, and well, you know...

Scrutiny

The elections are over, thank God, and the attack ads can all be buried out back now, at least for this season.

The whole thing is silly.

One thing I have learned about this government is, if you got drunk and took a leak in some back alley in Detroit in 1967, someone has the wherewithal to find that out and slap it all over the newspapers. Just to make you look bad. They know all, and tell all.

These people found out that one of our former Presidents smoked pot in some dorm room in England 30 years ago, and we could read about every detail down to the kind of rolling paper he used, although they did fail to notice that he didn't inhale the smoke. This same President, when confronted with a semen-stained dress, said "I have never had sexual relations with that woman", and we essentially bought it. And the wife of this President is most likely going to be running for the same office in 2008.

These folks convicted and imprisoned Martha Stewart, who said she didn't do it. They released John Mark Karr, who said he did do it. And OJ Simpson, who WE all figured pretty much did everything they said he did, is playing golf.

We have video cameras everywhere, capturing every word, every "botched joke" that has ever been, or ever will be, uttered by anyone with any political aspirations. There are people who can adminster tests that can be used to tell you just how much grape juice you drank a week ago Tuesday, and who was in the room when you drank it.

And we sort through all this crap. We allow some pedophile in Congress to exchange sordid emails with children, then go into rehab to get out of it. We investigate everyone remotely connected to a mess like that, asking "what did they know, and when do they know it?", and we watch them all squirm until some better story comes along.

We have a State Comptroller who ran for reelection, and part of his campaign effort was to defend the fact that he used State money to provide a chauffeur for his wife. A Senator from NJ won reelection despite an investigation into his alleged kick-back schemes.
You can run, but you can't hide, I guess.

And so, the midterm elections are over. This government is back in business, having shown us that they can find out anything about anyone anytime.

And yet, the most deadly enemy we've had since probably Hitler, Mr. Osama Bin Laden, the biggest REAL threat to our country, continues to taunt us from somewhere out in the hills.

Maybe we should nominate him to run for an Office. We'd catch him in no time.

Britney Spears Files for Divorce