Two Views!

Ok there's a few ways to tell a story, right? Let's look at this made-up tale as an example:

"I woke up, went out to the front door to get the newspaper. I looked across the street and saw my neighbor's house in flames. I ran in and called 911, and the Fire Department got there in time to save everyone!"

OK. Now Version 2:

"I rolled over and looked at the clock. It was 7:30 AM. I figured I had a few minutes before I had to get ready for work, so I went down to the kitchen to start a pot of coffee. I use Maxwell House coffee now because the Starbuck's coffee, which I used to drink and really liked, got so expensive.

Once the coffee was brewing, (I like to make sure the pot actually starts brewing, because sometimes I come back to find water all over the counter. You really don't want water running on the formica all the time, ya know?) I decided I would have my coffee while reading the newspaper. I prefer the Gazette now to the Examiner, because the delivery is so much earlier, and the paper is such a quick read. You can fold it a lot easier because they don't fill it with a lot of advertisments.

So I opened the front door, which I recently fixed because the hinges were all out of whack. I got the new hinges at Home Depot which had them on sale a lot cheaper than Lowe's, although Mary's husband works at Lowe's and tells me all the time that they carry stock so much cheaper. When I opened the door, I saw the newspaper exactly where I like it to be, which is why I give the paperboy a bigger tip these days. I thought for a minute that I smelled smoke, and was afraid that maybe my coffee maker had malfunctioned, because you can't always be sure with that stuff you buy in Walmart. But then I caught a flash from the corner of my eye, and for a second thought it just might be a glimmer of sunlight which wouldn't be unusual for that hour of the morning, being that it's summer and all.

Well it was then that I realized that Tom and Delores' house was on fire. They've been living there since 1975. I met them through Bill and Margaret who I knew from Church, and they're very nice people all around.

I didn't want to take a chance, being that so many people might have left for work already and might not see the flames, so I went back inside with the newspaper and set it down on the table. I wasn't sure if I should use the cell phone to make a 911 call, so I opted for the house phone, which of course, was nowhere to be found. Jane leaves the phone in the whackiest places, and since I've gone cordless, I haven't been able to keep track of where the darned thing is. Luckily there's a 'pager' function that you can use to locate the handset and it turned out it was in the living room. We're having that painted, so the phone was hidden under one of those blue tarps you see, which I'm not sure are better than the old canvas ones.

I dialed 911 and they picked up on the first ring, which really surprised me, since you hear so many bad stories about 911 mistakes these days. They ran a story like that on 'Dateline' this past weekend, which we watched off a recording instead of live because we were out on the boat with Phil and Louise, who are the best hosts in town when it comes to dinner parties.

I couldn't believe how quickly the fire department arrived. I could hear the sirens within a minute or two of making the call, and I was surprised I could hear them over the hum of the air conditioning system, which I have to have checked out before this summer is over.

Well I'm happy to say that the FD got the fire out pretty quickly, considering how intense the blaze was by the time they got there. The family got out in plenty of time, and I saw them all standing in their robes and pajamas, while the neighbors brought them drinks and blankets, which probably isn't necessary with it being summer and all.

Ok, you have to go now. Thank God for the Fire Department, huh?"

So...

Please tell me why, no matter what, I always end up with the Version 2 Tellers?

My ears bleed daily!

Pretty Cool Idea

A Friend has her own business that I've mentioned before, but she's added a blog to help explain what her business is all about. Feel free to check it out!

Geezees Custom Canvas Art Blog

Things Are Normal

Certain things have to be in place in order for the Universe to feel right, ya know?

I logged on to Pogo.com a couple of times recently, and got soundly thrashed by my good friend Emily. Nice to know some things don't change.

Today (or Yesterday, as the Case May Be)

Today I had the kind of day we always welcome. I spent time with my kids at a baseball game. Pure fun, pure joy. I love watching the faces of children who are having a good time. Those smiles are something no one can fake.

It was the kind of day that, were it my last, I could go with a smile on my face. And I don't think that's an awful thing at all.

Someone Stuck a Happy Pill in My...

So, let's look at the whole trust thing...

So far this week I my Trust Resolution has resulted in me:

• Being tarred and feathered


• Being buried alive


• Being shot out of a cannon


• Having, not one, but two wallets stolen.

Ok maybe not.

The plumbing thing worked out to the tune of roughly S700,000 or $1250 in American currency. Did I get hosed? Not sure, but there is no more Great Lake in the yard, so...

But I did some more good stuff:

• I went to McDonald's, ate, and trusted them not to poison me. I'm good.


• Took a client's word on something he said he would do. Still pending.


• Lent someone $20. Said he'll pay me Thursday. k

So it's not Earth shattering, but I'm working on it ALRIGHT?

Imagine how hard it wo uld be to read blogs if e very one wr ote like this?

Anyway I had to sit in the Doc's office a bit, and the great people in the Doc's office shared their WiFi with us lucky patients! So I started visiting blogs.

Yayyy!

Isn't it funny though? When you don't visit for a while, you're always afraid that your favorite blogs won't be there? So far, so good. I'm getting to you! I'll be there!

You are missed.

Sewerage

Well, here's a good start! In August of 2006 I happily discovered a large flood on the back left side of my property, just off the house. There had been a ridiculous amount of rain that year, so I attributed it to a slow drain and that rain. When it became clear that I was either going to have to act, or else name a new ocean, I called a company called Mr. Rooter (not Roto-Rooter) to alleviate the body of water that was quickly becoming swampy back there.

It was revealed to me that the PVC pipe running from the storm drain to the storm sewer out in front of the house had collapsed. As in cracked to hell, crushed, unworking. $1400 later the pipe had been replaced (part of the job involved going under the sidewalk out front). No more Lake Stupid.

Till July, 2009. I rediscovered Lake Stupid after the 289,304 days of rain this Spring. I called the company to inquire as to any warranties, etc. as I could not believe that a pipe could disintegrate in a mere three years. The phone rep did say it was possible if a truck drove on my property, (huh? Highway Stupid, too?) but that they would look into it and do the right thing.

As I know nothing about plumbing other than water in the wrong places is not a good thing, I'm putting my faith in this company to do the right thing. They'll be coming today. I'll keep you posted.

Let's Play A Game

I watch a lot of episodes of House. The central character, Dr. Gregory House, is a brilliant diagnostician who is also a complete misanthrope. He is convinced that people lie and cannot be trusted.

Why talk about that?

I have seen that this character is a bit exaggerated, certainly, but I have seen something else in that character. I have seen traits that I have allowed to fester in my own life. I'm not so much a misanthropic geezer as I am cynical, beyond what I would like to allow any more.

So, what's the game?

I'm going to try something new; something that's been suggested to me on a number of occasions. I'm not going to lose my mind here, of course, but I am going to try trusting people as well as their words. I'm going to give people the benefit of the doubt, I'm going to find a way to allow people to be true to their word. I'm going to put myself out there.

There is a certain amount of faith required here. I'm not going to put my life in people's hands by any means, and I'm not going to become a "Yes Man".

I'm going to treat this somewhat lightheartedly so that no one is in danger. But I'm going to start taking people at their word, allowing them to prove themselves to me simply by doing or saying what they say they will. In other words, I'll put the ball in motion and see where it bounces.

I'll have to be somewhat discreet with the names and such, because a lot of this experiment will take place in the course of doing business, naturally, both in my own business transactions, and in my day-to-day life.

What You Don't See...

I've always maintained that the spoken word is the most powerful weapon, exceeding even the written word. I have no idea why I say that, but it's kinda looking good here right now.

I traveled with my own 3 kids, my oldest daughter's boyfriend, and 3 of my nieces. The ages range from 10 to 22 so the commentary was pretty varied. I became mindful of the little things I heard on my Florida visit, being conscious to write them down for later publication here. I heard some pretty funny stuff and thought I'd share my trip with y'all through those eavesdroppings. Here are a few:

• "I can't believe I have to announce 'PLEASE DON'T TOUCH MY UNDERWEAR!'"


• "If I eat 3 plates of this, I'll probably get sick"


• "Oooh how did you guys know they had side orders of bacon?" "It's called READING THE MENU!"


• "What State is Florida in?"


• "Florida's not so far if you live there."


• "Why isn't anyone texting me?" "Your phone's off"


• "Don't say 'amazing', Dad hates that word"

That's it for now...don't want to over-do it.

A Public Service?

Hi there. I've completely lost my mind. All gone.

I decided (and not while under the influence), to go to Key West, FL. And I'm going to drive. With the kids, some of the nieces, a whole crowd.

For anyone who might be considering a similar venture at any point in the future, I offer the following as a service. I will Mobile Blog over at www.stupidontherun.com and let you know how it goes.

A Challenge?

Hi there. I found the following in a comment from a previous entry:

This nonsense is apparent everywhere. It sucks. But I have an assignment for you...should you decide to accept it.

Take a week...and only look for (take notice of) all the nice gestures. All that's good and right in the world (outside of your family). It might be hard, but I wonder what the results might be.

I'm not being sarcastic, or trite...I'm simply suggesting a task for my Lipster friend.

Do you accept this challenge?

I'm not sure what that was about. Anyone who knows me, knows that my act here is being silly and sarcastic when I make my observations on society. I like trying to be funny when I get in that mood because I think satire and idiotic humor make the bad things in life a little more palatable. Or at least not as bad. I don't write about the heinous crimes or other atrocities that take place in the world. I try to avoid politics and religion because those topics bring out the worst in people. There are a whole lot of people who believe in freedom of speech, as long as what you say is agreeable to them.

I fancy myself a social satirist. I also know I'm a wiseass.

I had the pleasure, once, of meeting George Carlin. The man was one of my favorite comedians, and he made a career of roasting society. He called people on their B.S. and had a hard time with the Self-Important, The Rude and the Inconsiderate. His humor, in my opinion, was peerless. But at the same time, meeting him was a great experience because he was a delightful, social man. He wasn't a sour monster, in fact, he was a very pleasant man.

Point is, when he was being humorous, he knew what to be funny about. How long would his comedy career have lasted if he spent his time pointing out how wonderful the world can be?

Now I in no way compare myself to George Carlin. I wouldn't be able to carry his microphone. But his style, along with some other satirists, inspires me. I don't think George would have been so gracious, however, had I deemed it necessary to offer advice on how to revamp his brand of silliness.

I am very well aware of all the good in the world. I've been the recipient of many acts of kindness, particularly in the more recent years. I love my children and take great joy from my doings with them. I love my friends, who have carried me through some tough times. I have shared some of the joys in my life in this very blog over the years.

But, it's all about creativity for me. Some of my favorite blogs have had themes: some tremendous photographers, people who paint or sculpt, people who produce crafts; Moms who share their kid stories, folks who share their career adventures. My creative muse wants me to be silly, and funny. "Write about what you know" is the advice I was always given.

Let's face it though, it's nice to be nice. The world is a good balance of good and evil. But, if I were trying to attract an audience by making fun of nice things, kind people and happy souls, it wouldn't be a long relationship. It's more fun to make light of the Self-Important, The Rude and The Inconsiderate. Kind of let them know that they're not as great as they would have you believe. I rarely name actual names, so I think I'm fairly harmless. I don't post photos of my targets, so I'm really not hurting anyone, right?

I don't consider what I do an "art", but it is something that I produce. I don't take myself too seriously, which is why I usually add the tags "Moral Outrage" or "My Personal Dumbness" to those particular articles.

Just as photography, or music, or painting doesn't define the person who creates it, my satire doesn't define me. I like being a people watcher, and that brings a lot of joy and happiness to my life, but it's also a great source for my idiotic humor. I like the World because I do believe people are inherently good, I just think we always have room for improvement. I wouldn't tell people what to change so much as I enjoy picking on them. I don't view the world through rose-colored lenses, but neither do I look through black glasses. I just like to have some fun.

Challenge met?

Driving Through Church

I wouldn't normally think of driving on the highway in the same frame as going to Church. Although with all the busy people out there leading such busy lives these days, can Drive-Thru Mass be next?

I digress.

I've come to realize that Sunday Mass and a Sunday Drive are opportunities to see a lot of what's gone wrong with us. Really!

First off, where is the hell is everyone going in such a friggin hurry? Speed limits are a thing of the past, I know that, but why the hell does everyone need to drive like they're escaping a tidal wave?

And if you want to see where courtesy has gone, just watch roadway etiquette these days. I've seen people who'd rather die than let someone merge in ahead of them. It might hold them up 15 seconds to let the guy in, but then what would one do to make up that lost quarter-minute. Good god no!

Used to be, if you were one of those idiots who insisted on latching on to the left lane like Bin Laden to a cave, you were open to tailgating and flashing lights. Now all you have to do is be on the road. HEY, GET OUT OF MY WAY! I'M A BUSY GUY YA KNOW!

Being a rude, idiot driver makes no logical sense. But yet...

And Church...Sitting through a service these days is a test of human endurance. I watched a woman come into Mass recently, carrying a Starbucks bag. She proceeded to unwrap a coffee and I what I believe was a blueberry muffin and eat it during the Mass. And seeing a moron on a cellphone during a Mass is so commonplace these days that it's barely worth mentioning.

People show up dressed in their Sunday Worst; they show up whenever they want. At Sunday's Mass, the priest was wrapping up after Communion and there were still nitwits showing up. My friend, the Future Criminal, was there today, tormenting his parents. I'm not sure what the fuss is, though, because he was no more disruptive than a typhoon. But people don't remove obnoxious children anymore because people assume it's their right to inflict their little Plagues on the rest of society unimpeded.

And I think nothing says it better than what I experience first-hand these days. While I'm hardly a helpless cripple, I am sufficiently handicapped to the point that I must walk a bit slowly, and with a cane. More than once, recently, I've been shoved past by someone on their way into Church. I can't walk too quickly, but I can still fight, and my handicaps provide me with a nice heavy weapon. But my Christian upbringing was at least good enough that I know it's not a good thing to club someone on the Church steps. Even ignorant morons who don't realize how lucky they are that we are, in fact, on hallowed ground.

Anyway, I'm finished with my amateur pyscho-babble.

What's your take?

Respect?

It's something I hear all the time: people demanding respect. Oh they want it, demand it, do everything but earn it.

Somehow, in this society we've been transformed into thinking that we can get pretty much anything we want if we yell loud enough, or are obnoxious enough or just plan anti-social, "Squeaky wheel gets the grease" type of thinking. But it's our own fault now, that we have to deal with these loud, annoying, half-witted morons. We've glorified them, made celebrities of imbeciles who should better be slapped and sent back home. We've allowed them to equate "attention" with "respect".

I think that's part of the reason we have so many people on medications. They're raised to believe they're entitled to anything they want, and when the real world catches up with that illusion, they need to medicate. It's not depression, or anxiety, it's "slap in the face". Let's face it folks, we have as many commercials encouraging self-medication as we do for laundry detergent.

And the same goes with the whole respect thing. There are so very few people I know who've actually earned my respect. There are a lot of people who have my attention, or get it; there are a lot of people I might even like, but not a whole lot on my list for those I respect.

I don't equate respect with power, either. Powerful people in this country seldom earn their positions anymore. Power is bought and sold (particularly in NJ) like a cheap commodity these days; respect is like platinum in my view. In fact, the people I respect the very most are not what we'd typically consider people of "power". They've gained respect by acting respectful and being respectable.

Being respectable: it's a pretty simple concept. It's the best way to earn respect.

Important?

Just some thoughts that passed through my head the last few days.

Should safe packaging be so safe that you injure yourself opening it? What do they make those seals out of, anyway?

---

I know that money is tight these days. In fact, they tell us here in NJ that there are so many things that there are "no money for", I wonder what they do spend it on besides graft. But isn't it a reasonable thing to expect that the roads in a US State at least be passable? These roads EAT cars now. Not just tires, axles, hubcaps, I mean entire cars. Friends of mine have disappeared forever on the Garden State Parkway and Jersey Turnpike. At least some gravel or something, ya know?

---

And I've come to understand that expiration dates are important on packaging. I get it. So if they are so important, could these people please MAKE THEM READABLE! And what about the occasional package that has no date whatsoever? Can we assume that the stuff in there is good forever?

---

Note to FOX-5 NY: I can no longer watch your news at 10. You guys have so many computer graphics spinning, circling and flashing on the screen that I seize up after mere seconds. Could we make the news about the news again someday and stop dressing it up like a Sesame Street skit?

---

And how sad is it that the news promos now feature stories that we used to only be able to read in such gems as The Star or The National Enquirer. I fully expect Maury Povich to move back into the Anchor desk any day now.

---

I still don't get these TV ads that feature people so close to the camera that we can see their nose-hairs. Sorry.

SEE?

I got a message that said, "Your not gonna believe this, you're life will definately never be the same..."

That made my brain hurt.

Introspection

Hi folks. I've been working my tail off. It's still there (kinda still large too) so I need to keep working.

I'm not knocking the cover off the ball, so to speak, and part of my problem is that I'm part of an industry that doesn't always encourage honesty, or the benefit of the client. I'm really, really trying to do my business in an honest fashion, where I put the needs of the client first. But I'm fighting that less-than-stellar reputation on a daily basis.

When did American Business become all about exploitation? I think that paying people less than their efforts are worth encourages short-cuts, dishonesty and outright deception. The SubPrime mess speaks volumes in that area. Anything that makes the Company money is ok. No matter what.

I just keep wondering, is it possible for one to market products and services honestly, with the best interest of the client at heart, and be successful? For me, at this point, just winning people's trust feels like a major victory. I've met with people who've been scammed and lied to, so why should they trust me?

I've been told to remind my clients that the recommended amount of life insurance is 8 to 10 times their current income. See, I have a hard time with that because the recommendation comes from the Insurance Industry. To me it's like McDonalds telling people that the recommended amount of hamburgers is 2 a day.

Part of my training included what not to say to people. The "Not To Says" were things that I would just consider being honest.

My approach to my service business is identifying need and offering to fill that need in a means to the client's benefit. I do believe that people should carry life insurance. People need to pay for funerals, medical expenses, and provide income to help the survivors get through the difficult times after someone passes early and unexpectedly. The way I approach the situation is to go over what the financial needs would be, and design an insurance program to meet those needs, and nothing more. A young father with a wife, 3 kids, a mortgage and some extra debt needs more coverage than a woman in her 40's with a husband and an apartment and an 18 year old child. I want to match them to the right amount.

Same goes for retirement savings. People can't save more than they're comfortable putting aside. And not every financial instrument is a suitable investment for every client. Mutual funds are great. Individual stock investments can bear an enormous amount of risk (Enron, Lehman Bros. anyone?) and annuities are good for people who are looking for supplements to their retirement savings.

I believe I have the means to sit down with clients, analyze their needs and design programs and services to meet those needs in a way that benefits them, while also benefitting me by compensating me for my time and efforts. I think this can be a mutually beneficial situation and try to act accordingly.

But I get a lot of flack. If I meet clients who have adequate insurance coverage, I tell them so, and leave it alone. If they're saving enough for retirement, I back off.

I refuse to engage in subterfuge, and I refuse to pull out the smoke and mirrors. I try to deal honestly and fairly. If I can't improve one's situation, I don't do business. If I can, I show how I can and let the clients make up their minds. I refuse to be a door-to-door snake oil salesman.

I have a lot to learn I guess.

But wouldn't it be easier to offer products and services at a price people can afford and without trying to "sell" them? I have those means at my disposal. I just don't get a lot of encouragement to use them.

It's hard.