It's strange sometimes, how history repeats itself. Six years ago on this date and time, I was pretty much doing the same thing: being awake at an ungodly time, sitting around thinking.
I took stock of my life in the days after September 11th, 2001. I decided that my life needed a lot of work, in that I hadn't done very much for people in the years prior to that day. I'd very much gotten caught up in my Wall Street life, as I was beginning to enjoy (financially-never a good thing) the fruits of my labors, which in turn, led to a very selfish lifestyle.
I had a grandiose vision of my life, post-September 11. I was going to touch lives, help others, and really make my life matter. I was a good father, but there was plenty of room for improvement there as well. Oh this was the stuff of heroic literature. I was going to find, and fix, as many people's problems as I could. I was set to go.
So, what happened?
Well I'm happy to report that my relationships with my children are better than ever. And I did do a couple of things that "mattered", but...
I think with the exception of two people in particular, I haven't done very well in the "make my life matter" scheme. The past couple of years have seen some very misguided, if well-intentioned, efforts to make a difference in people's lives. I've seen my efforts to be kind and generous spent on the wrong people. As a result, I've had quite a few selfish, greedy people embed themselves into my life. My desire to "give" fed right into their greed, and I wasn't smart enough to see it. But as my entry from the other day proved, I've reached my limits of tolerance now. And that's not a good thing.
Someone told me that life is a series of second chances. I hope so. I've spent a lot of time the last week or two, reformulating my life plan. I intend to make my life matter if it kills me, only now I'm going to do it the right way, without any aspirations for glitz and glamour, or fanfare. I think I can fix this, I just needed to clear my vision.
Wish me luck, ok?
Jimmy I think we all get 'sucked in' from time to time... don't give up you do matter
ReplyDeletehugs
d
I think the fact that your trying show that your a kind person. Keep trying. Kindness is important.
ReplyDeleteJulie
Jimmy, there will always be people who "take" whatever we give, for reasons of their own. All you can do is be the best person you can. Knowing that, there will be pain, hurt, etc. Judgement will come for all of us. You are selfless, caring, and that you recognize the strides you've made with the kiddos...THAT is important. Never give up!
ReplyDeletexoxo ~Myra
There will always be people who are just "takers". Who can't see beyond themselves enough to appreciate the good in the people who help them. That is their character flaw...not yours. You helped because you have a good heart...and in the end...that is what counts most!
ReplyDeleteTracie
Jimmy it's hard when we have the best of intentions yet those intentions fall into the wrong hands. I will do more than wish you luck, I'm praying for you. Your heart is good and that counts for a great deal.
ReplyDeleteGod Bless
Oh...thank you for your comment on my journal! It means a lot!
Jimmy~You never cease to surprise me with what a deep thinker you are--I mean just how mnay Wall Street guys have you met who are like you in that way? ;-) Seems that money would be much more important than making a difference...Or am I just jaded with this type casting? Anyhow you already make a difference to many. Happy Hump Day
ReplyDelete;-0 and of course I wish you luck; I too am wanting to make more of a difference...Hugs, Deb ;-)
I think we all matter. We teach and we learn as we go through life. And bad decisions can maybe teach better than good ones.
ReplyDeleteB.
Jimmy, your a great guy, a great friend to many of us on AOL & a very generous man. You are such an intelligent guy, very sensitive to other people's needs & feelings, always ready to lend a hand. Do not change because of a few people. I've dealt with many people that have burned me, but that will not change my attitude towards other, just encourages me to be a little wiser. Keep focused on your goals & stay positive....Good things will come your way!!!
ReplyDeleteMarie
just giving words of wisdom is lending a hand give some change to the homeless giving a hug all makes for a better person little things in lending a hand are just as important i have no doubt you're a wonderful man you give of yourself just by doing this journal which makes an impact on others as well don't be so hard on yourself you're perfect just the way you are...hugz~kbear
ReplyDeleteYesterday i was doing a bit of reflecting, it can't be helped.
ReplyDeleteAll we can do is keep plugging away, keep giving ourselves a second chance. At some point we will get it right. I need a few more second chances myself.
I can only pray that we both achieve these goals.
Monica
JIMMY. YOU ARE A GREAT GUY! AND I KNOW THAT YOU HAVE A HEART OF GOLD...AND YOU ARE THERE FOR PEOPLE IN NEED...YOU HAVE PROVED THAT TO ME..AND I AM FOREVER THANKFUL. GET RID OF THE PEOPLE WHO JUST WANT TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF YOUR GOOD HEART JIMMY...THEY WILL WEIGH YOU DOWN AND LEAVE YOU COLD HEARTED...
ReplyDeleteLOVE YA,
CARLENE
You don't need luck mate, your'e there already.
ReplyDeleteGaz
How 'bout this: Two of your comments, recently, actually lifted my spirits, made me smile and get all mushy.
ReplyDeleteThat's something.
Believe me.
I am not easily mushed! LOL!
As the saying goes, it's the thought that counts. Your intentions have always been good ones, that's what matters most. In the land of making things better and making things matter just don't forget to include youself in the kindness! Hugs, Martha
ReplyDeleteJimmy you are one of the sweetest, kindest people I've ever had the pleasure of "getting to know." I deffinately learned a value in friendship from knowing you. I admire the man you are, and the man you've been. You've lived a lot of life and it shows.
ReplyDeletethank you for being my friend.
Brandi
ps .. i'm trying to catch up. : (
I think the fact that I am number 16 leaving a comment goes to show how much of a difference you have made in people's lives. You've said the nicest things on my blog and have lifted my spirits many times. You truly are a generous and thoughtful individual, and the mere fact that you think you need to do better shows your humility.
ReplyDeleteHi Jimmy,
ReplyDeleteSometimes the best people are the ones who are toughest on themselves. I'll bet you're making much more of a difference than you realize!
Best,
Marty
lippo you dont need good luck you are already the best to the ones that matter anywho
ReplyDeletehave a good day today and got leash, lol
Life is full of 2nd chances. ALS saved my life and I'm sure there is other opportunities I walk right past. You eye's are wide open and with a full heart, can't beat that combo. :) HUGS
ReplyDeleteLight house keeping is in order and good energy stays.
Hi, Jimmy;
ReplyDeleteYou want to make your life matter more than it does, than do it. There are always things that can be done. Check with your Church or with civic organizations, or even think of something you know you can do well. In the mean time understand that your life does matter everyday because your kids make it matter. Like you said, you're a good parent. That's more than many people can say truthfully.
Jude
http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay
Strange isn't it, that process of trying to work out where our life should be at and how to get there? I really sympathise - I seem to do this thing ever six months or so, and it never gets any easier. But in the end, I think that the right or wrong of our life is in the details. I obviously don't know you except on the blog, but my impression is that you try to have a positive influence on the people around you (you do on me!) and that you try you're best to do the right thing by your kids. And those two things alone are so worth doing. Good luck in figuring out how else you want to find happiness and make your life what you want it to be.
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