A Step (rather loud) In the Right Direction

I read something in my friend's journal. Something that happened with her happened with me, and it felt so good reading hers, that I wanted to write about mine.

I have been a major a*hole the last few days. It's not behavior I am comfortable with, but I have deduced that it's something that is going to be necessary to survive any longer. We're all familiar with the "Golden Rule", and the concept of "live and let live." Well, that's all true. You are very much free to do what you want, but guess what? So am I.

It started with a favor. A buddy of mine asked me for some advice on beginning a pension plan for his group. I know a little about that sort of stuff. I set up a meeting with a gentleman who could offer ideas and sell us products to finance such a plan. And so we met.

He introduced himself. Then he took a phone call. He then took out some brochures and handed them to me. Then he took a cell phone call. I asked him about a particular annuity product when he hung up. He began to discuss the offerings from that company, and interrupted that discussion to take a phone call. I stood up and left. Screw that. This isn't some little old lady looking to buy a $5 annuity. We're talking hundreds of thousands of dollars. You take your phone calls, dude. We're not that important.

The next consultant I met with was a mid-20's young woman. She seemed knowledgeable, but we had a problem. She was talking in a voice that I usually hear from people in bed with each other. I asked her to speak up, and speak clearly. Hell, if you want to seduce me, let's get the work done and talk about that later. In the meantime, spit the damned marbles out of your mouth. That didn't go so well.

I was working with another group this morning, when the cell phone reared its ugly head. I volunteered to supply the working group with a round of Starbucks. I don't drink anything from the place myself, but I know people like it, and nothing can start the motivation process like giving folks what they want.

The Scene: local Starbucks. I'm on line behind Busy Guy. It's Saturday morning, but this guy is so swamped that he can't take two minutes out of his cellphone day to order a coffee? He's blabbering away, loud and clear. I'm behind him thinking about all the joyful places I could ram the cell phone. He gets to the front of the line, Counter Guy asks what he can get for him. Busy guy holds up the "just a minute, I'm on the phone" finger. Counter Guy deep-breaths it, looks at me and says, "What can I get you?

I had a large order. Busy Guy had to wait. I think Counter guy and I made a good team.

But the event I shared with my friend's journal took place last night. I was speaking to a woman I'm friends with. She's planning a big party/get-together. We were just going over schedules, etc., and what I could do to help.

Now along comes Ms Muffet. She interrupts, begins speaking as if no one is there. She then positions herself between the Woman Friend and me, with her back to me. Message? Sorry, Mr. Stupid, I'm more important than you.

Message Rebuttal? (Spoken out loud, incidentally, as I stepped back to where I was speaking) "Yeah, now there are three of us here that know you are an asshole. Next time, try some manners, Lady. Wait till I'm done." That worked, although it didn't make me popular with her. Made Woman Friend giggle though. Ms Muffet left.

And the closer...

My group of friends decided it was time for a group dinner. We've been putting it off too long, so we're going for it tonight. One of the group, a rather large pain in the ass, incidentally, voiced her opposition to our choice of restaurants. She recently joined the Vegetarian Movement with some other friends of her, and said, "Well, hey, I'm a Vegetarian."

I said, "Then order a salad."

She didn't like that too much and began to argue her point. I simply said, "Don't go. If I decide to join your group of Vegans for dinner, are you all going to agree to a steakhouse because I'm a carnivore? I don't think so."

That didn't make me her favorite, but hey, some things are still Democracies. Like friendships. Majority rules. Exercise your right to choice, but in this case, your choice to make alternate plans. We like meat, we're eating meat. Next time, ask a little more politely, perhaps? It's your choice to be a vegetarian. Not ours.

So yah, some other new rules going into effect, starting now.

• If you only know my phone number when you need something, forget my phone number. The Service is closed.


• If you enjoy being rude, I can be more rude. I'm bigger and louder (I yell for a living), so be ready if you bring it.


• Remember that not every reaction is "equal and opposite". Sometimes it's a lot worse than you planned on. I no longer have anything to lose. Being decent doesn't have a place in the world anymore. I learned that. I get it. I'm on it.

Like I said, you're free to do whatever you want to. But it works both ways. And like a dog who's gotten a taste for blood, I'm no longer gonna be too predictable. It's a whole new world out there, and I just caught up.