Why?

So I had a conversation about blogging with a friend of mine. She told me this blog should be more "me".

I like to think I will eventually become a writer. It's something I have always wanted to do, and I don't think writing about "me" is going to be the secret of my success. I mean, of course, what I write is a representation of "me", but I don't think people like to read about what I ate for dinner.

I'll work on it though. I like to write. I won't lie. I like to think that maybe I could eventually attract a following, and I like to see comments and feedback.

Maybe if it were a little more interesting in here. I'll see what I can do.

Two Times Only

I hate discussing politics on here. I have my views, you have yours, and we will never agree, nor will we ever convert one another's views to our very own. But I do kind of like the Presidential Race because it's sometimes exciting, always important and something we should all have an opinion on.

I take my vote very seriously, but I also love to have fun when it comes to the Presidential elections. It really brings out the worst in people. It reminds me of the Crusades, for crying out loud. We're normally allowed to have opinions in this country, and we're always hearing about "Freedom of Speech", but just try expressing a "political" opinion in a blog, especially if you don't happen to be mainstream. I always laugh at the folks who want to tar and feather you, and I really enjoy the ones who assume you're somehow mentally deficient if you don't support their candidate. I remember one year, being told that I needed to "better educate myself" during the Bush vs. Gore election of 2000, by someone who could barely write in complete sentences. I especially enjoyed the part where they wrote, "if you take another look at the isues, Id bet your definately going to change you're mind".[sic] Yayyy!

Anyway, I have been sitting back and taking my preliminary notes on the overall campaigning, and these are my thoughts on some of the potential candidates. I'll start with the Democrats today.

John Edwards He seems like an intelligent guy, but he doesn't appear "Presidential" to me. He just makes me think we'd have to wait too long for any decisions from him, because he's got to ask his Mom or something.

Chris Dodd Nope.

Bill Richardson Nice enough man, just doesn't do it for me. His brand of politics is more along the lines of telling me how other people's ideas are wrong, rather than convincing me why his are right. Not eliminated from my mind, just not a big contender.

Dennis Kucinich Reminds me too much of Ross Perot, and, he doesn't strike me as being a very original thinker. I need some dynamism from my candidates.

Tom Vilsack Who?

Joe Biden Nope

Al Gore Eliminated on principle. I think the President of the United States needs to be a living person.

Hillary Clinton I've spoken about her before, and I still maintain my opinion when it comes to her. I think the first woman to reach the White House as President will be someone who'll be remembered throughout history. I think it will be an incredible honor, as well as a stupendous accomplishment. I just don't want it to be her. She's intelligent and able, but I don't think she is honorable or respectable.

Barack Obama If I were to choose a Democratic candidate, I do believe this would be the man I'd vote for. And as much as I would like to see him do well politically, I almost wish he would back out because there will be a never-ending series of efforts, particularly by the media, to destroy this man's life. I think they will stop at nothing to hurt him, and that will detract from the support a good President needs. It would be a shame, but I think it would be inevitable.

OK that's it. Tomorrow the Republicans.

Saturday Spiel

So it was one of those couple of days where things hurt, made me cry. We had over-ordered on the pizza the other night, and try as we might, we couldn't polish it off. I grabbed a couple of ZipLoc bags and started putting the leftovers in her freezer. She said, "oh, don't put that in there, I won't eat it".

"Oh, why, it's good stuff" I replied.

"Yeah," she said, "I don't like pizza after it's been frozen."

"Okey doke."

As I reached in and took the slices out, I noticed the stack of Celeste Pizza's in there. I was gonna say something, but naaah. She eats frozen pizza, just not pizza that's been frozen. So where was that discussion gonna lead, right?


So it looks like I have to get a do-over on one of the leg surgeries. The ACL just didn't heal, and they're gonna need to do a reconstruction. I don't have an exact date yet, but it's gotta be soon, 'cause I keep falling :) yayyy!

Anyway, when I go through stuff like that, I generally keep my hair very short. One less thing to worry about, ya know? (bed head) I like to just about shave it. My friend objected to the hair shaving. She said, "You shouldn't shave your head. Only bald guys should shave their heads."

I was gonna question if bald guys would need hair to shave, but, again, where would I wind up, right?

I finally got around to watching some of those episodes of "Lisa Williams, Life Among the Dead" that I recorded and saved. It's a good show, I think she has a talent, but I still don't buy the whole "Talking to the dead" thing. I think it's pretty good as far as entertainment, but in my mind, it's nothing more than a great parlor trick. I don't believe she's talking to the dead, but I always like to have an open mind about things, and check them out fully before I make a decision, so I did it right :)

Oh, and I still think, (when the season is appropriate) that a woman who wears boots with an outfit makes that outfit so much better. I happen to be a fan of women in boots (there are tasteful ones wiseguys) and I'm sticking to that opinion!

Fan Mail

One of the biggest benefits that I get from this whole online blogging/journaling thing is that, by reading, I get to "know" people I'll probably never meet, but whom I would never known anything about were it not for this medium. And I get to do it in the best possible way: from the inside out. It's hard to explain to people that don't have anything to do with the whole blogging "movement", but reading the journals I do has become a labor of love for me.

There are some incredible minds behind my "to-read list". I try to read a select few at every opportunity, because some of them have something to say nearly every day. If I had my way, I'd gather them all into one big banquet hall and have the best dinner ever with them.

We know that's not likely to happen, but I'd really be happy if I could tell them all just how great it is to read the works of intelligent minds. I'm so grateful for the ability to enjoy the most beautiful part of the people whose words I read, because that's what the Internet has allowed us to do.

I just think it's pretty cool. But I also know that with the world as it is these days, you have to be very careful how much "goodwill" you share with an individual, lest you be branded a STALKER. But one of my biggest problems used to be that so few women who appeared under the header of "comedian" ever made me laugh, but thanks to the blogosphere, I've found some really funny ladies.

And anyone who knows me knows how much I appreciate intelligent people who aren't afraid to show just how intelligent they really are.

So, to those of you whose blogs I really like, I'll just say "thanks for being an integral part of my day, and for sharing your thoughts. They're well worth reading"

OK? How's that. Safe enough, right?

Idolatry

I'm not a big fan of American Idol. I don't hate it or anything, I can just think of better things to watch.

This season I did happen to be watching one episode with some friend. A young woman chose a "Jewel" song for her audition. Her performance wasn't good, but we all agreed she did sound an awful lot like Jewel. This turned this discussion among us to Stars who might not cut it on American Idol.

Face it, some of our most famous singers could bang out a live version of "Yankee Doodle" and make it sound incredible- Mariah Carey, Celine Dion, Beyonce-voices like theirs are indisputably great.

In a lot of cases though, "the song makes the singer". There are instances where you could pretty much take anyone who could carry a tune, put them in a studio, and with a little digital magic, you'd still have a best-selling recording, because it would be the song people loved, not the voice behind it.

Imagine for a second: What if one of the Bee Gees was trying to get his start on Idol? There are quite a few of the most successful singers who made it with less-than-sensational voices. Barry Manilow made millions with his music, but would he cut it with Simon Cowell if he were doing his acapella audition in that little room?

Here are the lists we came up with:

The "Wouldn't Make It's"
We didn't think any of these people would make it past a round or two:

The Bee Gees

Billy Joel

Justin Timberlake

Britney Spears

Ashlee Simpson

Janet Jackson

John Mayer

James Blunt

Billie Joe Armstong (Lead singer of Green Day)

Jewel

I argued hard on this one, because I love Jewel!
 
Potential Winners
We decided that these folks would have a pretty good chance in the competition:

Mariah Carey

Beyonce Knowles

Jessica Simpson

Celine Dion

Nellie Furtado

Sheryl Crow

This debate was actually kind of fun, because of course there are millions of singers who could fit either category. What would have happened to Ethel Merman or Kate Smith, who were superstars in their day? How about Louie Armstrong or Al Jolson, who made millions in their careers? What would they do with Eminem? Would Rappers even be allowed to compete? They don't really sing, right? Or do they? And we mulled over a few other voices who have hit it big, at least money-wise, but whom we couldn't really make a decision about: Hilary Duff, Nick Lachey, Adam Duritz (Counting Crows). It was fun once we got started on this, and the discussion went on a while.

So, who would you add to each list?

Fascination

In the past decade, I have become a major technophile, (although I prefer the term "geek"). I am especially intrigued by portable communications devices. I went nuts over cell phone technology initially, until of course, the little machines became the national pacifiers and I heard more conversations than I care to remember. What really got me going was the evolution of wireless internet devices. I've had the HP Journada, more than one Blackberry, and settled into a cozy relationship with the TMobile Sidekick. I'm currently using the Sidekick III, but am always on the lookout for anything new and innovative.

I have my eyes on whatever I see people using, and when something draws my attention, it's not unlike me to quickly inquire as to the name of a device.

Today, I almost embarrassed myself on the commuter ferry. There was a lady a few seats away, chatting with a friend. During the course of the conversation, she drew a small white object from her handbag, but didn't get right to it. The case caught my eye, and eventually she snapped it open, but continued chatting. I was definitely losing out to curiosity. Just about the time I was about to ask, she began to use it.

It was makeup.

Cooking With Stupid

I had a chance to do some fancy cooking this weekend. I'm not bragging, mind you, but I have learned to get around in the kitchen pretty well. I picked up some great tips over the years, and thought I would just pass some of them along today.

We should really be painting houses with tomato sauce. It lasts forever. If you should happen to splatter some on your favorite shirt or blouse, you should immediately take it off, roll it up and dunk it in the pot of sauce. It's not coming out.

Similarly, if you run out of cement when building your next brick house, you can easily substitute pancake batter. It will stay in place 100 years longer than conventional concrete.

Metal handles on metal skillets tend to get as hot as the rest of the pan. This is why we should use those pot holders that we occasionally get as Christmas gifts.

The more expensive the cut of meat, the faster it goes from "medium rare" to "burnt"

Chefs will tell you that it's perfectly ok to eat the little bones in Salmon. That is only because they are too lazy to take them all out

The more difficult your party menu is to prepare, the more staunchly your guests will refuse to leave the kitchen and get the hell out of the way. "Can I help?"

Rachel Ray frequently says "E-V-O-O" to save time when referring to Extra Virgin Olive Oil. But then she always says "Extra Virgin Olive Oil" in the same breath, so it's not really saving time, and she should stop that. Professional chefs don't care for Rachel because she cooks as well, if not better, than they do, but she didn't go through 100 years of culinary school.

People will tell you that they came up with their own version of a recipe, but that usually just means they didn't have all the ingredients for the original recipe and didn't want to run to the store

Souffles suck. No one really likes them, but they don't want to tell you because they know how hard you worked to make it.

If you want to know what happens when you mix all the ingredients for guacamole dip in an uncovered food processor, let me know. I'll email you

There are many varieties of cutting and chopping tools available now. They all come with manuals that warn of the dangers of misuse. They didn't make these up to fill a page or two in the manual.

So there you have it. I hope that at least one person likes this article, because I have lots more of these little pointers to share in the future. It's just that these burns make it hard to type...

2007 Again

2007 is shaping up to be the "Year of Real" for me, and in a big hurry, too. I have a lot of tough decisions to make, ones I'm not too happy about having to face.

So, what do I do, whine on and on about it?

My friends have always "told it like it is". That's not a bad thing at all. In one way or another, each and every one of them has offered good, solid advice at one point in my life or another.

"Want to not be fat anymore? Lose weight, real simple."

"Not having any luck with women? Stop trying to be with people who aren't attracted to you."

I remember a girl telling me "You'd be pretty cute if you weren't so heavy." I'll bet that if you somehow located this woman now, she'd probably not even remember my name, and probably a little surprised at the profound effect one sentence had on my life.

I figured it out. I loved cheeseburgers and sitting around watching TV. But I loved the attention of the opposite sex a whole lot more. And the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to eat less, eat better, and exercise. E-X-E-R-C-I-S-E. It wasn't easy, and it took a long time. I never really attained the "perfect body" I'd always hoped for, but Version B was a lot better than Version A. No matter how much I wanted to delude myself, girls simply didn't pay attention to big, fat boys.

Same holds true all these years later. My friends and I were having one of those social debates about "men are pigs, they're only interested in a woman's hot body" and I called "bullshit". I said "If you had to make a choice between sex with John Candy or sex with Brad Pitt, who would you pick?" (hey it was a few years ago, but the point is made). We all want to be hot. There are billions and billions of dollars stuffed into the coffers of the diet and fitness companies; somebody is paying to lose weight and become fit.

It's hard to be fit and trim. Some folks face the facts, and do something about it, and others don't. We try and rationalize, we try to change the mindset of those around us, but we can't change everything, and some things are always going to be true whether we like it or not.

Someone wrote a book on blogging, titled "No One Cares What You Had For Breakfast", and I think it's true. Oh, we may lend a few words of encouragement, we may commiserate, and offer support, but we have our own things to deal with. And no one is out there waiting, day after day, to fix our problems.

Our parents are obligated to care for us, nurture us, and tend to our needs. But as we come into adulthood, we must learn to fend for ourselves. A great many people accept that. It's what helps us to grow up and become well-adjusted adults. As grown-ups, no one is obligated to cater to our every whim. Again, a great many people accept that and work with it. We get along.

Of course, there are those who don't accept these notions. We know them as "needy" and "demanding". They're trouble. Day after day, they confront us with their latest drama, telling us how their "needs aren't being met". I personally believe that the biggest source of unhappiness is unrealistic expectations. Other people are not responsible for our happiness. My take is, when it comes to relationships at least, that if you're needs are being met, you've either got to reevaluate those needs, or grow up, suck it up, accept it and move on.

I have to deal with my own problems, just like you. While I'd love to say "fix it for me", I know that's not realistic. It's going to be up to me to figure it out. I mean there's nothing wrong with a friend lending a hand, it's not right for me to expect it from others. I think we have bred a whole subculture that is engrained with a deluded sense of entitlement, and I don't intend to be counted among them. A great many people are raising children as though they were royalty, rather than preparing them to be responsible adults. Again, I don't want to be counted among them.

I carry on occasionally about people who don't accept responsibility for their own actions. You know the type: they commit atrocious acts against others but then claim to be the victim themselves. I don't buy it, plain and simple. Again, I think it's indicative of our willingness to rationalize and defend even the worst behavior. I can't sit and complain about this nonsense with other people if I don't take responsibility for my own life, right?


People care. People sympathize. But no one is responsible for me. It's time to take a deep breath and start doing what I have to. It's called "being a grown-up".

Statistics

Once in a while, I try to touch on something at least remotely intelligent...

I learned that keeping statistics is a tricky science. One teacher I had explained it very nicely when she said that if you took a group of 100 people, and by chance, they all happened to be left-handed, you could erroneously conclude that 100 percent of the population is left handed. You have to work harder to get a good statistical representation.

See, if you read me much, and you read what I write about the drivers in NJ, you could possibly deduce that every one who operates a motor vehicle in my lovely state is a complete moron. But despite that fact that 9 out of 10 NJ motorists I encounter happen to be moronic, that's just not a valid sample.

So what else could be concluded by those statistics?

Simple!

I'm a moron magnet.

People with half a brain just find me when we're behind the wheels of our respective motor vehicles at the same time.

Today, I drove home after dark. I was absolutely alone on one particular road, with not another car in sight. I approached an intersection and there was a car stopped on the street to my right. As I closed to within maybe 40 feet of the intersection, this guy decided to bolt out, and make a right turn directly in front of me. I had to brake quite hard. And then he proceeded to drive at least 10 mph below the speed limit. Now I know my headlights were on, and I don't drive an invisible car, so...

MORON!

A little later on, on a different road, I wound up behind a woman driving a large SUV. She came to almost a full stop at every green light. Then, the one light that was yellow, she blows through without so much as tapping the brake pedal. No explanation for this other than...

MORON!

And the last treat before I reached my own street was riding behind another superstar. At Street 1, he turned on his left turn signal, slowed, and then continued straight on. At Street 2, same thing. Left turn signal goes on, he slows, but continues straight. Street 3, he flips on the left signal, and makes a right... yeah, you guessed it:

MORON!

K., I refrain from swearing in here out of respect for ya, but I did say a bad word in the car. Sorry.

So remember this the next time someone quotes a statistic.

The Mind Is Shot...

I have been trying to write tonight. I find it very relaxing after a long week to try and come up with something clever or funny or interesting. But it's not working tonight, and that's because something is nagging at me from the back of my mind. So I'm not going to fight it. I'm going to put it out here, and maybe get some helpful feedback in the process.

There have been a number of instances in the last 2 weeks where the topic of my choice of friends has been touched upon by others. See, the way it has worked out in my life, my closest friends have always been women. It wasn't necessarily a conscious decision, it's just how it developed. I like my friends, and they just happen to not be males. Is that horrible or unusual or weird? I ask that because my choices have always been questioned, and there's always been an intimation that there absolutely has to be an ulterior motive at work in those friendships.

And in these last 2 weeks in particular, the frustration has really gotten to me. I've been friends with one of my best friends for over 15 years. And when her name comes up with people familiar with that friendship, it's always as if I'm being asked, "so, have you slept with her yet?"

It drives me nuts. Partly because I've had it up to "here" with Puritanical notions such as "men and women can't be friends", and partly because in the act of defending those friendships, you wind up sounding as if you're full of it.

I have some select friends that I love so much. I would die for these women, and I love them intensely, but I'm not "in love" with them. I find them to be fascinating, compassionate, generous with their time and attention. I love to listen to them talk, and I love how they listen when I talk.

But see what I mean? My explanation sounds like a load of crap.

And I normally wouldn't even bother explaining it. The women I'm friends with know me, trust me and love me right back, but I'm so sick of questions, innuendo, and blatant accusations. They've piled up the last two weeks, and I'm tired of it.

Out of all the women I've been friends with in the last 30 years, I've slept with exactly 0. (Well that's not entirely true; I've slept with a couple, because maybe we were watching a movie and dozed off.) Conversely, some women that I did date first are now among those close friends after we decided that romance wasn't our destiny. In fact, going back to when I was 17, I'm friends to this day with every girlfriend I had.

I dunno. I've just had it this week. My friends read this, so, guys, I love you, ok? Even if you are women.

Next time, we'll talk about how these women get away with bossing me around. (I'm trying to go out on a lighter note, ok?)

The Debate Team

A thousand years ago when I was in college, I decided to give a class on Public Debate a try. I figured we'd argue a few topics, have some fun, and get an easy "A".

I got a surprise. One of the exercises involved an interesting tactic. The idea was, that it's pretty easy to give an argument in favor of something one believes in. Debating the Iraq war would be a simple thing to decide: you are either in favor of, or against, the War, and you could take a side and debate the issue.

But what this exercise required was to take a topic and debate it convincingly, but take the side of the argument that you weren't in favor of. So if I was against the War in this instance, I would have to take the pro-War stance and debate it based strictly on the facts of
someone who wanted the war to continue.

So consider this:
We've pretty much all come to agreement that prohibiting someone from working a job of their choice simply because they happened to be obese. We wouldn't tolerate it, no matter what, correct?

So if we can't stop someone from getting work because of being too heavy, should we be able to fire someone from their job because he or she is too thin?

Hmmm

I think I heard something a little disturbing today. The radio show held a spelling bee for kids middle-school age and older. The show is based in New York City.

The kids ran into some problems. The first contestant went down on the word "magazine", which she spelled "m-a-g-i-z-o-n-e". Another kid went out on the word "sandwich", which (say those 2 words together a couple of times) he spelled "s-a-n-d-w-h-i-c-h".

It bothered me at first, but then I thought about it. What's the big deal? English is on the verge of morphing into a new language anyway. And the way society is today, we don't feel the need to correct such minor details as spelling and grammar, because of the "self esteem" issues, right? I figure, eventually we'll all feel so good about ourselves that we won't worry that we can barely communicate those good feelings to each other.

But hey, from hear on in I'm not worrying about minor details such as spelling and grammar in my work. Your definately gonna have to adjust some to my new style, but supposably it don't take to long to get used to new things n e way. U might need a little more tyme to figure out what I'm sayin know what I'm sayin? we can skip the petty stuff, cause after all, its all about me, right? I like to right usually about three or for paragraphs, so its not like u have to spend to much time workin thru my blog, know what I'm sayin? This is me keepin it real hear cause I gotta follow my dreamz.

N e way, I figger thats all i have to say now. Your all prolly gonna wanna leave ur opinions here an maybe say somethin bout my new style. So go write ahead and lemme have them comments, k?

It Happens To Us All...

So you know we all do it, both men and women: we spot someone we find attractive somewhere in public, and maybe we take an extra moment to enjoy looking at them. (Oh you know you do, too.)

But then it happens, and it happens time and again. Someone steps into your line of vision, blocking the few of your momentary infatuation, and that "someone" is always someone nasty. It just ruins the whole moment.

HOUSE PARTY!!!!!!!!!

Ahh, New Year's Eve...Amateur Night Round The World!

When you get to be a parent, the New Year's Eve rules can change a little bit. You really can't go out raging, 'cause it's really hard to find a babysitter who's willing to spend the next three days at your house for $2 an hour. So you oftentimes find yourself at "The House Party" with other parents for the evening.

If you're lucky, you already know everyone, so you can skip all the "so what do you do for a living?" type of conversations. So it was good that it worked out that way last night, 'cause I hate having to tell strangers that I'm a mob hit man.

It wasn't all good, of course. One of the kids showed up one of those Nintendo Wii things, with all its loud noises, crazy hand motions, and all. Brat wouldn't let me have a turn no matter what.

But I got past that.

You have to be on top of your game when you go to a "House Party". In case you haven't done one yet, there's always next year, and here are some tips to make sure you get it right:

Get your seat scouted out right away. Find a comfy couch, and make sure it's not near someone who's already blotto'd when you get there.

Get the remote, tune it immediately to Dick Clark's show, and then toss the remote out the window. Come midnight, no one will be in any shape to start looking for it.

Keep your ear tuned to the hosts voices, so that you hear them right away when they announce "time to eat". Otherwise you'll wind up being 183rd in line and all the good stuff will be gone by the time it's your turn.

And speaking of "good stuff", if you're up at the front of the food line, and you spot something good, immediately put the cover back on that tray. Chances are, no one will uncover it too quickly, and there will be some left if you want seconds. Leave the cover off when you take the second helping, because it's not likely you'll get away with that again.

Another "food tip"- try and taste things before you commit. It's very difficult to discreetly get rid of something yucky with all those people around.

DRINKS! Be sure to grab two of what you're drinking. This will lower the risk that someone will grab your seat when you're off getting more. But don't grab more than two; this will increase the odds that nature will call, and you'll come back to find someone sitting in your seat.

I do like house parties though. There's so much less pressure, you don't generally need bouncers, and it's just more comfortable. Ever notice, though, when you stand up and say "anyone need anything?", everyone says "yes"? I've gotten so good at being a Stupid, though, that people tend to avoid asking me to do anything to help.

Being around other people's kids will do one of two things...you'll either realize how good your kids really are, or, you'll need to make "be a better parent" one of your New Year's resolutions. It's cool if the kids all get along, though. Leaves you to have some fun of your own, and watch Dick Clark, too.

I just hate one thing though. No matter what I do, it seems every year, at the end of the night, the old car keys are gone. Don't know how or why it happens, it just does.

And see, at the House Party, the rules are again different. If you're out raging at some club and you come up keyless, might as well just call a cab, 'cause no one will care, and no one will help you find them. It's just not worth it.

But at the house party, it goes a little different. Someone will notice you looking, ask what you're looking for, and begin to help. Then someone else will notice and join in, and so on. Soon you've invented a new party game, "Find The Loser's Keys". But it can lead to trouble, because inevitably the questions come:

"Are you sure you had them with you?"
yeah, I can't hotwire my car

"Where did you put them last?"
I'm positive I put them right next to your brain, so I guess it's a lost cause

I hate starting the new year with a fist fight.

Nah, I'm just being stupid as usual. I really did have a great time last night. I mean I really wish I could have played with the Wii thing (ha, THERE'S a loaded statement) but overall it was great. My friends and I are all really good at whipping up some serious chow, and plenty of it. The hosts are the best. I asked them if I could put there address here so y'all could come next year, but they said no. I'll work on that.

I hope everyone has a fun, happy and prosperous New Year. Next year, party's at my place, ok?