Friday, January 12, 2007

The Mind Is Shot...

I have been trying to write tonight. I find it very relaxing after a long week to try and come up with something clever or funny or interesting. But it's not working tonight, and that's because something is nagging at me from the back of my mind. So I'm not going to fight it. I'm going to put it out here, and maybe get some helpful feedback in the process.

There have been a number of instances in the last 2 weeks where the topic of my choice of friends has been touched upon by others. See, the way it has worked out in my life, my closest friends have always been women. It wasn't necessarily a conscious decision, it's just how it developed. I like my friends, and they just happen to not be males. Is that horrible or unusual or weird? I ask that because my choices have always been questioned, and there's always been an intimation that there absolutely has to be an ulterior motive at work in those friendships.

And in these last 2 weeks in particular, the frustration has really gotten to me. I've been friends with one of my best friends for over 15 years. And when her name comes up with people familiar with that friendship, it's always as if I'm being asked, "so, have you slept with her yet?"

It drives me nuts. Partly because I've had it up to "here" with Puritanical notions such as "men and women can't be friends", and partly because in the act of defending those friendships, you wind up sounding as if you're full of it.

I have some select friends that I love so much. I would die for these women, and I love them intensely, but I'm not "in love" with them. I find them to be fascinating, compassionate, generous with their time and attention. I love to listen to them talk, and I love how they listen when I talk.

But see what I mean? My explanation sounds like a load of crap.

And I normally wouldn't even bother explaining it. The women I'm friends with know me, trust me and love me right back, but I'm so sick of questions, innuendo, and blatant accusations. They've piled up the last two weeks, and I'm tired of it.

Out of all the women I've been friends with in the last 30 years, I've slept with exactly 0. (Well that's not entirely true; I've slept with a couple, because maybe we were watching a movie and dozed off.) Conversely, some women that I did date first are now among those close friends after we decided that romance wasn't our destiny. In fact, going back to when I was 17, I'm friends to this day with every girlfriend I had.

I dunno. I've just had it this week. My friends read this, so, guys, I love you, ok? Even if you are women.

Next time, we'll talk about how these women get away with bossing me around. (I'm trying to go out on a lighter note, ok?)


  1. Anonymous1:30 AM

    I know how you feel. I am a very much married female and have more male friends than female. I grew up hanging out with my Dad and uncles as much as possible and that is probably why I have guy friends that I love and trust. My husband has learned to accept this and trust that it is just friendship and I don't care what others think.Friends are people you like, doesn't matter what gender, race, religion etc .There are always going to be people that look for something to gossip about and I refuse to live my life according to what others think I should do.

  2. Anonymous1:10 PM's a society thing. Unfortunately we often are faced with people's insensitive comments when we don't fit in with the norm. Sorry you have to deal with this, but at least you have some wonderful friends...and that's a very good thing.


  3. I soooooooo understand where you are coming from. I've been friends with a few guys from my HS & even neighborhood friends & still hang out with them. I prefer to hang out with the guys b/c they are not needy or competitive. The past few years when hanging out with women friends all they want to do is go after men, that IS their main goal, to find a date for Saturday night. I, on the other hand, rather have a good time with guys then to hang out with women who feel insecure & NEED a date.
    I am getting sick of the comments that people say that don't understand that men & women can be JUST friends!

  4. I have a guy friend that has been so great in my life I can't imagine him not being in it. He got married this past summer (first marriages for both and they've known each other for almost 40 years...) and all my friends were SAD for ME!! Why, I asked?? Their answer? Because he is getting married... won't you miss him? Heck no! We'll still hang out together! Nothing has changed between us, except we are even closer friends.... and his wife? She is cool with the whole thing! It's never the three of us... it's just my friend and me.... And no, we've never slept together and we were room-mates for a few years. Seperate rooms, seperate beds. It can be done....

    And I'm like you, I'm tired of everyone thinking there has to be sex involved between two people...

  5. Anonymous8:45 PM

    Jimmy, I go thru the same thing regarding my best friend Joey. Everyone that I've ever dated, including my ex husband, could understand how it is that we could be just friends without the sexual feeling. Even my readers of my journal, have commented and emailed many times that they think that Joey and I should marry. It ain't gonna happen and nobody can understand it. I get so tired of having to explain it. Thanks for writing makes me feel less strange because I can have a "male friend." You're a good guy!


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