2007 Again

2007 is shaping up to be the "Year of Real" for me, and in a big hurry, too. I have a lot of tough decisions to make, ones I'm not too happy about having to face.

So, what do I do, whine on and on about it?

My friends have always "told it like it is". That's not a bad thing at all. In one way or another, each and every one of them has offered good, solid advice at one point in my life or another.

"Want to not be fat anymore? Lose weight, real simple."

"Not having any luck with women? Stop trying to be with people who aren't attracted to you."

I remember a girl telling me "You'd be pretty cute if you weren't so heavy." I'll bet that if you somehow located this woman now, she'd probably not even remember my name, and probably a little surprised at the profound effect one sentence had on my life.

I figured it out. I loved cheeseburgers and sitting around watching TV. But I loved the attention of the opposite sex a whole lot more. And the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to eat less, eat better, and exercise. E-X-E-R-C-I-S-E. It wasn't easy, and it took a long time. I never really attained the "perfect body" I'd always hoped for, but Version B was a lot better than Version A. No matter how much I wanted to delude myself, girls simply didn't pay attention to big, fat boys.

Same holds true all these years later. My friends and I were having one of those social debates about "men are pigs, they're only interested in a woman's hot body" and I called "bullshit". I said "If you had to make a choice between sex with John Candy or sex with Brad Pitt, who would you pick?" (hey it was a few years ago, but the point is made). We all want to be hot. There are billions and billions of dollars stuffed into the coffers of the diet and fitness companies; somebody is paying to lose weight and become fit.

It's hard to be fit and trim. Some folks face the facts, and do something about it, and others don't. We try and rationalize, we try to change the mindset of those around us, but we can't change everything, and some things are always going to be true whether we like it or not.

Someone wrote a book on blogging, titled "No One Cares What You Had For Breakfast", and I think it's true. Oh, we may lend a few words of encouragement, we may commiserate, and offer support, but we have our own things to deal with. And no one is out there waiting, day after day, to fix our problems.

Our parents are obligated to care for us, nurture us, and tend to our needs. But as we come into adulthood, we must learn to fend for ourselves. A great many people accept that. It's what helps us to grow up and become well-adjusted adults. As grown-ups, no one is obligated to cater to our every whim. Again, a great many people accept that and work with it. We get along.

Of course, there are those who don't accept these notions. We know them as "needy" and "demanding". They're trouble. Day after day, they confront us with their latest drama, telling us how their "needs aren't being met". I personally believe that the biggest source of unhappiness is unrealistic expectations. Other people are not responsible for our happiness. My take is, when it comes to relationships at least, that if you're needs are being met, you've either got to reevaluate those needs, or grow up, suck it up, accept it and move on.

I have to deal with my own problems, just like you. While I'd love to say "fix it for me", I know that's not realistic. It's going to be up to me to figure it out. I mean there's nothing wrong with a friend lending a hand, it's not right for me to expect it from others. I think we have bred a whole subculture that is engrained with a deluded sense of entitlement, and I don't intend to be counted among them. A great many people are raising children as though they were royalty, rather than preparing them to be responsible adults. Again, I don't want to be counted among them.

I carry on occasionally about people who don't accept responsibility for their own actions. You know the type: they commit atrocious acts against others but then claim to be the victim themselves. I don't buy it, plain and simple. Again, I think it's indicative of our willingness to rationalize and defend even the worst behavior. I can't sit and complain about this nonsense with other people if I don't take responsibility for my own life, right?


People care. People sympathize. But no one is responsible for me. It's time to take a deep breath and start doing what I have to. It's called "being a grown-up".