Saturday, January 13, 2007

2007 Again

2007 is shaping up to be the "Year of Real" for me, and in a big hurry, too. I have a lot of tough decisions to make, ones I'm not too happy about having to face.

So, what do I do, whine on and on about it?

My friends have always "told it like it is". That's not a bad thing at all. In one way or another, each and every one of them has offered good, solid advice at one point in my life or another.

"Want to not be fat anymore? Lose weight, real simple."

"Not having any luck with women? Stop trying to be with people who aren't attracted to you."

I remember a girl telling me "You'd be pretty cute if you weren't so heavy." I'll bet that if you somehow located this woman now, she'd probably not even remember my name, and probably a little surprised at the profound effect one sentence had on my life.

I figured it out. I loved cheeseburgers and sitting around watching TV. But I loved the attention of the opposite sex a whole lot more. And the only way to lose weight and keep it off is to eat less, eat better, and exercise. E-X-E-R-C-I-S-E. It wasn't easy, and it took a long time. I never really attained the "perfect body" I'd always hoped for, but Version B was a lot better than Version A. No matter how much I wanted to delude myself, girls simply didn't pay attention to big, fat boys.

Same holds true all these years later. My friends and I were having one of those social debates about "men are pigs, they're only interested in a woman's hot body" and I called "bullshit". I said "If you had to make a choice between sex with John Candy or sex with Brad Pitt, who would you pick?" (hey it was a few years ago, but the point is made). We all want to be hot. There are billions and billions of dollars stuffed into the coffers of the diet and fitness companies; somebody is paying to lose weight and become fit.

It's hard to be fit and trim. Some folks face the facts, and do something about it, and others don't. We try and rationalize, we try to change the mindset of those around us, but we can't change everything, and some things are always going to be true whether we like it or not.

Someone wrote a book on blogging, titled "No One Cares What You Had For Breakfast", and I think it's true. Oh, we may lend a few words of encouragement, we may commiserate, and offer support, but we have our own things to deal with. And no one is out there waiting, day after day, to fix our problems.

Our parents are obligated to care for us, nurture us, and tend to our needs. But as we come into adulthood, we must learn to fend for ourselves. A great many people accept that. It's what helps us to grow up and become well-adjusted adults. As grown-ups, no one is obligated to cater to our every whim. Again, a great many people accept that and work with it. We get along.

Of course, there are those who don't accept these notions. We know them as "needy" and "demanding". They're trouble. Day after day, they confront us with their latest drama, telling us how their "needs aren't being met". I personally believe that the biggest source of unhappiness is unrealistic expectations. Other people are not responsible for our happiness. My take is, when it comes to relationships at least, that if you're needs are being met, you've either got to reevaluate those needs, or grow up, suck it up, accept it and move on.

I have to deal with my own problems, just like you. While I'd love to say "fix it for me", I know that's not realistic. It's going to be up to me to figure it out. I mean there's nothing wrong with a friend lending a hand, it's not right for me to expect it from others. I think we have bred a whole subculture that is engrained with a deluded sense of entitlement, and I don't intend to be counted among them. A great many people are raising children as though they were royalty, rather than preparing them to be responsible adults. Again, I don't want to be counted among them.

I carry on occasionally about people who don't accept responsibility for their own actions. You know the type: they commit atrocious acts against others but then claim to be the victim themselves. I don't buy it, plain and simple. Again, I think it's indicative of our willingness to rationalize and defend even the worst behavior. I can't sit and complain about this nonsense with other people if I don't take responsibility for my own life, right?


People care. People sympathize. But no one is responsible for me. It's time to take a deep breath and start doing what I have to. It's called "being a grown-up".

10 comments:

  1. Anonymous10:09 AM

    Hey!! What's the matter with being demanding??? lol I have met plenty of "victim" personalities....my experience with them is they would rather die than give up that role. In the beginning I wanted to help..then later I found out they really didn't want help they just wanted to whine.not fix it themselves, not let anyone else fix it, they just wanted to whine and get by on sympathy..I had to walk away from all the victims..I'm a fixer and I don't understand the ones that want to live their lives as victims.

    I also have a 'Line" or two that was spoken to me as a child that stuck with me forever..."You are nothing and that is all you will ever be" and one was about a boy that I was told I wasn't pretty enough to hold on to him...painfull words to a young psyche...just made me more determined to prove my tormenter wrong...How do you like me now!!!!! lol lol lol
    Kimberleigh AKA Demandnlilchit ;)

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  2. Anonymous11:00 AM

    Great thoughts here, Jimmy...but you seemed to have left out what you are looking to accomplish for yourself. What is it that you don't need (or rely upon) others for? If you meant to be vague, so be it. I, for one, do care...and would be interested in knowing what some of your inner battles might be.
    Take care my friend.

    With a hug,
    Nancy

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  3. Anonymous2:04 PM

    All that thinking is gonna give you premature creases, ya' Nutbucket.

    ps: Everybody has that "Line". Mine was dropped in the 6th grade girls bathroom. The gist was "you've got the ugliest face I've ever seen." That one took awhile, but I am happy to report I'm over it. (mostly...)

    andi

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  4. It is incredibly human to make motions toward taking full responsibility for oneself, while trying at every turn to get the other guy to do it. Although you make many salient points, I find them descriptive of persons a bit too perfect to my liking. Give me a flawed homo sapien anyday, he is far more likely to have terrors I can rush in to soothe, thereby making me the hero of the day, which is all any of us wants anyway, I believe.

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  5. People used to ask my friends if I was anorexic or bulemic.....that made me very self-concious. (I almost wish they'd ask that now, as I am not as skinny as I used to be).

    Yes, there are a lot of victims in the world. Problem is we as a society are accepting their bullcrap sob stories and are becoming softies......people are getting away with murder (literally).

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  6. Great entry Jimmy. Sometimes, picking ourselves up by the bootstraps and remembering that we have to do adult things, and conduct ourselves like adults is tough. Part of us wants to revert back to the feeling of being a child. And we can't. We have to play the adult role, especially if we have kids of our own to set an example to. We teach them how to be adults by our own example. Sometimes I look back at my own parents and realize I didn't have very good role models in that area at times. Other times they were great. Hey, they were human. Like we are.
    I enjoyed reading this entry as I do all of your entries.
    Have a good night.
    Pam

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  7. You are describing my daughter's and I raised them to be responsible, independent women but it did not take. They seek enablers.

    Good luck in 2007!

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  8. Oh Jimmy!
    If we didn't have people in the world that needed someone to make them happy, we wouldn't have shows like Jerry Springer!

    On a serious note, you are so right especially the kids that are being raised as royality. That just gets me going! Those kids usually don't have respect for much of anything. Won't it be a disappoint when they learn (the hard way) they are nothing more than commoners.

    Yes, I've had people say all kinds of nasty things about me. And to me. It does hurt and they probably have not even realized they had any affect on us. I think they are lucky they knew me in order to say them! People can be cruel.

    Jackie

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  9. Anonymous12:20 PM

    Hear! Hear! Sadly though, I think most of us agree with everything you said. Very few of us will see ourselves with that victim mantality or even that sense of entitlement.
    By the way, I am happy. And that has nothing to do with anyone else. I love my family, but I don't look to them for happiness or to correct my problems. I depend on me. And I pray that I've instilled that in my kids.
    Jude
    http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay
    P.S.: There does come a time in one's life when he/she has to ask for help. When that happens, remember others, too. I might not be able to make the victim into the victor, but I can step in occasionally and buy dinner. Others have done it for me.

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  10. Anonymous8:11 PM

    You mean to tell me I have to take responsibility for my own actions? No! Imagine that!

    Great thought provoking entry.

    Sharlene

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