Saturday, October 25, 2008

How To Not Feel Badly...

I don't know where I heard it, but someone said, "Just because there are so many people far worse off than you, doesn't mean your pain doesn't count." To me, that's such a great quote.

We've got this whole thing going on in our society these days, where someone is always telling us that we shouldn't feel badly because somewhere, someone is suffering so much more than we. And others tell us that we should spend no time dealing with the things that are bad in our lives, in essence, get over it and move on.

I will agree, 100%, that dwelling on problems isn't the most productive way to live. When it comes to things that we have no control over, it's probably best not to ponder them too long. I'll give you that. But the impression I get from some people is that they consider feeling badly, being upset over things that go wrong, is somehow selfish or greedy bahavior.

We work with superstition and beliefs, telling a bride that rain on the wedding day is "good luck", for example. There is nothing wrong with being encouraging and supportive. Nothing at all. But treating someone's feelings as if they're doing something wrong by hurting, well I don't always see that as constructive.

Yes, some people are never happy. If life isnt 100% perfect, they're miserable. That's not a realistic view of life, and that's not a healthy disposition. But sometimes, things do happen to people, things they may not be able to control, and the hurt they feel is very real. Are we doing them a service by telling them something like, "Oh you have so many things to be thankful for, get over it."?

I think it's sort of wrong to condemn someone for hurting. Bad things sometimes happen to good people. I think that feeling badly, being upset, is a natural reaction. I don't think that having most of one's ducks in a row should render one immune to pain. I believe we should be supportive of those who are dealing with crises, and not be too quick to dismiss what it is that is causing them pain and sadness just because most everything else is in order. No one should be made to feel inadequate or selfish because they succumb to bad feelings now and then.

Again, I'm not advocating the behavior of those who never seem to be happy. In truth, there are those who make a career out of being in the dumps. A pity-party regular, so to speak. But now and then I think everyone is entitled to hurt. Life isn't perfect, and we shouldn't expect it to be. But to me, it's not wrong to hurt occasionally.

What do you think?


  1. I won't mess with a good thing here (by trying to throw in 10 extra cents), but I will say I believe this entry is wise, filled with sage advice and the truth of the reality we call life.

    Well done,

  2. I agree with you totally. And as the previous commenter said... very wisely said!

  3. I think you've said all there is to say on this topic perfectly! :-)

  4. Its weird, while I agree with all that you say, I prefer to ignore stuff....I'm one of those who falls off and gets back up. I tend to consiously give myself a time out to feel period and then the rule is to shut it off. Broken heart...3 days....broken leg...3 minutes..... I think what happened was that for a long time I felt things so intensely tha I had to find a way to cope. I guess whatever works for us is ok. As far as others go, I applaud the outbursts of almost all emotions. Emotions are good for us. Even the so called bad ones. No pleasure...

  5. I think you are right. Everyone goes through things that seem to require a pity-party. Those people that are not used to it seem to be able to pull themselves out within reasonable time. And, they don't like being in a real funk.

    But sometimes, you just gotta be down. That's life, isn't it??


  6. I agree with you. Feeling sad, mad or unhappy about our situation is a good thing. It's what keeps us going.

  7. Great entry! we should be able to FEEL all our emotions, not just happy all the time. Life isn't like that. hugz~kbear

  8. My dispostion is that the glass is half full, and to find the silver lining in any and all clouds. Nice entry, and be positive.

  9. The thing about coming in on the tail end of everyone else's comments...they said it for me. Thank you for that quote hon. I just ended up posting in my own journal, I'm not always dark...but I have a right to the balance that we call life. There is an equal measure of good with the bad. (Hugs)Indigo

  10. Hurting is part of healing. I think it's natural....and we're all going to feel pain now and again. It's part of life. There'd be no personal growth if we weren't tested and tried.

    I can appreciate the happier times because I've had to experience the sadder ones.

  11. I agree. No one should be told that they shouldn't hurt because someone else hurts worse. There is no reason to completely discount someone and their feelings that way.

  12. First of all, whether or not it is me that were quoting there, I often say just that. It's a bit of a mantra for me...especially to others.
    There isn't much I can say about what you wrote other than I agree 100 percent from beginning to end.

    Now quit your damn whining. You think YOU got it bad?

    ; )


  13. You know, everyone is entitled to their feelings and emotions and just because some people can't relate to your problems doesn't mean those problems aren't important ones at least to you. What bothers me tremendously may not even make you bat an eyelash. Everyone is different, everyone has a different perspective for everything. No one's feelings should ever be discounted.

  14. I think you sometimes have to feel really crappy to really feel the happiness. :)

    I also think sometimes people are quick to dismiss your feelings because they do not know what to say or don't want to feel badly themselves.


  15. Great post. It seems to me that pain is what shapes us and makes us who we are. Taking time to feel it is how we allow ourselves to be molded. Continuing to move forward and eventually rise out of the pain is what enables us to share what we've become and perhaps have a hand in shaping others.

  16. Thank you for writing that. I feel like so many people have been telling me to get over it since I got my last really bad job. "It could be worse." "You should be thankful you even have a job, the way things are most people would be thankful to even have one." Like somehow that was supposed to make my job better, the way my boss treated me more tolerable.

    I've always felt like people dismissed my feelings when it wasn't something they could understand. If they couldn't understand it, why would it upset me, I couldn't really feel that way.

    Really needed to hear someone say this right now. Thanks Jimmy :o)


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