Monday, November 19, 2007

In A Pinch

In the past year, I've learned a thing or two about responding to emergencies. Thank God there are some very sensible ways to handle real-life situations, because in the world of "quick-fixes", I must be in the wrong solar system.

There are way too many products that have failed me in a pinch. Too many times, these things didn't come through when I needed them most.

I have never fixed anything with Krazy Glue. I'm sure if I managed to snap a balsa wood board in half, this product would do just fine. I'm reminded of a long-ago Christmas night, trying to desperately repair a broken toy using this stuff. The only things it stuck together were 4 things I didn't need it to. Luckily, my ski gloves were mittens that night.

Anbesol, Ora-Gel, same thing. No luck, no relief. After using those, I had a numb tongue to go with my still-aching tooth. I think there should be some sort of study to figure out why toothaches only happen at 2 AM, and on holidays.

Similarly, I can remember using this goop designed to act as a temporary filling. Picture a toothache accompanied by a mouth full of Play-Doh. At 2 AM. On Christmas.

AOL. I was a paying customer for years. I'm not sure why. Every time I had to bang out a late-night email to save the day, thanks to America Online, the day was not saved.

And who among us hasn't desperately hoped against hope that that the Emergency Tire Repair in-a-can would come through. Yeah it came through: right through the nozzle and all over the pavement. And my hands. It did get the Krazy Glue loose, though.

My most recent debacle was using one of these on-the-spot Spot removers, be it Tide To Go or whatever. This product transformed a spot of tomato sauce on my shirt into a glaring announcement: "This nitwit needs a bib."

If you've had success with any of the above, I applaud your good fortune. But I'll bet there are more than a few like me out there. We're easy to spot: we're the guy driving down the street on a flat tire, with a big stain on our shirt, and one eye in a permanent wink, moaning from tooth pain, and holding something broken.

Wave when you see us.


  1. Funny slices of life.
    Well, least YOUR life.

  2. Anne/ksquester11:43 PM

    Sorry to chuckle at your life......but it was funny. Just remember, do NOT get your Krazy Glue and hemerroid cream mixed up. You crazy thing! Anne

  3. Anonymous11:47 PM

    Anne's right you're too funny! hope you have a great Thanksgiving if you need a change of scenery, check out my recent pics posted at my journal happy to hear from you hugz~kbear

  4. hmm, new template...nice!

  5. Anonymous11:49 PM

    I love you Stupid because you make me laugh even when noone else can.

    :) Stacy

  6. Hi Jimmy,
    I guess we've all had our experiences with products that fail to live up to expectations. In my case it was "Seamonkeys," those loveable creatures that are supposed to hatch in your fishbowl and grow into a veritable barrel of underwater monkeys. All I seemed able to produce were tiny white specs that grew into repulsive, miniature shrimp.

  7. Anonymous4:50 AM

    OMG Jimmy you had me laughing at this one! You haven't lost your sense of humor one bit!! "one eye in a permanent wink" HAHAHA!!
    Thanks for the Bday was a lovely surprise!

  8. Anonymous4:58 AM

    Haha Jimmy, sounds like you just described my husband lol!!! You made me laugh big time and I could visualise it all!!!Hope all is well with you, love Joan

  9. Gaboatman6:39 AM

    I know what you mean about all dental emergencies happening at odd hours on holidays! I got a chcuckle out of this post because it sounds like me, too! A one eyed permanent wink right back at you!

  10. Anonymous7:04 AM

    :) Thanks for the smiles today Jimmy they were needed... :::waving:: LOL

  11. OMG!! Your entry had me lauaghing. Thanks for the early morning picker uper! I've experienced some of those not so good quick fixes that don't work! Enjoy your holiday.

  12. Anonymous8:14 AM

    I was literally lol'ing...outloud! You are too funny! Been there, done that.
    xoxo ~Myra

  13. Anonymous8:41 AM

    I am lazy...I fix everything with super glue : )

    I love the bleach pen thingy....but I only use it right before something goes in the washer.
    Have a great holiday!!


  14. gdireneoe@aol.com12:15 PM

    Oh man...I'm sitting here, at the library (my computer...don't EVEN get me started on THAT one...)...laughing my tush off! Love your humour/presentation! Just grumpy enough to be "curmudgeon-ish", and too witty to be truly curmudgeon. Thanks for the giggles. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving! ;) C.

  15. I once ordered somehting off the TV...after watching an infomercial...and it did not make my hair look the way it promised...
    Quick fixes don't work

  16. I've never used any of those. And I think I'll keep it that way.

  17. I can't figure out if I'm chuckling because it's true, or because I've been there. Probably both! (Hugs) Indigo
    In a side note, the word verification for me today to post in your journal is curse. Lol, I hope not! Indy

  18. Anonymous8:20 PM

    Oh Jimmy! I'm so glad I followed your link tonight! I really needed a good laugh! Take care and have a great Thanksgiving!

    Jackie aka Bamawmn

  19. linda (sangrialel)8:50 PM

    I don't seem to have any luck with those sort of things either!! Linda


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