OK I'm Giving It Up

I'm coming forth with this information at great personal risk, but it's important to me because it illustrates a point that I've been trying to make for a long time.

A little background, really quick:
I've been on disability for 6 months due to a number of concurrent injuries. I say that because I have been waiting for a long time to use the word "concurrent" in an entry. It just makes me feel smart for the day.
Anyway, during that time, I enlisted the aid of my Platinum Cable package to help entertain me. 3129007787632 channels. Yayyy. I have watched every movie ever filmed. Then I resorted to network shows for 8 or 10 minutes. Daytime TV has got to be on the list of major causes of suicide in this country, but I'll get back to you on that.

So, in my search for some entertainment, I found a couple of sitcoms that I've grown to enjoy. And, yes, I found them on the Lifetime Channel. Yes. The Lifetime Channel.

Done?

Ok.

The shows are: "Still Standing" and "Reba". I'm sure they're all repeats, (I think "Reba" is still on the air somewhere else)

The reason I brought them up is that they both have stars who represent what I consider to be "beautiful women". With all the talk about "real beauty" that's been going on, I think three of these women fit that bill, and I won't get yelled at for liking them.

From Reba:

Joanna Garcia

She's 26, and from Tampa, FL originally. She has a beautiful face and smile, but she has a SHAPE! There are curves (and if you watch the show, you'll get a better idea than this one picture I found can show). She plays a new mother, and actually looks like her body might have given birth!
Ms Garcia probably wouldn't be flattered by this, but she looks like a woman, not a toothpick. Nice to see a face with some cheeks, too.

Also from Reba:

Reba McEntire

This is a pretty good representation of what I consider to be "real" pretty. She's got a beautiful smile, and once again, you can see her from all sides. I was always a big fan of her eyes. She looks like she could be beautiful in her blue jeans or an evening gown. Or sweats. Yayyy.

Then from the other show, "Still Standing", is another favorite of mine:

Jami Gertz

She's so great. She actually makes me laugh, too. Has some comedic talent worth noticing. But, at the risk of being repetitive, she's not likely to be hiding behind any drinking straws any time soon. She fills out her jeans nicely, and is occasionally seen in sweats.

So don't hate me because I think they're beautiful. Just watch the shows. See what I mean.

Now tell me who you like. See if you can rationalize as good as I can.

Mercy

A single father is at the mercy of a lot of people and a lot of businesses. Businesses are particularly merciless. And toy companies in particular particular.

Nasty rotten sons-a-you-know-whats.

They ship catalogues. Kids see catalogues. Kids pick things out of the catalogues. Daddy is very careful this year to make sure kids (under 10) get their letters to Santa done very early.

Kids put things from catalogues onto Santa Letters.

Sears Wishbook is specifically printed for Christmas shopping. Nothing more. They put it out to help daddies get the right presents for kiddos after daddies show Wishbook to kiddos to make their Wishlists up for Santa-Daddy.

Scum that runs Sears must have stocked only 1 of every item in Wishbook catalogue, because when Daddy in Question went to website, nice and early, they were out of stock on every single item that Daddy's 3 kids put on their wishlists.

It is November 28th. They are out of stock on nearly every item I looked up.

I hope that Sears goes into Chapter 7 Bankruptcy before Sears gets to print another Wishbook full of items that Sears advertises, but does not stock.

That's a horrible way to do business, particularly where single Daddies are concerned.

We love JC Penney.

JC Penney had every single item that Daddy was not able to find at Sears.com/toys. Daddy will never, ever, ever shop at Sears.com again.

They are mean.

They are grinches.

I really had to struggle with this entry. I learned that someone very respectable doesn't really care for foul language, and I tried really hard to keep this clean in the spirit of Christmas.

So Stupid will stick to not calling Sears and Co. all sorts of bad names.

But I still dislike them very much and I really look forward to them filing Chapter 7.

Not Merry Christmas to them.

4 Quarters = 1

Oh Lord...


Oh my LORD

Someone needs to take the NY Giants and teach them how to play

FOUR QUARTERS OF FOOTBALL PER GAME!

It looked like sandlot football out there today.

These are supposed to be PROFESSIONALS!

NoBay

So I'm kinda getting a kick out of all these Ebay auctions for Playstation 3 that are ending without ever getting a bid. Not sure why, I'm just likin' it a little.

The Life Of A Dog

Having spent some serious disability time the past 6 months, I got a good look at what it's like to be a dog.

The dog is loyal to a fault. To see a dog at work is to see 100% selflessness. This is a creature who wants to please, above all else. He lives for approval, thrives on the good feelings that come from doing the right thing. He puts everyone's needs above his own (with the exception of the occasional shoe to chew on).

A dog loves unconditionally. He greets you every time you walk through the door, whether you've been gone 5 minutes, 5 hours, or 5 days. You're the highlight of his world at the moment you enter. There is nothing more important than knowing you are pleased.

He asks little in return. A good meal, a little lovin' and some attention is all he needs to be happy (along with the chance to answer nature in the proper place, of course). He will lie at your feet quietly, until such time as you see fit to dish out a little love and affection, but will not demand either from you.

A dog knows his place, but is very happy to accept that place all the same. He knows how to love you, how to protect you. He wants nothing more for you to be happy, because when you are, he in turn is happy as well.

Maybe dogs aren't stupid at all.

I just wonder if it's too late to apply to be a dog.

Stand Out

I run into a little problem with a certain personality type. They're the ones who make a conscious decision to always be different, to not follow "the rules", to fly in the face of convention, but then sit and rage at the world for not allowing them to fit in.

You know the type, right? They live by such credos as "I don't need anyone to make me happy", "I don't change for anyone", "take me as I am". They pride themselves on "not taking shit from anyone", they list things like "bitch" on their personal resumes.

Then they sit back and rage at the world for not letting them fit in. Nobody wants them.

"Woe is me, nobody loves me"

Well, yeah, isn't that what you wanted?

Sorry, just had one of those exhausting conversations...

PSA (hey once in a while...)

If you're heading to the airport today to catch a flight for Thanksgiving, make your trip through security a little easier. Regarding the liquids you can carry on with your carry-on:

Remember 3-1-1
















You can read all the rules on the TSA website by clicking here

Hey, we do our part now and then, right?

A Little More...

These are some more things I got smacked for. Maybe you can get smacked too?

• Use your computer and printer to make up a really nice gift certificate to some made-up restaurant. Then give it to someone and see if they try to go.
• Or consider this: Bill and Mary really dislike Lou and Liz, and vice-versa. Send a Christmas card to Lou and Liz, and sign it from Bill and Mary. Then wait and see if Lou and Liz send one back. Do it on Christmas Eve to really freak everyone out. Cause if Lou and Liz do send one back, Bill and Mary will have to decide whether to send one back (because they never sent one to begin with...you did)

Miserable-itis

I take medicine when I need it.

I eat fruit and vegetables.

I don't self-diagnose illnesses. That's not only dangerous to me, it can hurt a lot of those around me if I'm wrong and spread something awful.

I'm still not amazed by things like cell-phone prices, salads or pop tunes. I figure when my brain gets to the point where it's that easily "amazed", I'll cash in that "get a life" coupon.

I think it's a great testimony to the US when you see people in various countries around the world lining up for days to get food to feed their families, and in this country you see people lining up for days to get a PlayStation 3.

D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y

Comment Commentary 2

I love when I hit the "message boards" or "forums" on the net. Typically, you'll have an article, and then the invitation to add commentary, opinion, etc. Usually, by the time you scan through to the last comment, the discussion has spiraled downward to the point that the "commentary" has absolutely nothing to do with the original article.

Typically, you'll see visits from the following characters:

• Beautifully Unaware- this person has posted something, and you'd swear they meant to comment somewhere else, because there is nothing remotely connected to the content of the article in their comment. They should leave their address so that others can mail them a clue.
• Zealot- these folks are the best. They will introduce religion into any discussion there is on the web. Scan through forums and boards...you're guaranteed to find at least once. One major characteristic of the Zealot is that they usually post the most hateful drivel, all under the guise of religion.
• 28 Time Loser- 28 years to get out of grammar school, and they still can't compose a complete, grammatically correct sentence. Reading their comments can actually be painful to anyone with an IQ above 9
• Sorry Idiot- this type you just can't help. They make the most inane comments in that they either didn't read the article at all, or they left their mind in the previous century. For example: I once read a story by a woman who described waking up in her apartment, realizing it was on fire, and barely escaping with her life. She noted that she had to flee into the night, clad only in her flannel pajamas. The SI left the following comment: "Ooh, I love flannel pajamas". 'Nuff said.
• Lifer- no, not "Right To Lifer", LIFER. I call them that because there are millions and millions of 'em out there. Go to any message board and scan the comments. You will find at least one instance of someone telling anyone who doesn't agree with his point of view to "get a life". They write it, sign off, and go eat Twinkies.

and of course, no discussion would be complete without mentioning The Pontificator.

• This person scans the responses of others, looking for even the most mundane error, so that they can jump all over someone else's mistake, and drone on and on, just because they happened to catch the right information on Entertainment Tonight. OK so you're an expert on Angelina Jolie's eating habits. Pin a medal on your ass and shaddap.

Oh and speaking of painful... I found this gem of a comment tonight. Read it and weep

man shit dis is bull shit u know kevin needs to try to work it out wit his baby mom. britney is a cool gurl u know kevin ani't shit of coures he made her happy for a good min but then he got into the fame and stop bein a farther to his kids i know someone not to say names (kevin ) said dat his dad was never around and he won'ts to be a good farther. bull shit wat the fuck is he doin wit his kids they are going to grow up wit out a dad just like he did. look how he turn out u get my point right they need to put aside there diff and both need to work it out. i said both no shit work it out. brit your my gurl i love u but just think how it would be wit out your dad around. u hate it right u a good gurl just u need puttin kevin in his place and beat the hell out of him im tellin u one good hit he stop doin wat he is doin know u. listen gurl just do your thing and take care of the kids love u gurl just do u ok.

Things I Get Smacked For

So I don't know if what I have qualifies as a "sense of humor". Most times, my remarks elicit groans, usually accompanied by a good smack. It's been that way all my life.

When I was 12 or so, I said to my Mom, "It's a good thing you named me Jim."

"Why?", she asked.

"'Cause that's what everybody calls me."

Smack.

I remember my wife, some 10-15 years ago, having a Drama Moment, and saying "You never say anything nice to me."

I thought for a minute.

I didn't agree with her, but there was no upside to arguing the point at that minute, being that it was a Drama Moment and all. So I sat back, and came up with this:

"OK, how about this? Your In-Laws are a hell of a lot nicer than my In-Laws."

I got a smile from her. Then 30 seconds later, I got a smack from her.

I once hit her with "Yeah? Well if I were half as smart as you are dumb, then I could rule the world."

Smack.

It happened with my friends ("hey, you're not the worst driver in the world, but when that guy dies...)

Smack.

We had a really distant relative die one time, and I remember a week or so later, saying (at the dinner table) "You know what Uncle Ned would be doing if he were alive today?"

"No, what?"

"Scratching at the coffin."

That wasn't a smack. That was the Slapping Cloud of Death coming at me in the form of my Mom.

I was good at passive-aggression, which is a sure-fire way to get smacked. I said to one friend "It's so remarkable that a person of your caliber has come so far!"

She could hit. Hard.

But the biggest beatings I have ever taken, involved Britney Spears.

When she and I were married...

yeah right.

Britney Spears is a person. She is also an Entertainer.

I don't know Britney Spears as a person. And the way the world is, I probably never will. (although I DID go to her NyLa restaurant in the 7 hours it was open for business). What I do know about Britney is that she had a new kind of act, she was a really energetic performer, and she was kinda fun.

Yes and she isn't too hard to look at



























I remember once being at a party, wandering through one of the rooms where there was a large screen TV. I looked and Britney Spears was on.

I stopped and said, kind of to myself, "Oh I like her."

You'd have thought I had just announced that I loved Hitler, by the reaction I got from the women I'm friends with. It was a roar, in unison.

"She's a slut" "She has no talent" "Are you kidding me?"

And of course, smack. Smack, punch, kick, smack, (even got a hair-pull)

Ah yes, I try.

Rich or poor, it's nice to have money.


Smack line starts at the rear of the building.

What To Do, What To Do...

I have nothing but profound respect for people who stand up for what they believe in. That respect from me is earned when:

• The belief is one that is at the core of one's very being
• The motive is sincere
• The "standing up" is a legitimate reaction to a threat to that belief
• It is not an "attention getting" device.

Micheal Newdow filed a Federal lawsuit in 2002 to stop his daughter from being forced to recite the Pledge Of Allegiance in her classroom. He claimed his 5 year old daughter was "offended" by the phrase "One Nation, Under God". Yeah. Ok. Mike Newdow was a run-of-the-mill, mediocre human being who was out for his 15 Minutes Of Fame, and couldn't figure out how else to do it, so he tried riding on the shoulders of his 5 year old daughter. The Court said he had no legal standing because he was not the custodial parent of the child. Thanks Mike, see ya!

See, as much as the country disliked Madalyn Murray O'Hair, (the one who essentially got prayer banned from the classroom) there had to be a little respect for the way she held fast to her beliefs. I mean she was a screw-ball (she lied that her son was being beaten in school for refusing to pray-son said "NOT") who might have been looking for a little time in the spotlight (she applied for Soviet Citizenship, but was denied...they're not stupid over there), but she really had to be a strong person to withstand the barrage that came her way over the whole issue. She stood her ground, because she really believed in what she was fighting for.

I didn't like her, but I did respect her.

The latest flurry is coming from some college out in California, Orange Coast College.Student Government Leaders decided to "ban" the Pledge of Allegiance at their meetings, because they feel there is no need to publicly swear loyalty to God or the US Government.

I'd love to discuss this with intelligence and decorum. But you know what? This is still the United States of America, and since there is still freedom of speech, I'm gonna do it my way.

My friends at Orange Coast are full of it. They're not making a name for themselves in any conventional manner, so they go the "Hey look at us! We're worthless, but we're loud" route. They hide behind the protection afforded them by the government that they show no allegiance to. But they're not standing up for a belief, they're not championing some Noble Cause. They're gunning for attention, pure and simple. And they did it on Veteran's Day.

This my opinion:

"Hey Hot Shots, you're just plain losers. No one said you have to recite the Pledge. You're just looking for attention that you haven't otherwise been able to gain. You vote to 'ban' others from doing so at your meetings. Something a little hypocritical there, I just can't put my finger on it."

If I thought that these "students" were standing up for something, that they were really behind what they believed in, I'd either support them or shut my mouth. I just really loathe con artists who make a mockery of the rights that they've been granted in the very country they refuse to pledge allegiance to. All to draw attention to otherwise insignificant existences. I just wonder how many of these "students" are attending Orange Crush School on the Government's dime.

Insincerity is really offensive. Wonder if I could sue?

Fuhgeddaboudit

I'm the living President of the People Who Always Forget Shit Club. I'm always "starting" to do things and getting halfway through before I forget what I was doing.

I constantly leave things and then forget where I put them. And it's not just forgetting things like heating the kitchen by leaving the oven on for 282 years, it's idiot stuff too. Like putting the tea bags in the fridge, but putting the milk in the cupboard. Doesn't that smell awesome after a few days?

And putting stuff on the car roof and forgetting 9 seconds later. You can find my house really easily: just follow the trail of oversized coffee mugs littering the roadway.

And how do you forget your year of birth? I recently got some forms returned to me because I put my date of birth in the year 2006. I might not be much more capable then a 3 month old, but the 6'4 body and facial hair throws things off a little.

Anyway, I started out writing an entry here today, and I was gonna make a list of all the things I forgot, but that would just be silly. So I'm gonna call it quits for the evening before I forget that I have to go to the bathroom, and well, you know...

Scrutiny

The elections are over, thank God, and the attack ads can all be buried out back now, at least for this season.

The whole thing is silly.

One thing I have learned about this government is, if you got drunk and took a leak in some back alley in Detroit in 1967, someone has the wherewithal to find that out and slap it all over the newspapers. Just to make you look bad. They know all, and tell all.

These people found out that one of our former Presidents smoked pot in some dorm room in England 30 years ago, and we could read about every detail down to the kind of rolling paper he used, although they did fail to notice that he didn't inhale the smoke. This same President, when confronted with a semen-stained dress, said "I have never had sexual relations with that woman", and we essentially bought it. And the wife of this President is most likely going to be running for the same office in 2008.

These folks convicted and imprisoned Martha Stewart, who said she didn't do it. They released John Mark Karr, who said he did do it. And OJ Simpson, who WE all figured pretty much did everything they said he did, is playing golf.

We have video cameras everywhere, capturing every word, every "botched joke" that has ever been, or ever will be, uttered by anyone with any political aspirations. There are people who can adminster tests that can be used to tell you just how much grape juice you drank a week ago Tuesday, and who was in the room when you drank it.

And we sort through all this crap. We allow some pedophile in Congress to exchange sordid emails with children, then go into rehab to get out of it. We investigate everyone remotely connected to a mess like that, asking "what did they know, and when do they know it?", and we watch them all squirm until some better story comes along.

We have a State Comptroller who ran for reelection, and part of his campaign effort was to defend the fact that he used State money to provide a chauffeur for his wife. A Senator from NJ won reelection despite an investigation into his alleged kick-back schemes.
You can run, but you can't hide, I guess.

And so, the midterm elections are over. This government is back in business, having shown us that they can find out anything about anyone anytime.

And yet, the most deadly enemy we've had since probably Hitler, Mr. Osama Bin Laden, the biggest REAL threat to our country, continues to taunt us from somewhere out in the hills.

Maybe we should nominate him to run for an Office. We'd catch him in no time.

Britney Spears Files for Divorce

We Know Jack

I believe that, slowly but surely, American Business wants to completely eradicate "American" from "American Business".

Or more precisely, eliminate AMERICANS from "American Business". Computers are doing more and more, and increasing numbers of American companies are outsourcing their work to other countries.

Seems as though they don't want to do anything but make money. Nothing else seems to matter. But sometimes it doesn't go quite according to plan.

Recently, I got a quick peek at the Arbitron Ratings for NYC (like the Nielsen's, except for Radio stations).

In 21st place, with a rating of 1.5 share is a little station called Jack-FM. It used to be CBS 101.1, Home of The Oldies.

The old format was hosted by some of the premiere radio personalities from Rock and Roll's early days, and they played oldies, including a weekend doo-wopp show. It was kind of fun to tune in and hear blasts-from-the-past, and the voices matched the ones I grew up with, people like Dan Ingram and "Cousin Bruce" Morrow.

Then the Overlords at the parent company decided to go with a new format, and along with the music change (to a contemporary "mix") they did away with DJ's altogether. No voices, no personalities, just pre-programmed music, day to day. Some engineer pops a switch, and away it goes.

I think everything in this country is losing its soul. There is so little thought behind anything anymore, and tradition has no bearing on things we used to cherish. There is a total disregard for so many things that made us the country we are.

That 1.5 share I mentioned showed a downturn of 1.9 from the year before the change-over.

Good.

Soul-less bastards. I hope they go to 0.

How long before all those clubs we go to decide that DJ's have no place there, either.

Jack-FM. Apparently they don't know jack. And they have a cheesy website, too. Might wanna take a look while they're still in business. http://www.ilikejack.com/

I don't like Jack.

My Hero!

Casey Stengel was a colorful character who managed a number of baseball teams, including the NY Mets from 1934 to 1965.

The Press loved him, because he could always be counted on for great quotes. Here are some of my favorites.

Gotta love a kindred spirit!

Ability is the art of getting credit for all the home runs somebody else hits.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

Been in this game one-hundred years, but I see new ways to lose 'em I never knew existed before.

Being with a woman all night never hurt no professional baseball player. It's staying up all night looking for a woman that does him in.

Can't anybody here play this game?

Don't cut my throat, I may want to do that later myself.

Don't drink in the hotel bar, that's where I do my drinking.

Good pitching will always stop good hitting and vice-versa.

I came in here and a fella asked me to have a drink. I said I don't drink. Then another fella said hear you and Joe DiMaggio aren't speaking and I said I'll take that drink.

I don't know if he throws a spitball but he sure spits on the ball.

I don't like them fellas who drive in two runs and let in three.

I feel greatly honored to have a ballpark named after me, especially since I've been thrown out of so many.

I got players with bad watches - they can't tell midnight from noon.

I was not successful as a ball player, as it was a game of skill.

I was such a dangerous hitter I even got intentional walks during batting practice.

If we're going to win the pennant, we've got to start thinking we're not as good as we think we are.

If you're playing baseball and thinking about managing, you're crazy. You'd be better off thinking about being an owner.

If you're so smart, let's see you get out of the Army.

It's high time something was done for the pitchers. They put up the stands and take down fences to make more home runs and plague the pitchers. Let them revive
the spitter and help the pitchers make a living.

It's wonderful to meet so many friends that I didn't used to like.

Managing is getting paid for home runs someone else hits.

Most ball games are lost, not won.

Mr. that boy couldn't hit the ground if he fell out of an airplane.

My health is good enough about the shoulders.

No, even my players aren't players.

Now there's three things that can happen in a ballgame: you can win, you can lose, or it can rain.

Son, we'd like to keep you around this season but we're going to try and win a pennant.

Sure I played, did you think I was born at the age of 70 sitting in a dugout trying to manage guys like you?

That kid can hit balls over buildings.

The key to being a good manager is keeping the people who hate me away from those who are still undecided.

The Mets are gonna be amazing.

The secret of managing is to keep the guys who hate you away from the guys who are undecided.

The team has come along slow but fast.

The trick is growing up without growing old.

The trouble is not that players have sex the night before a game. It's that they stay out all night looking for it.

The trouble with women umpires is that I couldn't argue with one. I'd put my arms around her and give her a little kiss.

The Yankees don't pay me to win every day, just two out of three.

There comes a time in every man's life, and I've had plenty of them.

They got a lot of kids now whose uniforms are so tight, especially the pants, that they cannot bend over to pick up ground balls. And they don't want to bend over in

television games because in that way there is no way their face can get on the camera.

They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games.

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?

They told me my services were no longer desired because they wanted to put in a youth program as an advance way of keeping the club going. I'll never make the
mistake of being seventy again.

Two hundred million Americans, and there ain't two good catchers among 'em.
Wake up muscles we're in New York now.

We are in such a slump that even the ones that aren't drinkin' aren't hittin'.
Well, that's baseball. Rags to riches one day and riches to rags the next. But I've been in it thirty-six years and I'm used to it.

When you are younger you get blamed for crimes you never committed and when you're older you begin to get credit for virtues you never possessed. It evens itself
out.

You can't go out to the mound, hobbling and take a pitcher out with a cane.

You got to get twenty-seven outs to win.

You have to go broke three times to learn how to make a living.

Thoughts for a Monday

If you're going to appear on a national news broadcast for an interview, unless you are a professional athlete, lose the baseball cap. And maybe take a shave. And put a shirt on.

---

Speaking of professional athletes, how 'bout this Terrell Owens?

He caught a lot of flack for this little post-touchdown celebration on Sunday.

I don't think it's right that he got smacked for this. It's only fitting that he go to sleep during a game. Serves him right for putting us to sleep each week with his mundane performances. He's currently 13th on the receiver's list, and he drops more passes than I do, only no one calls me a professional athlete.

He forgets that in order to act like a superstar, you should first perform like a superstar, no? Nowadays, it seems like these guys think that if they call themselves stars, they are stars. When do we say "enough" ?

---

I had one of those moments yesterday, where you start randomly clicking on links. I wound up on an Ebay page where they're auctioning off these "Elmo TMX" dolls. These folks are selling these toys for $150-200 bucks. I think they originally retailed for 49 bucks, but the thing is apparently in short supply. So these Ebayers are offering them at ridiculous premiums.

I know it's a free country, supply and demand rules apply and all, but, I dunno, just seems slimy to me to hack people for such a big chunk of cash. They bought these toys up just to mark 'em up. Elmo is a kids' toy.

I dunno, just seems wrong to me.

---

Television shows some signs of maybe graduating from the 3rd grade! Some of these shows are pretty intellectually stimulating...Grey's Anatomy, Heroes, The Class, Brothers and Sisters...pretty good stuff. There might be some hope, although I see shows like ABC's The Bachelor and MTV's Yo Momma are still out there to torture my brain... But, at least it seems as though Omarosa's 15 minutes seem to have lapsed.

---

How sad is it that the state of politics in this country is so miserable that the general attitude toward national elections is "let's get it over with"? These folks running for office seem to have been taught that the road to office needs to be paved with bullshit. It's the worst "Reality Show" of the year. but the scary thing is, this show actually affects our lives long after the TV is turned off.

---

Oh and it's time for a "NICE" update...I recently mentioned that the word "nice", when used as a catch-phrase, may soon replace "amazing" as the next over-and-misused word in the vernacular. It's showing up in advertising more frequently, and we all know that advertising dictates our lives. Here are the latest commercials featuring my new favorite:

• Febreze Noticeables (folks notice the sweet smell of Febreze, and all exclaim "nice!"
• Verizon Wireless (guy explains the new Motorola phones, customer exclaims "nice!"
• Taco Bell (three folks sitting around making up words..."scruncheezy". Woman exclaims "nice!")
• Bud Light (guy announces he's installed rubber floors, bounces beer off said floor, his buddy exclaims "nice!")

Just a little trend-setter news from your pal Stupid.

Yeah, But...

I don't enjoy writing about anything remotely political. Politics is a boring topic to me because I'm not going to change your mind, and you're not going to change mine. Especially if you resort to anything other than intelligent reasoning to make your point.

The people who actually know something about politics don't run for office.

Extremists bore me. They're usually full of shit, and when pressed for facts, respond by simply yelling louder. They don't deliver. They annoy.

People who preach hatred in the name of religion have missed the point.

People who tell me they're smarter than I am simply because I don't agree with them make me laugh.

The uninformed "Expert" is pitiful.

People who shit all over the opposition, but don't offer any practical solution of their own, are just silly. And pretty much useless to the political process.

And I'll say this until I am blue in the face: Don't tell me why I shouldn't vote for someone. Tell me why I should vote for you. Otherwise you're simply trying to sell yourself as the lesser of 2 evils.

Oh,and in my opinion, people who scream about the political state of the nation, but who don't vote, should just shut up. Simple, right?

And speaking of "shut up"...

the European Union doesn't think Saddam Hussein should be put to death. Right or wrong, I don't give a shit about 1 thing the European Union has to say. Just my opinion.

Look! It's the Bottom of the Barrel!

I am never too surprised at what I see from celebrities who are desperate to draw attention to their failing careers.
Bill Maher hosts a lightweight political TV show on HBO, and I'm sure the good folks at HBO aren't exactly wowed by this guy, who's not exactly knocking the cover off the ball. His show is very one-sided drivel, and he's pretty good at ambushing guests who don't necessarily subscribe to his idealogies.
In my opinion, the show sucks. But it can sometimes be worthwhile to watch, because some of the guests occasionally have something intelligent to say.
Anyway, this idiot, who fancies himself a "comedian" thought it would be really funny for Halloween to parody the late Steve Irwin, aka "The Crocodile Hunter" who tragically died recently in a diving accident.

Takes a special comedic talent to put together an idea like that. Be proud, Bill!

So for that, we proudly present Maher with his own Award!

Hmmm

NEW YORK (Nov. 2) - Flavor Flav, who's dating "Flavor of Love" winner Deelishis, is expecting a child - his seventh - with another woman, his manager, Clifton Johnson, confirmed Thursday.

Skew

This is a pretty simplistic discussion, but sometimes "simplistic" makes the point very clearly.

Doogie Howser, aka Neil Patrick Harris, announced that he is, in fact, a gay man. And a happy man as well.

OK, cool. This isn't about "Gay" or "straight" or whatever.

This what I'm talking about today: (The poll isn't active, it's just an image of it)







This poll was presented on America Online's homepage this morning. The question I'm more concerned with here today, though is this one:









or more specifically, this:





Do you see how this stuff gets spun? The media are quite adept at this kind of sleight-of-hand. They ask if you care. Then they give you two options. You either don't care a bit, or you only care if you're disappointed. There is no option there for you to say "hey I care, he's a great guy" or something.

It's all negative. Just the same way everything seems to be spun these days. I've seen all these articles recently about "how to spot a cheating husband". A lot of women cheat, too. One article actually did mention that fact, but only to add that "women are better liars...we have a plan".

The point isn't about "gay men" or "cheating men"; it's about how if something gets discussed a certain way for a long time, it becomes a widespread belief. If all we highlighted were faithful husbands, boyfriends, etc., and never even brought up the negative, things might be a little nicer all around.

It's all in how you spin it.

To Kneel, or Not To Kneel

So, like the title says, I had that decision to make tonight. And for the first time since Christmas Day 2005, I knelt down.

Without screaming out.

And got back up. (Eventually)

I'm so on the comeback.


Feel free.


Wiseguys.

Elusive Laughter

Technology offers us a little prize. When you catch something on your TV that really makes you laugh, you can just rewind it, watch it again, laugh again.

Ever notice, though, when you watch something 2 or 3 times, you don't laugh as hard as you did the first time you saw it? I wonder why that is? What changes in the brain that causes your reaction to lessen a little each time?

And why is it that you can sit alongside 2 or 3 people, all watch the same thing, yet have a different reaction among all of you? Why does something strike one person as totally hilarious, and maybe evoke just a smile in you?

I have a terrible sense of humor. I'm a bad one to put in your audience if you're trying out a new comedy act. Yet, show me The Three Stooges, and break out the Depends. I've sat laughing helplessly at those 20 minute shorts, while someone who's watching with me might be sitting stone-faced.

I thought about that all tonight. I heard one kid talking to another.

She said, "It was so funny at practice. Kelly went to pass the ball and fell right on her face. She went down. We had to stop practice cause she had to go to the emergency room. They said she probably broke her wrist. I was dyin' laughin'"

I didn't get it.

Something Good to DO!

Visit this site. It's sponsored by Xerox, and it allows you to send a personalized "thank you" to the troops

Let's Say Thanks

Pondering

Pondering things here lately...pondering is different from rambling for me because it just requires more thought.

I'm not a prude. I have a foul mouth when I have to, and sometimes even when I don't have to. I try to maintain some respect for my fellow humans, but sometimes it just slips.

Having said that, I saw a kid, probably 15, walking toward the school bus stop one recent morning wearing a t-shirt that said "F*CK OFF!" in big white letters on the front.

It's kind of funny: the kid will probably get sent home, or told to zipper up his hoodie to cover that up. And somewhere, someone would fight to the death defending his right to "express himself". Yet we find prayer in the classroom offensive and would fight to keep that out. This isn't a political statement. I'm just wondering when we crossed that line where "F*CK OFF" is acceptable "self-expression", and a prayer is offensive.

Bedside Manner

So I was doing those routine medical tests today. I had to lie there a while with a whole bunch of stuff going on. There was a nurse there who was so, so very nice to me from the minute I walked in.

So, things went well, and kind of quickly, and she came in with a clipboard to just get some info. She sat on the side of the bed, and then slipped off! Nearly killed herself!

But she was fine, a little embarrassed, but fine. I told her "trust me, nothing to be embarrassed about".

I like kindred spirits.