Hair-brained

Please don't read this if you're eating

I got a visit from a friend over the weekend. She's considerate, a good cook, and all-around pain in the ass. I love her, mostly. She came by because she knew I was bummed, plus she reads this.

She called out from the bathroom, asking if I had any Advil, which was in the medicine cabinet. I heard her rustling around in there.

A couple of minutes later, she came out with this:

"What is this?" she asked.

I explained to her that it's called the Turbo-Groomer, and it comes from Sharper Image. I told her what it does, explaining that it keeps my ears and nose from becoming bushy, like I'm smuggling rabbits or something.

"That's gross," she said. "You have to trim nose and ear hair with this?"

"Well, no, you can use scissors, and axe, a chainsaw, this just does it painlessly, bloodlessly and quickly."

"Eww." Again with the 'eww'.

"Why 'eww'," I said.

"That's nasty," she said.

"What's nasty?" I demanded.

"You have to trim your ears???"

Ok, so can I just address this whole issue of Male Body Hair?

Unlike a tattoo on my tongue, or a mullet, or mohawk, this "condition" is not something we guys actively choose. Nature has an evil sense of humor, and does things to males, just as it does to females. If I had the choice not to have to mow the ears or nose, trust me.

I'm not a bear. When I take my shirt off, it does not reveal a knitted wool sweater. I don't howl at full moons. But there are some unwelcome follicles placed strategically (from Nature's point of view) around my body.

I mean what's "ewww?" I keep it out of sight. When I shave my face, I occasionally have to follow up with a little nip/tuck action. I do it in the privacy of the bathroom in front of the mirror. I do not practice at dinner.

I have two options: Turbo Groom, or comb ears and nose. I go with the first choice.

She also mentioned that the Turbo Groomer looked like something else.

And my body hair is gross?

I'm so glad she came here.