Monday, July 23, 2007


Please don't read this if you're eating

I got a visit from a friend over the weekend. She's considerate, a good cook, and all-around pain in the ass. I love her, mostly. She came by because she knew I was bummed, plus she reads this.

She called out from the bathroom, asking if I had any Advil, which was in the medicine cabinet. I heard her rustling around in there.

A couple of minutes later, she came out with this:

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"What is this?" she asked.

I explained to her that it's called the Turbo-Groomer, and it comes from Sharper Image. I told her what it does, explaining that it keeps my ears and nose from becoming bushy, like I'm smuggling rabbits or something.

"That's gross," she said. "You have to trim nose and ear hair with this?"

"Well, no, you can use scissors, and axe, a chainsaw, this just does it painlessly, bloodlessly and quickly."

"Eww." Again with the 'eww'.

"Why 'eww'," I said.

"That's nasty," she said.

"What's nasty?" I demanded.

"You have to trim your ears???"

Ok, so can I just address this whole issue of Male Body Hair?

Unlike a tattoo on my tongue, or a mullet, or mohawk, this "condition" is not something we guys actively choose. Nature has an evil sense of humor, and does things to males, just as it does to females. If I had the choice not to have to mow the ears or nose, trust me.

I'm not a bear. When I take my shirt off, it does not reveal a knitted wool sweater. I don't howl at full moons. But there are some unwelcome follicles placed strategically (from Nature's point of view) around my body.

I mean what's "ewww?" I keep it out of sight. When I shave my face, I occasionally have to follow up with a little nip/tuck action. I do it in the privacy of the bathroom in front of the mirror. I do not practice at dinner.

I have two options: Turbo Groom, or comb ears and nose. I go with the first choice.

She also mentioned that the Turbo Groomer looked like something else.

And my body hair is gross?

I'm so glad she came here.


  1. Turbo grooming IS better than letting the hair just grow. I have hair where I don't want to, hence a lot of tweezing and shaving. If I could laser hair remove my whole body (minus the head of course), and it actually worked, I would.

  2. LOL. The thought of you actually combing the hair in your nose and ears made me giggle.

    Ahh the things we do with the hair that thinks it ought to be somewhere it oughtn't. Too funny.

  3. My dad used to trim his nose hairs with the scissors on his pocket knife while driving down the road. Nose hairs (and ear hairs, and armpit hairs and leg hairs and pubic hairs) happen. At least you take the time and care to deal with it before it becomes a social issue or a topic of daily conversation (or becomes long enough to style!). And your way's safer than my dad's - way to be a concerned citizen!

  4. Anonymous5:19 PM

    I saw a man at a convention quite a few years ago that could've used one of those turbo groomers. He had so much hair on and in his ears, he looked like Yoda!

    Robin in Texas


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