Sunday, January 20, 2008

Dummage

I get this urge to write "recaps" now and then, because nothing contained within is worthy of its own entry. So it's more fun to smash 'em all together into one pile of dummage.

"Edgy" Lady and I agreed that "edgy" doesn't work for me. I'm too Stupid to be edgy.

I got bit by a dog today. In a pet store. Ungood.

Luckily, the dog's teeth sank into one of my Forrest Gump leg braces, so he got the wrong end of that deal. The brace is fine. Good workmanship. The lady yelled at ME for "startling her dog". Now I'm no Zac Efron, but I didn't think I was so ugly that I'd make a dog want to bite me. Now I have to re-think that theory. I was a little mad that the lady blamed me for her dog biting me. Good hard bite, too. The dog was an English Bull Terrier, which Budweiser once used as Spuds McKenzie. But they have a hard bite. Oh well, no harm, no foul. And no Milkbone for that little $#@$#@$. The store lady asked me if I wanted help. I thought she meant finding my dog food. I'm not bright.

Which reminds me of Thursday. I was putting a luggage carrier on the car of an elderly neighbor and it wasn't easy. Then I got hit with a rock. I turned, ready to fight someone, and I see a little girl standing there laughing. This is the second time in my life I got attacked by a girl 1/10th my size, with a rock. And she had another one ready to fly. I'm 6'4, 230 pounds, and I was again at the mercy of a 5 year old girl, and no parent in sight. I talked her out of any more target practice.

I offered the following as suggestions for Vanity Plates to the Motor Vehicle Commission:


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting


Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting



They didn't take me up on them. Now I'll probably get a lot of tickets, too.

TIP OF THE DAY:

When making Jello, follow the damned instructions, unlike me. If you make it wrong, you get a big bowl of red water that doesn't get hard unless you freeze it, but then it's just ice. And who wants that? Oh, and no one will buy your BS that it's gazpacho, either.

My friends informed me today that they've decided I give the world's best foot massages. Yeah, terrific. What a talent. Normally I don't mind a compliment of any sort, but this kinda ties in to the whole "The reward for good work is always more work." thing. Lucky me.

Oh and, although we are a carbon-based life form, we cannot survive by eating coal. It just makes you break your teeth, and you can't digest it, anyway. I only mention it because I left my grilled cheese sandwich on the stove too long today. Now despite being raised with the whole "waste not, want not" ideology, you just cannot make any nutritional use of anything that hard and burnt. Just wait a couple of minutes before picking it up to throw it away. Hardness does not reduce temperature.

I'm just full of sage advice tonight, huh?

18 comments:

  1. Anonymous1:31 AM

    that lady is lucky you had a brace on your leg otherwise i would be sending her the medical bills.
    people
    lol at the little girl. maybe she knew you needed a "beating".
    but misunderstood the type that lippies like
    lol
    lylooooooooo

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous1:32 AM

    oh ps i just made jello for miss o
    yum
    lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous2:06 AM

    She blamed you!?! Those who are wrong often try to reverse the blame. Now she was the idiot without doubt. I'm glad you had the brace on.

    Monica
    http://journals.aol.com/monicasmemoirs/midnight-conversations/

    ReplyDelete
  4. Gaboatman5:19 AM

    Jimmy
    One of my major peeves in life is people who take their pets with them in public places and can't control them. They always give YOU the evil eye if the pet acts up. I sheepishly admit I have made Jello before that refused to gel. Must be a guy thing. Instructions? There wee instructions?
    Sam

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous6:35 AM

    Jimmy glad you had your leg brace on and didn't get hurt ~ how dare that lady blame you for her dog trying to take a bite out of you ~ wonder what she would have said if you had bitten it back :o) ~ Ally x

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous9:24 AM

    the nerve! glad you had the brace on. I laughed out loud when I read about the little girl... I can see you spinning around all ready to fight and then just melting... remember the saying when you were little, it means she likes you :) Me thinks she is pretty smart.
    hugs
    d

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sounds like it's a bad day. First the bite and then a stone! Hope the day gets a little better. Don't fret over the jello. I can never make Jello even when I follow the directions! LOL
    Missie

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous1:47 PM

    Too bad you can't "introduce" the bratty lil girl to the nasty, biting, dog! ~Jill

    ReplyDelete
  9. Anonymous2:18 PM

    I cannot believe she blamed you for her dog biting you!! What nerve. With people being so sue-happy these days...you would think she would be apologetic about it.
    Yeah....I can't get my son to eat the burnt grilled cheese either : )

    Have a good week!
    Tracie

    ReplyDelete
  10. that dog owner is a big ole dummy. it's her animal that bit someone. i would understand if you bit the dog first (wink), but you didn't. i dislike owners that don't take responsibility.

    ReplyDelete
  11. (Sighing with relief)...Thank goodness, I thought I was the only one who couldn't get the simple concept of Jello. I make gourmet food all the time, I'm befuddled why I can't grasp Jello. As for the woman with the Dog, I would of scolded her like a bad dog. Bad, bad person for not behaving in public with your dog. Trust me, they either get scared or think your insane and go away very quickly....I take Pickles to PetSmart with me all the time. I'm amazed at the people who bring huge, slavering dogs that bark non-stop and they can't control. What is wrong with the logic to these people?

    Why am I not surprised a child these days finds it amusing to throw rocks and be disrespectful....(Hugs) Indigo

    ReplyDelete
  12. I wonder what would have happened if you had started screaming in pain when the dog bit you? That would have shut the miserable bitch up ;-)
    Gaz

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dog-lady needs a reality check. She's lucky you're not pressing charges against her mangy mutt.

    Little girls throwing rocks at you? What exactly are you doing to rile them up?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous2:17 AM

    You are much too hard on yourself! I am glad, however, you had the brace on. Dog bites hurt!

    Dunno why kids think throwing rocks is fun. I don't recall ever doing that, but I do remember eating dirt. Of course, I was quite young. Oughta be good fiber. Perhaps I should try it again, rofl.

    Send me your address, I'll send you some jello. Hee.....

    Have a wonderful week!~

    Susan
    http://journals.aol.com/Rjet33/CountryLivingSouthernStyle/

    ReplyDelete
  15. You got to watch out for those little girls Jimmy...an evidently those little doggies too!

    You poor thing! (really I am trying very hard not to laugh!)

    ReplyDelete
  16. Bit rough to get blamed for the dog biting you. I mean, it's not like you bit it first. (Right??) :)

    Good foot massages rock! I say the next time someone asks, show them your pre-prepared 'will work for chocolate' sign.

    (PS...see my latest post)

    ReplyDelete
  17. I love the license plate suggestions! My husband wishes there were a star rating for drivers that was displayed in flashy lights on the back of their cars. That way you'd know which lane to pick when approaching a stoplight - the lane with fewer cars but with a slowpoke on a cell phone while yelling at kids and shifting, or the lane with more cars that all have good star ratings. Such things could be helpful. In the meantime, the license plates will definitely do. :)

    ReplyDelete

I love comments. I won't lie about that!