I think the time has come. There are so many studies out there, that when complete, don't do anyone a bit of good! There are Think Tanks all over this country, and they produce such studies as the one that said Jessica Alba has the best Female walk. Umm...great.
We need studies that can solve real problems. (Such as, what, truly, is the definition of a "real" woman? Are there actually artificial women walking around?) We need to start putting an end to the things that plague our everyday lives, and those are the ones we'll try to identify, study, and offer solutions for here at The Stupidsheet Foundation.
And we're going to have a big launch here today. We're going to head right for the stars, swing for the fences and go for the big stuff. No wimpy studies here. So let's get crackin'.
What we're going to do, right now, is get to work solving a problem that's a bane to all of us. We're going to go upstairs and completely disassemble the shower stall. We are convinced that, somewhere in with the fiberglass, grout, tile and chrome is a device that causes the telephone to ring the minute you step in. If one is waiting for an important call, the only way that phone will ring is if you're in the confines of that stall.
"Why not just go up and stand in the shower fully clothed, Mr. Stupid?" is what you might be asking. But, no, we're certain that the embedded device is only activated by a nekkid body, running water and shampoo in the eyes. So we're all over it. Or, "Why not just take the phone in there with you?" - believe us: the phone just breaks, or if it doesn't immediately, you spend the first five minutes explaining to the caller just what that noise is in the background. No, this problem goes way beyond the obvious, and we're going to nail it down. But, read on!
We're going to couple this study with another one that touches on the Para-normal. We're going to identify key people, and then identify what's in their brains that tells them it's time to call at the very worst possible moment, so that this specific brand of ESP can be identified and eliminated forever!
Ambitious stuff here, folks. We're going to be working really hard to get to the root of these problems. We'll keep you posted!