Monday, January 07, 2008

The Stupidsheet Foundation

I think the time has come. There are so many studies out there, that when complete, don't do anyone a bit of good! There are Think Tanks all over this country, and they produce such studies as the one that said Jessica Alba has the best Female walk. Umm...great.

We need studies that can solve real problems. (Such as, what, truly, is the definition of a "real" woman? Are there actually artificial women walking around?) We need to start putting an end to the things that plague our everyday lives, and those are the ones we'll try to identify, study, and offer solutions for here at The Stupidsheet Foundation.

And we're going to have a big launch here today. We're going to head right for the stars, swing for the fences and go for the big stuff. No wimpy studies here. So let's get crackin'.

What we're going to do, right now, is get to work solving a problem that's a bane to all of us. We're going to go upstairs and completely disassemble the shower stall. We are convinced that, somewhere in with the fiberglass, grout, tile and chrome is a device that causes the telephone to ring the minute you step in. If one is waiting for an important call, the only way that phone will ring is if you're in the confines of that stall.

"Why not just go up and stand in the shower fully clothed, Mr. Stupid?" is what you might be asking. But, no, we're certain that the embedded device is only activated by a nekkid body, running water and shampoo in the eyes. So we're all over it. Or, "Why not just take the phone in there with you?" - believe us: the phone just breaks, or if it doesn't immediately, you spend the first five minutes explaining to the caller just what that noise is in the background. No, this problem goes way beyond the obvious, and we're going to nail it down. But, read on!

We're going to couple this study with another one that touches on the Para-normal. We're going to identify key people, and then identify what's in their brains that tells them it's time to call at the very worst possible moment, so that this specific brand of ESP can be identified and eliminated forever!

Ambitious stuff here, folks. We're going to be working really hard to get to the root of these problems. We'll keep you posted!

8 comments:

  1. I am sure I will have some input for future foundation studies!
    Love ya babe!
    Gillie

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  2. .

    Are you familiar with the Ig Nobels? They will make you happy.

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  3. Um yes, Hi...I'd like to make a donation to the isolation, and subsequent study of that particular gene unique to women? The one where...every time we sit down to...you know...THERE IS NEVER ANY T.P.! ;) C.

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  4. Just don't answer the phone. I miss calls all the time because I'm either in the shower or blow drying my hair. Sorry, that's MY time. That's what voicemail is for ;-)

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  5. Anonymous12:31 AM

    LOL you are so funny! While you're at it can you figure out where the other sock goes in the dryer?? I lose socks in the dryer. Who knows where they end up?? LOL!
    Love,
    Pam xoxox

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  6. Perhaps we can tack a sub-study on to this, of a similar nature, "Why does the phone ring and/or your bladder fill up just when you get comfortable on the couch for a night of midless TV watching?" I think it's worth a look-see.

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  7. Anonymous10:58 PM

    I'm fortunate enough to have a phone that talks to me... I can be anywhere in the house, doing absolutely anything at all, and along comes the ringy ding ding with a voice that calls out "CALL FROM.... etc. etc." Problem solved.

    Of course, if I happen to be IN said shower, and it's the man of my dreams... I'm plain sheet out of luck, aren't I?

    love, chelle

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  8. Anonymous8:22 AM

    When you find the answer for that, please find out why teenagers and twenty-somethings can't pick up after themselves or feed themselves.
    Jude
    http://journals.aol.com/jmorancoyle/MyWay

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