Thursday, December 14, 2006

P U R G E !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that about cinches it. I have been grouchy beyond belief for way too long. I spent half the day being pissed off about things, and the other half thinking about things that piss me off. That's just ungood. Nope, nuh uh can't go on any more.

So I figure, the best way to get it behind me is to just let it all hang out, then get rid of it, right? This might take a while, but I don't want to make people think that I am a cranky, miserable jerk any more. So here goes...

The Biz Report

I saw my credit card summary, year-to-date, and the amount of money I spent at Amazon this year was just silly. But I can tell you, the way they failed me here at Christmas shopping this year, guarantees I will not be repeating the performance in the year to come. They sucked.

Sears is another company whose business demise I will pray for daily. Try stocking more than 1 of each item, losers. (Man it's hard keeping the swearing to a minimum, lol)

But I'd almost forgotten how awful the US Postal Service is. Almost. I get occasional reminders, like having my Valentine's cards delivered to me on St. Patty's Day, or my birthday cards in August (May birthday). But this time of year always brings to mind just how badly that business is run. Three times this week I had cause to go there in the late afternoon/early evening. At 1 in the afternoon when there's 4 people in line, we got 3 counter people working. At 5:30 PM, when 450 people rush there after work, there's 1 counter person. And the only way she could work any more slowly would be if she were to completely flat-line. We had Mary Social up there at the front, deciding that now would be a great time to chit-chat about everything that ever happened to her, while shipping 183 packages that had to be processed 1 at a time.

Thank God for UPS, FedEx and DHL. I use them at every opportunity, although UPS can occasionally be dumb.

OK so that's the business report. Next I'll purge my people poison.

Folks I'd Like To See Removed

Door Stoppers. Not the little wooden wedge you shove under the door to hold it open,I mean the wooden-headed idiots who line up for a busy place, and when they finally get to the door, with hundreds more people behind them, decide to stop, directly in the doorway, and maybe paint a portrait of all they see. I wouldn't mind so much, if it weren't illegal to pick them up and slam them out of the way.

Movie People Not all movie people, just the really big pains in the butt who are always late for the show, but then want to sit in the middle seat in the row. Or the mopes that insist on waiting until 2 minutes after the movie begins to get up and go to the bathroom. They're usually parked in the middle of the row as well.

Picky Eaters Again, not all Picky Eaters. Just those precious ones who, if there were 200 entrees to choose from, still couldn't find something they like. Dining with them is like having a boil lanced with a chainsaw. Worst part is, they always want to go out to eat.

Happy Birthday Cha-Cha-Cha people You know the ones...they sing "Happy Birthday to You- cha cha cha!" It was cute 7 years ago. Stop it. It's almost as annoying as the ones who insist on trying to harmonize while they sing it.

Box PeopleThose people who are always carrying boxes when you see them? Remove them. (hey, I didn't say some of these wouldn't be weird)

Over-Advocates They take playing "Devil's Advocate" to the extreme. They are always on the other side of the argument, not because they have opposing ideas, but because their entire belief system is built upon simply being contrary. No matter what's said, they always try to present the "other side" of the argument. They'll encourage you to approach things "with an open mind" when it happens to be something you disagree upon. To me, it's a pseudo-intellectual attention-getting device. Remove them, will ya?

Habitual Offendees Not criminal recidivists, mind you. These are people whose very existence relies on the next moment when they can "be offended". There's nothing in the Constitution that guarantees any citizen a life completely devoid of things one might find disagreeable. And "being offended" now seems to be a way of life for some folks. If these characters expended half the energy enjoying life as they do hunting down offenses,we could probably dismantle the military. Let's have them removed and get them a life.

The Terminally Unaware I'm not referring to the occasional gaffe, or dropping the ball now and then, I'm talking about those folks who've made a career out of screwing up. You usually first become aware of them at the end of a 10-hour lecture, when the teacher asks "any questions" and their hand goes up.You see them trying to walk up the "down" escalator, every day, or attempting to get cash out of the ATM with a library card, or ordering spaghetti at a Chinese restaurant. You know, they count out $187 in coins to save the cashier from having to make change. Not that I'd mind so much, but it seems they're always in front of me in line. Let's extricate them, no? Or maybe require them to pin their address to their shirts so we can all mail them a clue?

Control Freaks If there's one group that is dear to my heart, it's these folks. They want everything their way, and they'll employ ridiculous means to get it. I am not sure that I really want to see them removed, because I do so enjoy foiling them at every turn. I love it when someone tries to get me to do things their way, not because it's right, or practical, but simply because it's their way. They like to try and make you feel that you're a complete idiot if you don't do things the way they feel it should be done. On second thought, have them removed too, ok? Please?

Well! That's lot of purging. I feel 10 pounds lighter. I think it's time to move on now, and get a smile back on my face. Or maybe I need a laxative, too? Nah. I'm good. Onward and upward!

That felt good.


  1. The world would be a better place if we could rid ourselves of some of those idiots. (But then what would we complain about?). I'd like to add to the movie people the ones who feel the need NOT to turn their cell phones off. If you are too 'busy' or 'important' to go to the movies, why are you there? At least once every time I go to the theater, a phone goes off and it drives me nuts!! That, and leave your stinkin' crying 6 month old baby at home!!


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