Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Weirdness

So some silliness going on here today in my armpit of the world. Long ago I accepted that odd stuff happens to and around me and there will be nothing I can do about it. Most days I just take it. But then there are those days.

Like this morning. I walked into the kitchen and found a paper clip in the sink. Why? No idea. I couldn't remember eating with it, it's kinda a small clip and all. And I'm not usually in the habit of doing a whole lot of paperwork over the dish drain. Oh well.

Then I get the mail. Some cards, yayyy, some bills, and the 2 tons of catalogues. (by the way, I'm single here, and my name is clearly masculine, but I get every woman's catalogue on earth. No men's stuff. Well, if any of you Ladies ever want something, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get it) So anyway, one of the cards came from Europe. I was curious, as it was definitely addressed to me. I opened it, it was made out to me and my 3 kids, but I have no idea who the card is from. Even asked how I was feeling. How do you forget that you have a friend that lives on another Continent?

As I pondered that, I realized that I had way too much bread in the house, and some of it was on the verge of being stale. So I took it out, crumbled it up and spread it out on the back courtyard grass. As I stood there, one of the neighbors came out scolding me for feeding the birds.

"You don't need to be doing that, we don't need those damned birds here causing us all kinds of trouble," he proclaimed. And he didn't stop there, he went on and on telling me it was people like me who brought these damned birds around, stuff like that.

Yeah. The 80434 trees on the property probably have nothing to do with those birds being around. And what, are these Gangster Birds or something? Are they gonna come extort money from us, maybe steal our cars? Hey, you know how it works.

By then, the paper clip, along with the European Christmas Mystery were taking their toll on me. I was not in the mood for this clown's civic lesson.

"You're absolutely right," I said. "I'll pick all the bread, and we'll never see another bird in these parts ever again. Now go in the house before the birds are the last thing you will have to worry about."

Hey, the paper clip and all, you know. Tough morning. Made me grouchy.

I left the bread.

8 comments:

  1. Your neighbor must be a lonely old man who just wanted to talk....
    ; ( OR.....
    he must have just finished watching the movie "The Birds"
    ; )

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  2. OK...it sucks about anti-bird man...but unfortunately there's one part of your entry that remains in my head.

    "but I get every woman's catalogue on earth. No men's stuff. Well, if any of you Ladies ever want something, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to get it"

    May I start my list NOW?

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  3. I'm in Germany, but didn't send you a Christmas card to help solve your mystery! LOL

    The anti bird man needs to get a stinking life! There are far more important things in life!

    Merry Christmas Jimmy!

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  4. I received a personalized "Holiday Letter" from the people who own the #1 trash pick-up service in my city. It came with pictures of their children, grandchildren, and their condo! Completed my Christmas!

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  5. I received a personalized "Holiday Letter" from the people who own the #1 trash pick-up service in my city. It came with pictures of their children, grandchildren, and their condo! Completed my Christmas!

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  6. People are so weird, aren't they? I would have left the bread out there too!
    I'm so behind reading your blog, Jimmy, and I really miss it. You are such a good writer, and you never fail to entertain and make me smile.. :) Gotta catch up now..

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  7. Anne/ksquester12:57 PM

    You know, I once tried Paperclip Scampi but found it tough and wirey! Sorry about the anti-birdman of New Jersey. Anne

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  8. Anonymous9:24 PM

    Haha paperclip I wonder if its from the package I sent you? HAHA about the birds wtf. That would have been a classic moment if while you two were discussing that a bird shit on his head. Cass

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