A Very Stupid Christmas

Twas the Night Before Christmas, and all through the air,

was the sound of kids' laughter, as Dad fell down the stairs.

He did that, of course, for a very good reason:

It's the traditional start of the Holiday Season!

With lights that won't blink, and the garland in knots,

He knows just the things to bring joy to these tots.

The gifts that he thinks will all be a big hit,

Are toys that are broken, and clothes that don't fit!

Each year he starts early, but still can't believe,

That he's got to go shopping at 10, Christmas Eve.

Away to the mall he flies like a flash,

Tears open the wallet and throws up the cash.

The gleam on the breast of the new-fallen snow

is ice that sends him sprawling to the ground way below.

But nothing is broken, he's back on his way!

He's got to get done 'fore the end of the day.

Such a talented driver, so lively and quick,

he has to get home, ahead of St Nick.

All that wrapping to do, and a big tree to trim,

he knows what a long night is out there for him.

"Now Stupid! It's time to get on with the show!"

Each gift to be wrapped and topped off with a bow!

He wraps like greased lighting tearing through all those bags,

And then realizes he forgot the gift tags...

"On Stupid! Start over, this time get it right,

Or there'll be no sleeping this Christmas Eve night!"

The taping and wrapping and tagging did he,

And when he looked up, it was quarter to three!

Was time to get trimming, with garland and bows,

and of course lots of those needles stuffed up the nose,

but there in the branches of this year's blue spruce:

A SQUIRREL, oh no, and the damned thing is loose!

So chaos ensued as he ran 'cross the floor,

to chase this new houseguest right out the front door.

With a crash and a bang and a boom did he run,

and with one sharp heave the eviction was done!

It was back to tree-trimming at a quarter to four,

with a moment for cursing when the tree hit the floor.

But determined he was, as he worked through the night,

and placed the tree-topper at the break of day's light.

His work he had finished, and no one was dead,

he was smiling as he went in and lay down on the bed!

Just then the kids burst in without any warning,

Yelling "Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good morning!"

Better luck next year, huh?