Tuesday, December 25, 2007

A Very Stupid Christmas

Twas the Night Before Christmas, and all through the air,

was the sound of kids' laughter, as Dad fell down the stairs.

He did that, of course, for a very good reason:

It's the traditional start of the Holiday Season!

With lights that won't blink, and the garland in knots,

He knows just the things to bring joy to these tots.

The gifts that he thinks will all be a big hit,

Are toys that are broken, and clothes that don't fit!

Each year he starts early, but still can't believe,

That he's got to go shopping at 10, Christmas Eve.

Away to the mall he flies like a flash,

Tears open the wallet and throws up the cash.

The gleam on the breast of the new-fallen snow

is ice that sends him sprawling to the ground way below.

But nothing is broken, he's back on his way!

He's got to get done 'fore the end of the day.

Such a talented driver, so lively and quick,

he has to get home, ahead of St Nick.

All that wrapping to do, and a big tree to trim,

he knows what a long night is out there for him.

"Now Stupid! It's time to get on with the show!"

Each gift to be wrapped and topped off with a bow!

He wraps like greased lighting tearing through all those bags,

And then realizes he forgot the gift tags...

"On Stupid! Start over, this time get it right,

Or there'll be no sleeping this Christmas Eve night!"

The taping and wrapping and tagging did he,

And when he looked up, it was quarter to three!

Was time to get trimming, with garland and bows,

and of course lots of those needles stuffed up the nose,

but there in the branches of this year's blue spruce:

A SQUIRREL, oh no, and the damned thing is loose!

So chaos ensued as he ran 'cross the floor,

to chase this new houseguest right out the front door.

With a crash and a bang and a boom did he run,

and with one sharp heave the eviction was done!

It was back to tree-trimming at a quarter to four,

with a moment for cursing when the tree hit the floor.

But determined he was, as he worked through the night,

and placed the tree-topper at the break of day's light.

His work he had finished, and no one was dead,

he was smiling as he went in and lay down on the bed!

Just then the kids burst in without any warning,

Yelling "Merry Christmas to all, and to all, a good morning!"

Better luck next year, huh?



  1. haaaaaaaaaaaaa, THAT is great Jimmy. Merry Christmas to you and all of your loved ones. Anne

  2. One more thing........Walgreens is OPEN on Christmas day.......Can you believe it????

  3. Tricia2:14 AM

    Ha, that was a great read, I read it to Nate. LOL You are so funny, yet I believe every word, sounds like lippy indeed.
    Hope you have a very merry christmas...you deserve nothing less. LOVE YOU

  4. Merry Christmas! Thanks for the grins you give us.

  5. Jimmy
    Bravo, well done! This was great and for some, I'll bet true. Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  6. Anonymous7:52 AM

    Merry Christmas to you and your family!

  7. You fell down the stairs? Are you ok!?

  8. Anonymous9:33 AM

    Merry Christmas and I hope you have a few days to recover from the fall and lack of sleep.


  9. Anonymous10:00 AM

    Merry Christmas Jimmy to you and your family and Pops too! have a wonderful day~kbear

  10. Anonymous10:47 AM

    I loved it! Merry Christmas Jimmy. LInda

  11. Merry Christmas, Jimmy!

  12. Boy, does that sound like my Christmas Eve!!! With all that preparation, it's all over in a flash! ::::Sigh::::
    Have a very Blessed Christmas!!!!

  13. Anonymous2:38 PM

    Great & (hilarious) x-mas poem! Merry Christmas, thanks for the laughs all year long. Hoping your Pop is able to enjoy the holidays.

  14. Anonymous3:09 PM

    That was so cute!!! I hope you and your family are having a very special Christmas!! I am having problems signing into this account for some reason so I am using ananymous LOL. Luv ya JP!!!

    ALLISON : )

  15. haha
    Merry Christmas!!

  16. Well written...and almost sounding fun!


  17. Very clever and creative jimmy. Merry Christmas.

  18. Anonymous10:16 PM

    Hi Jimmy,
    What a great poem ... I'm amazed you had the energy to write it -- or an ounce of creativity left -- after all that activity. If I caught a squirrel in my house you could forget about Saint Nick. I'd be on the phone with an exterminator faster than you can say "nuts to you, rodent!" Happy Holidays!

  19. Anonymous9:06 AM

    Hope you had a great one, Jimmy

  20. Anonymous9:59 AM

    LOL love it!!! Hope your Christmas was Merry Merry... may 2008 bring all good things.

  21. Anonymous6:32 PM

    A very merry Christmas to you and yours. Great poem. Glad you didn't break anything while tumbling down the stairs. Glad you got rid of the squirrel, too. I keep telling my kids. "No more pets!"

  22. Martha6:35 PM

    That was great Jimmy! Hope your Christmas was a merry one.

  23. Just as long as you're still smiling! I actually made my husband read this post, it was great!

  24. Anonymous9:25 PM

    Gotta love this entry!

    Merry Christmas


  25. It wouldn't be the same without a trip or a fall from you to start your day....I hope you really didn't or if you did that you're okay!!
    Hope you Christmas was wonderful and that you were able to enjoy it.


  26. Anonymous8:32 PM

    Lovely Poem!
    You know what I do instead of gift tags? I get different christmas wrap for each individual. Matthew loves it! He knows by the wrap which is his presents.
    Sounds like you had a Merry Christmas. Bless you!


  27. LOL! 10 Stars!!! That was an awesome poem that should go down in history, just like Rudolph!! :)

  28. chatzeekay6:56 PM

    i ahd to laugh and i laugh really har dreading this what good talent you have not so stupid,,, jimmy

  29. OMG...I almost fell out of my chair reading that. And Anne's right--Walgreens is a lifesaver on Christmas day...batteries!!! A belated Merry Merry to you and the family!

  30. You are a gifted writer Jimmy!!! I laughe....you cried (least I bet you did when you fell)....what an emotional mess! You crack me up

  31. TOO precious. Again...late to this...still trying to catch up with maill...bleh. ;) C.


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