Clarity 1993

There isn't anything I can think of that could be more painful than watching someone you love hurt terribly, and not be able to do a damned thing about it. Helpless is an understatement.

But along with that hurt came a lot of bad feelings and distress. There was her reaction to the many hormone imbalances, and my frustration at my own uselessness. We didn't exactly fight, but you know that kind of just-under-the-surface tension that can make life difficult.And there was a slight intimation of "blame" being placed on me over the mess. I sort of just absorbed that and let it go for the time being.

Fate took another stab at us. It turned out that there was something to do with our blood types (me O negative, she AB negative, which is apparently quite rare) that may have contributed to the loss of our first child. It was never 100% clear to me why that was, but the Doctor assured us that this could be controlled with some kind of injection, were we to conceive again, that is.

He told us that following her D and C, we could "get right back on the horse" and give this another try. What else could we do, right?

I just noticed that during the past couple of months, I'd become very much into having a child. Funny how jet-setting had lost its lustre.

I like to think that God trumped Fate a little here. I was very happy to find that our immediate attempt resulted in another positive pregnancy test in late 1992. Thanksgiving that year had its own new meaning, but there was still that lingering fear.

I was told by the Obstetrician that B. was considered a "higher risk" pregnancy. I had my marching orders. Take care of my wife. Feed her generously, keep her safe, and pay attention to every little detail. That was my job. And hey, a job that I was actually qualified for! I could do this, no doubt. I love to eat, and now I have to make sure someone eats with me.

She gained 40 pounds. I gained 30. I did a good job I guess.

Our first child, a daughter, was born in July, 1993. If there was ever a moment where I was regretting our decision to shed the jet-setting, being handed a tiny, little baby girl for the first time was the perfect antidote. Big boys cry too sometimes. Baby girls can do that to you.

Interestingly enough, at this same time, I received the biggest promotion of my professional career. I made it to the position I'd been aspiring to for 10 years. I didn't think life could get any more perfect than this. I had a beautiful baby with a beautiful wife, and was working at a job where I could give them the kind of life I'd always prayed for.

Life was tasting pretty sweet.