But now I think this stops being a retelling of those events of that time. The funeral and burial were very difficult, and the mourning was intense for each family member. And this is when things started to get difficult for my marriage as well.
B began to foster a resentment toward me, because I was actually with her Mom when she passed. I know that I had only done precisely what I was asked to do, but the resentment lingered and grew as well. To complicate matters for her, she was pregnant with our second child.
It's very difficult to explain this situation without sounding as though I am playing the victim. I really wasn't a victim, but rather someone who was just dealing with a situation. The victim was really B, who fell into the grips of a depression after her Mom passed. I firmly recognize the power of an illness like this, but it's not easy to deal with someone who has begun to see you as a sort of enemy.
In June, our son was born. What should have been a joyful event was quickly dampened by the effects of postpartum depression, which coupled with the existing depression B had been suffering previously. We had bought a home of our own, but she wanted to stay with her Dad and take care of him. We had our girl, who was barely 2 years old and we were still living with B's father until my son was born. B reluctantly decided that we needed to go home. I have to admit that it was a very scary time. I had a long commute to work, and had to be ever mindful of B's condition. She was in counseling, but I don't know how healthy that relationship was.
After every session with the grief counselor, there was a distinct chill to the air in our home. It turned out, as I found out later down the road, that the counselor was encouraging her feelings of resentment toward me, and in fact, justifying it. Needless to say, you probably have a good idea of what life was becoming like.
How to you show any kind of remorse, or even apologize for, doing something you had been directly asked to do? How do you defend yourself?