Sunday, January 18, 2009

Moving Forward 2000 III

Now while I was looking somewhat optimistically at the future, this wasn't going to be some kind of instant happy ending. I worked hard for what I had, my family, my friends, my home, my marriage. It isn't always a matter of what you did or didn't do right; I think it's more a case of what you think you did right or wrong. If you really believe you did it right, that you played by the rules and tried your best, failure is a big lump to swallow.

And so here I was, that first night. I had no furniture, ragged shades on the window. I was sleeping on a sleeping bag on a floor that had just been refinished. The apartment reeked of varnish or lacquer. I had nowhere to sit, no TV. I didn't exactly earn a medal for good planning. So after a career of hard work spanning 14+ years, I was living in an apartment with nothing.

I remember my first meal: Papa John's pizza, sitting on the floor on a Sunday night, feeling very much sorry for myself as it got dark out. Not exactly a memorable start to the new life, so to speak.

But as sad as I was at the moment, I knew it was like healing pain: hurts now, but will hurt less and less every day and will help rebuild strength. Heartbreak and disappointment are funny that way...they hurt the most but leave you better once you move past the pain.

But man, it was lonely that first night.


  1. Yep that first night is tough! I've been there. Papa John's pizza helps for a little bit though doesn't it?? LOL

  2. :::: ouch ::::

    (picture ET touching his heart)

  3. Okay, I would have been requesting some of the furniture from B.

    I'm selfish that way. :)

  4. I thought I was being noble taking nothing with me when I separated from Skye's dad. I wanted things to remain as close to normal as she would remember them. What we never realize is a few of the memories that get tied up in things. I've got new things now with lasting memories. But missing those things that first week or so...brutal. (Hugs)Indigo

  5. You , like my daughter in her seperation and divorce, must have asked for nothing...It hurts to think of you on that bare floor Jimmy...

  6. It is hard to start over. I left with only what would fit in my Volkswagen Beetle, which is not much :o)

  7. starting over alone always stinks

  8. I was totally thinking along the lines of Carlene. I ached just thinking how alone and bedless you were. Sheez; couldn't your wife have spared a bed?

    You are probably one of the most self-less people I know. Not only did you take all the emotional beatings, but you asked for nothing. You are a saint.

  9. You are unbelieveabley strong JP. That sure has had an affect on the person you are today, a few short years later. All that you have gone through and you have just gotten stronger as a person. I'm proud of you for that. Have a happy Sunday. Luv ya!

  10. I can relate to that first night alone. It sucks.

  11. I think a lot of us know that feeling of being so alone. Even when you know you have people who love you (parents, siblings, etc.), there comes a time when you are by yourself. That can be rough.


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