The HORROR

OK, so in the last couple of weeks, I've seen 2 or 3 TV ads (Verizon Wireless for one, off the top of my head) and they're starting to scare me.

See, I have word-phobia. Or is it word-peeve?

The biggest thorn that's been slammed into my eardrum, of course, is amazing.

The word "amazing" is just about on death's door. It has been overused, beaten to a pulp. It used to mean something, but now it's been used to describe just about everything from the 1969 NY Mets, to yogurt, to socks. Amazin' ain't what it used to be.

But now, in these commercials, there is a new horror on my horizon. It's budding, starting to morph, and looking a lot like a thorn-in-the-making.

The new word/horror?

"NICE".

Watch. You'll see.

Evolution

I think it's fair to say that American women have gone through some major advances in just the last 50 years alone. Most of the change is for the better. Compare the life of a woman in 2006 to that of one living in 1956 and you really can see how life has changed.

While women seem to have been gradually moving upward, what about the average American man is that much different? More precisely, what changes have men achieved that they themselves set out to achieve?

I'm not talking about science, technology, mankind as a while, I'm talking about the average, every day man. What's different?

OK, so there have been some major "attempted changes", i.e. The Metrosexual movement, Sensitivity Training, and all that, but again, who initiated those? Usually not the fellas.

I'll admit that some men have gotten with it, and are progressive thinkers and all. The job market is still not pretty, but admittedly it is different than it was even 20 years ago. There is some room out there in the Boys' Club for women, and it's not all about sexist behavior anymore.

But again, what's different about the men?

There is an age-old frustration on the part of women toward men, and it's still basically the same. You could hear a woman in 2006 exclaim "Argggh, MEN!" in much the same fashion that Lucille Ball or Wilma Flintstone did years ago.

We leave the seat up.

We forget to call when we're going to be late.

We forget to hang things up.

We still hate washing the dishes before putting them in the dishwasher.

We watch sports, or just TV in general (although now there are far many more choices, yayyy!)

We don't ask directions when we're driving and lost, and we still insist on doing the driving.

I'm not sure. Maybe the things that women want from men are unattainable? Think about it...

Your dog can't speak. He may be able to bark on command, or even eke out something that might sound like a word, but it isn't speech.

Do you get rid of the dog because he can't talk to you? Or do you learn to live with, and work with his limitations?

And try getting your TV to microwave some popcorn.

Just something to think about.

Serenity

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference.

This is such a recurring theme in my life; I come back to this prayer at least once a day, for some reason or another. Something occurs every day that makes me realize the value of such a request.

If you've had a job just about anywhere, it seems, there are things that go on that are unfair. Nepotism is a way of life in corporate America. If you get into the world, you deal with it, or you go insane. Or, you work somewhere that there is a family member who can grease the wheels for you.

If only life were really that easy.

I've come to grips with some of the less pleasant "facts of life". That is not to say they don't frustrate me, but I've learned to face the fact that I cannot change them. And I'm not talking about great injustices (although that is subjective), just the things that you could drive yourself insane trying to battle. Some are big, most are small.

Let me explain...on the "small" list are things such as these:

• You will always get stuck behind a bad driver when you're in a hurry. The bigger the hurry, the bigger the idiot
• It will always rain when you're counting on it not to.
• The Internet will always fail you when you count on it for something genuinely important

Know what I mean? Things like those, take 'em or leave 'em, they're not going to change.

But it's the things on the "big" list that I had to struggle to come to terms with. I think I became more sensitive to some when I had children of my own, and the things that were always "unjust" became really unjust.

Again, to explain...

We can convince ourselvesand try to convince others, that real beauty comes from within, that looks don't matter, money doesn't matter, yet, at the end of the day, they often most certainly do matter. Way too many of us have suffered a little bit of "broken heart" when we lost out because someone didn't subscribe to those beliefs. "Hot" wins out over "nice" or "sweet" way more times than I'm happy with, but it is what it is.

Some people make horrendous life choices. You can't make their choices for them. You either dismiss them, or you wait to be there in case the choiced indeed prove to be horrendous. And you stick around when they repeat them, or you move on. People don't change because you want them to, and they're not always going to take advice.

The best qualified candidate doesn't always get the job. That's just the way that is.

Money talks. The government, big business, et al, are all driven by profit. Pure and simple. You make some inroads, but you deal with it. The recent idiocy with oil and gasoline prices had nothing to do with actual shortages, but speculation that anticipated shortages. They didn't happen, and look at gas prices now. Can't do much to change it, you just deal with it.

And as much as we'd like to think that we're responsible for our own happiness, that our lives don't depend on the acts of others to achieve happiness, it's small consolation when our hearts are broken, or when we are disappointed. We forgive and forget, or we hold a grudge. People do matter to our lives. We live with it, come to terms and move on, or spend a long time feeling very unhappy.

I wish I had the power to say to everyone that looks won't matter. I wish I could sit here tonight and guarantee that being the most qualified is going to guarantee success. I wish I could make all those thing "the way of the world". But mostly I wish I could grant that wisdom to know the difference.

It'd sure feel a little better. Some nights, being sad really sucks.

Balderdash

I sit with the TV on almost every moment I am awake. Most times just for the background noise, because since June, I think I've watched everything ever filmed.

Anyway, tonight I'm half-listening to a commercial for a board game called Balderdash. There is a voice-over, and I swore that the guy described the game by saying "That f*ing game where..."

I was watching on a set that had a DVR. I rewound the commercial, and even with my full attention, it sounded like "That f*ing game where..."

But, all is well. The actual phrase was "That bluffing game where..."

Discover This

So I had my first run-in with loan sharks this week.

Seems as though Discover Bank, Member FDICA Morgan Stanley Company, has taken on some new business practices. I'm not sure it "pays to Discover"

Ok, so long story short. I was taking someone in to have surgery. Before we left, her phone rang, and she, unfortunately, answered the call. It was someone from "Discover Card" calling to remind her that her monthly payment was overdue.

Hey, it happens. This woman is not a deadbeat. She ran into some medical difficulties, which required surgery. She told the woman on the phone that she would log into the account and make the payment ASAP.

That's a lot nicer than my answer would have been. This account is not delinquent. The "overdue amount" is $175.

One Hundred Seventy Five Dollars.

What's the big deal, you ask?

That was Wednesday morning at 8:45 AM.

Between 8:45 AM Wednesday. and 9 PM (yes, 9 PM) Friday evening, these thugs called her house 17 times.

17 times...for a 175 dollar overdue monthly payment. It was only due on October 15th. So it was 10 days late at the time of the 1st call.

17 phone calls in 2 and 1/2 days. It's in the caller ID log. I'm almost tempted to publish the number so that all my friends can call and leave happy greetings (it's not the 800 number we see in their perky ads!)

I stopped them at 17 calls. I had logged onto her account and paid the overdue bill. Because it was Friday evening, I guess the Bookie's computers didn't reflect that. So when call number 17 came, I told them if they called again, they'd be hearing from her attorney. These leeches are not, contrary to popular belief, allowed to call you like that. It's harassment to do so. I reminded them of that.

The calls stopped.

So did my account with Discover. After seeing how they conduct their business with her, I decided someone else would be getting all the interest off of my money. I'd have gone nuts after 2 calls.

It pays to Discard.

Thought for the Night

We have got to stop all these honor students from committing all kinds of heinous crimes at 3 AM on weeknights.

What Have You Done For Me Lately?

You know, I was thinking about the upcoming elections that are going on. And something dawned on me.

I mean I'm always getting dumb ideas, so that's nothing new, but occasionally, some of the noise that comes out of my skull is legitimate. And I think this idea was pretty useful.

What have any of the politicians who represent me done for me lately? I can't think of one concrete example of anything that a single one of them has done that has had any significant positive impact on my life in the last 4 years.

I mean if someone gave me a test and one of the questions was a fill in the blank type, I'd be stuck.

Politician A has done ____for me since being elected to office.

Now granted, there has been a lot of amusement given forth by some of them (Jim McGreevy, for example) and, as I live in the Great State of New Jersey, I have had more than my share of unwanted sexual activity (as in I got screwed a whole lot). My President got us into a couple of wars, a Congressman had some untoward sexual activity of his own, and well, things just generally sucked, politics wise. But I have seen nothing I can say was done for the common good in NJ, or in the Nation as a whole. Or even the Nation as a hole!

Anyone care to refresh my memory? Thanks!!!

OUTAGES, YAYYY

I'm sitting here, and I'm seriously considering writing to the admin at Blogger. I want to ask them if they are taking lessons from the good folks at myspace.com and AOL because lately, well Blogger just sucks. It's down a lot, there are a lot of site errors, and just plain service outages. There really is no ground to stand on, because this is a free service and all. But I own the domain, and I do have hosting of my own. I just kind of like the publishing platform that Blogger runs. Well I have, for the most part. The last 10 days have been a major exception to the satisfaction.

I hate to give it up, because Blogger has, up till recently, been a great way to publish a daily blog.

So what's up, Blogger people?

Sound Medical Advice

OK so here's a thought...if you run a medical facility with a waiting room, and that waiting room has a TV in it, and it's around the time for "daytime" tv, please choose a station that doesn't broadcast "Maury" and "Jerry Springer", ok? I don't think it would do your practice much good if everyone waiting to see you killed themselves before their appointments.

Road Warriors

OK, NJ is home to an odd breed of folks. I think of them as the "Road People".

Nope, nothing sinister, just strange.

When you drive around NJ, you'll see them. They're otherwise ok people, except they walk in the roads. I don't mean walking along the shoulder, I mean in the road. I have no idea why. I saw one Brainiac on Friday in the roadway of a Service area, carrying on a chat on her cellphone, completely oblivious to the world (and many cars) around her.

It's simply annoying during the day; at night, it's downright stupid and dangerous. While drivers in most states have to avoid the occasional deer, raccoon or 'possum, we here in NJ have the added delight of avoiding imbeciles who've been born without the gene that tells the brain "roadway -bad!"

Oh, and they always seem to be wearing dark clothes at night, too.

I get thoughts of the Darwin Awards when I see one of these champs, then I get evil ideas.

Then I get thoughts of prison cells, so I do my best to avoid them.

Dammit.

Pet Peevage

If you read this:

Free Laptop - No JokeAnswer our 5 question survey and we'll ship you a free laptop!

what do you expect to have to do?

You go, you answer 5 questions, they ship you a laptop, right?


It's like this: if the ad says "free" but there is "participation required" you are getting screwed. Plain and simple. The only thing you might ever get for free, with no strings attached, is homebaked cookies from Grandma. (you get 'em from Mom too, but you have to do chores). I just think this "free" shit needs to be reigned in. If I advertise a lotion guaranteed to make you beautiful, but send you a vial of Crisco Oil, someone will come and yell at me. If I say "free lotion" that gets included in the box with the 321321 offers you have to buy to get it, no one cares.

I really hate that shit.

---

And again with the Campaign ads. These friggin morons have really gone over the top with the attack ads.

Hey!

Idiots!

Stop telling me what a piece of shit your opponent is, and tell me what a piece of shit you AREN'T.

That might get you a vote.

The way these damn campaigns are being run, by Election day I feel as though I'm given a choice between Ted Bundy and Jeffrey Dahmer.

---

I very much want to see a woman elected President in my lifetime. I really do. Just not Hilary Clinton. I think that the first woman who becomes US President will have earned an incredible honor, and will have set a new standard. I just don't think Hilary Clinton is the one I want my grandchildren reading about in their History books.

---

And protests are tired now. The 60's are over, and these Viet Nam War style protests are a waste of time. People who agree with you pay attention, people who don't agree with you ignore you. It's frustrating, I know, but it's true. You handcuff yourself to a door, the cops come, you get 30 seconds on the news, you go to jail, you're forgotten. Sad, but true.

---

Oh well. Wonder if I could sell myself on Ebay?

Getting Even

Take a look at this Ebay item
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=150047812469&ssPageName=ADME:B:EF:US:2

STIMULATION!

I think stress is real. I mean it's all relative, because every one of us reads or hear what someone else is "stressing" over and we will automatically think something along the lines of "oh yeah? You think you are stressed? Try living with..."

Yeah you know you do it. So do I.

But think about it. How many of us really take a quiet break with absolutely nothing going on? The TV's on, or the cellphone's on, or if you're like me, something TechGeeky going on...logged on to something or other. We're always dealing with some sort of stimulus. Text messages, calls, you know it.

And look at the TV programs we're watching. There is some scary stuff depicted on those cop shows, (and please don't get me started on the Reality Shows). And I know a whole bunch of people who watch the 10 or 11 O'Clock News either in bed or right before. And what about CNN or FOX? Do we really, really need to be slammed with news 24/7? I mean those stations take a story and dissect it until you know the color of the socks on the woman who happened to see the story from 3 blocks away. We go to bed with the TV on, and a lot of us wake up to it again, or maybe the radio. Being up to date is cool. It's good to stay informed. But how good would Thanksgiving be if you had to eat the whole turkey, complete with the stuffing, and 10 pounds of potatoes, instead of having just enough to make you full?

We're always beyond "full" now. We're busting at the seams. We don't give it a rest. We are over-stimulated. And as if the visual stimuli weren't enough, we're dumping tanker-loads of Starbucks down our yaps, just in case the engine wasn't pumping out max RPMs. And smoking...another stimulant. Even booze, folks. Produces a short term sleep, but then interrupts the REM sleep later on.

Think about it, if you've had an infant around...if you get that baby started, playing, giggling, really cracking up, right before bedtime, get 'er all revved up, you wind up with overstimulated Baby. That equals overtired Baby, but not sleeping.

We don't change completely when we grow up. We need rest. I don't think most of us get enough recuperative time.

So we stress. A lot.

Just a thought.

The Stupidsheet Wall of Fame! Inaugural Award!

OK so this is not an award for anyone's blog, journal, or anything like that. That's been covered very well the last couple of days.

But I figure, anyone can have an award program, right? Mine are going to be typically dumb, and fairly worthless. The fun thing here is, there is no nomination process, no vote gathering.

Nope, it's pretty much up to us. We see something we think is Fame-worthy, we're gonna hand out a plaque.

And so, without any further noise, allow us to introduce the first recipient of a plaque on the Stupidsheet Wall Of Fame (we can't afford a whole hall, and we found this great place behind the dumpsters)

This evening, during the 7th inning stretch of Game 1 of the 2006 World Series in Detroit, a former American Idol contestant, Jennifer Hudson, was introduced to give a rendition of "God Bless America".

Ms Hudson then proceeded to butcher the poor song right on national TV.

Folks, when performing an old standard such as this, take these tips from ol' Stupid:

1. Do not rewrite the song on the fly. The composer wrote those notes. Respect that.
2. Sing...do not scream.
3. If a certain note is not in your voice-range, The World Series is probably not the best time to experiment. I have a feeling there are quite a few broken panes of glass after tonight's performance.

But, Ms. Hudson didn't play nice, and so, here is the first-ever Stupidsheet Wall Of Fame Plaque for Ms Jennifer Hudson. Congratulations!

The Dove Folks Are Pretty Smart

And if the movie above should go bye-bye, you can see it at the website
http://www.campaignforrealbeauty.com/

And Another Damned Thing...or two

North Korea's President or whatever the hell he is, reportedly apologized to a Chinese Envoy over the recent nuclear tests.

BULLSHIT. He's only covering his ass because the North Koreans thought they were testing a nuclear bomb, and it turns out their "bomb" was nothing more than a firecracker.

Ain't so tough now, huh?

Oh for God's sake...now they're telling us bread can cause cancer.

And this John Mark Karr...the pyscho who claimed to have killed JonBenet Ramsey...can we stop hearing about him now? He's worthless. Today's news included the story that he went home to live with his father.

Oh goody.

Jam!

Yayyy! Traffic jams are so fun. It's the perfect cure for loneliness

















Used to be, you would have to say "New York City" "LA Freeway" or the like to evoke the images of traffic nightmares...shudder..ohhh the horrors...

But now it's just about the same everywhere you go. I don't think the Census Takers have got the count just right. There's got to be more like a trillion people living in this country now, and I'm pretty sure most of them are in front of me in this picture.

I declared myself a Traffic Expert some years ago. Now mind you, nothing I would ever have to say would be useful, nor legal. I always had theories about the causes of traffic, but I didn't really have anything concrete to go on.

I mean there are the obvious causes, road construction (although I haven't figured out why it takes them 10 times longer to fix a 1 mile stretch of road than it did to build the whole 250 miles of the entire highway in the first place). There are disabled vehicles, detours, tolls, and of course accidents. Ahh, accidents. Come on, be honest...



















When you're sitting in traffic this deep, you know you want to get "up there" and take a look at the wreckage. Even though you know it's wrong, and sad, and all, you know you feel like that's the least that can be done to compensate you for the amount of time you're sitting here going nowhere!

There's always that secret little disappointment if the traffic breaks up and you are suddenly moving at normal speed without having seen a little Smash-up Derby.

Of course, as I said, there is the matter of Loneliness Cure. I mean, look at all the fun company I have here! I was almost tempted to start going door-to-door greeting these fine folks. Maybe get some snacks going.

My other theory kind of proved to be the case today. That theory comes into play whenever you get to areas of a highway where there are upgrades and curves. There are people who absolutely cannot maneuver their vehicles at an acceptable speed if there are curves or upgrades of any kind.

I don't think I'm the first one to come up with this idea of course, because in some places on the local highways, there are actually signs posted that say "Upgrade-Maintain Speed". Now if they have to post a sign to tell some moron that he is going up a hill, that pretty much validates my theory in two ways...some people can't drive, and some people are morons! Yayyy!


















Man, there are a lotta lanes here, and there are a lotta cars, too, huh? But in a moment, you will see that we cleared this little section of upgraded, curvy highway...

















See? You don't think I could make this stuff up, now, do you? We're up the hill, around the bend, and voila! Where did all the cars go? Alien abduction?


















By the way, ever notice you don't see so many smokestacks anymore? Where did those go?

Steeeee-rike THREE!!!!!!!!

Oh man.

I am not a baseball expert. I am a fan with limited knowledge of the game.

But I do know this. I was taught it as a kid in Little League, I learned it as a fan growing up.

YOU DO NOT STRIKE OUT "LOOKING" IN THE BOTTOM OF THE 9TH, BASES LOADED, 2 OUT, LAST GASP AT-BAT.

Go down swinging. You can NOT drive in a single run looking at a strike.

GO DOWN SWINGING!

Yeah, I'm a Met fan, and the Mets lost the NLCS on a strike-out in the bottom of the 9th inning, down to their last out, 2-strike count.

I'd have been better with it if Carlos Beltran had gone down swinging.

I'm gonna go to bed now.

PT 6 (formerly Rehab YAYYY!) 1000's and 1000's

So we've decided that "rehab" is not an apt description of what I'm doing. Physical Therapy is the more appropriate term, so I'm going to go with that from now on. Besides, I don't think I was ever "habbed", so "rehab" wouldn't apply to me.

Anyway, I do babble a lot.

Today, on this semi-beautiful Fall day, "Fall" almost took on a new meaning. I opened the front door and nearly went into the abyss. the front steps were gone. Gone where? Just gone. There was dirt there. No steps, just some dirt and sand. I mean the fall would have only been 1000 feet or so, and I probably would have survived, but it was a little odd to think someone came and took the steps. And so quietly. You'd think I'd be aware that the steps were being taken.

Turns out it wasn't exactly theft. Some fine fellas were hired by the Property manager to come on in and fix up the rickety brick steps. They'd successfully removed the old ones, and I guess decided a little rest was in order, so they took a break. No big. I just think a little "head's up" would have been in order. That's a hell of a drop.

So we managed that well enough. I even managed to drive over to the Physical Therapy Center in plenty of time. There are days that, although it's only 3 miles to the place, it feels like 1000 miles with all the dolts that are operating motor vehicles around here.

Had to stop in quick by the Doc before PT. He mentioned I might want to think about losing 1000 pounds or so, would really help my back to do that. I figure that's no good, because then I would weigh negative 800 pounds and that might not be beneficial to anyone.

We added a new exercise to the regimen today. No one was there to play with me today. The Therapist put this step thingy on the floor and instructed me to step up using the right leg, and then down using the right leg. Do it 1000 times I think he said. It was tiring.

Now we're incorporating back therapy in with the leg therapy. I have HNP of the l4 -l5 disc. Ruptured disc, herniated disc, just owwie. I have no recollection of any one thing I did to rupture said disc. Nor do I recall tearing the ACL. All's I know is I gots me some boo-boos. But they are getting better, and I can walk. The boo-boo on the spine from earlier in the year isn't a problem anymore.

So the new back exercises included one I would say is like "butterfly" lifts. Hold the weight in each hand and raise the weights up and out at my sides. Only problem I had was he had me using like 5 pound sissy weights. Hmmph.

Why did they have to make the sissy weights pink? It's bad enough I'm working out with something so light, now everyone gets to look and snicker at Big Boy hoisting pink weights. And doing BUTTERFLIES. Yeesh, I don't win.

Have fun tonight, whatever you do. Just make sure the steps are there first.

Imagine

I really try not to be bitchy in real life. Half of the grumpy persona I put out in here is more for comedic effect, just trying to be the "old grouch" at times, cause I think it's funny.

I think though, how great life can be when you have a few genuine, true friends that no one can take away from you, as hard as they might try. I'm smart enough to know who I can count on. And I'm glad that they know how I feel about them.

Can't take that away no-how. Imagine having friends that good. I do.

Rehab YAYYY 5

Well, rehab is going pretty well. I had to add a little more work to the mix, because we discovered a little problem with the old back-er-oo, in the form of a herniated disc. Between L4 and L5. HNP L4 L5... sounds like locations in a parking lot, doesn't it?

Anyway, I like the idea that they play music in the rehab center. I'm supposed to say Physical Therapy Center because rehab sounds like what movie stars and nasty politicians go into when the mess up. But I digress...

They pump in a station called 104.3 FM. Q104.3. Classic rock. The kind of music I used to listen to when it was NEW, not classic, and when I was doing things that could have sent me to rehab back then!

So a couple of classic tunes on at the most appropriate times yesterday. I was really struggling to do these whacky exercises for my back (think of a turtle lying on it's back) and the tune "Knock Knock Knockin' On Heaven's Door" came on. (BOB DYLAN not GUNS N ROSES) Very scary... and then when I got hooked up to the Electro thingy for ice-n-stim, Boston's "More Than A Feeling" came on. Very cool.

My gymnast buddy didn't come today... school trip. So I could go back to old man's pace for the day. I actually think even my hair hurts right now. She'll be there Thursday.

Fell asleep on the massage table. Didn't snore or drool or anything like that. It was all good. Got up very slowly after.

Doesn't matter. I WALKED THE AISLE AT THAT WEDDING.

Curiosity Taking Me "Away"

OK, I know I'm usually grumpy and sarcastic about nearly everything, but this is a genuine request for information to satisfy some curiosity.

I notice from time to time, that there are people who are logged on to their AOL or AIM accounts all day, with "away" messages up. Sometimes, if you look during the day, the away messages are different, too. But I mean they're logged on days at a time, with the "away" messages.

OK, so why is that? There's a reason for everything...

Time to Time

Sometimes a man wants the same thing that a woman wants. Sometimes a man sits home and hurts over the same things that women do.

From time to time, a man sits somewhere by himself, feeling that same sense of emptiness that results from a lost love; a part of his life that is now behind him, only it hasn't taken all the hurt away with it. As many differences as there are between us, the heart is the common ground, the one part of our souls that is nearly identical. Pain is pain, and tolerances vary, but there is a time when a man will sit and feel the very same anguish.

And we share happiness as well. Life isn't always about the sad moments. It's just that something stops for a while when we are faced with heartache. We can live on quite freely when times are good. It's just not as easy when the pain stares you in the face. We don't suffer from happiness, we share it, we show it, we live it.

Some of us know very well the value of true love in our lives. We know that lost love has nowhere to go when its time comes. Nothing disappears completely. We discard something in the trash, it may go out of sight, but there will always be remnants of it somewhere. And love is no exception to this. We may put it out of our minds eventually, maybe turn our backs on it, but somewhere, deep down, it will always exist.

It's just healthier for us to let it go, to lock it away in that little place in our heart that we rarely, but sometimes go back to. But there are those times where some of us hurt the same way, and it's not so easy.

Sometimes we miss you too.

I Deduce

So what is up with insurance companies and deductibles? It has always been a "given" that a deductible applies to any insurance claim, but who said they were ok in the first place, the INSURANCE COMPANY?

For instance, I went to file a claim on a stolen T-Mobile phone today, and the phone retails for $299. I paid for insurance on the phone. The customer service rep informed me that there is a $110 deductible in force on the policy. Which means that, in addition to my dinner tonight, I got to eat ONE HUNDRED AND TEN BUCKS!

OK...fine. But why? What purpose does a deductible serve, other than what I think is the obvious, aka another consumer screw-job? I mean I know what a deductible is...I don't know why it is.

Someone has to know. I don't. It's making my brain throb, so I'll stop now.

PsYcHiC

Oh I met a psychic over the weekend.

I was gonna rant and rave over my opinions of these kind folks, but I figure this:

If they're really psychic, they know how I feel already.

If they're claiming to be, but aren't, then I don't care.

My work is done here.

Back Up - Rehab Yayyy 4

So I mentioned a little more trouble for Old Stupid...

I thought I was doing pretty well. The legs were responding, I was getting some great range-of-motion results, the pain had pretty much let up, and things were looking up.

I'd gone to the wedding rehearsal and dinner on Wednesday evening. I almost half expected to be sore and stiff on Thursday because I hadn't ridden in a car for that length of time for quite a while.

Sore and stiff would have been welcome, believe me.

I woke up Thursday morning. Couldn't get out of bed. Couldn't walk. What I could manage to do was panic. I had my goal set months ago: walk down that aisle at my brother's wedding without being mistaken for Frankenstein. (at least not because of my gait- gotta work on the looks, lol)

I was absolutely unable to walk. As luck would have it, I did have a doctor's appointment set up that very day, to get my assessment. I also had a therapy session set up. I made the Doc appointment through the grace of God.

Doc took a look at me, and said "What the hell happened to you now?"

I gave him the details. Next thing, up on the table, Xrays, blah blah. Diagnosis: HNP L4 L5.

LOL, I didn't quite understand it either. Translation: herniated disc in the lower back, specifically the Lumbar spine.

Hmm, whatever. That's doc talk. Can I walk?

That's where the Physical Therapist came in. Stretches, electro-stim, ice and rest. Stretches almost feel good when you're hurting like that. Ice...God bless ICE! Electro-stim: designed to make you scream and cry ordinarily, but in time of need, yayyy! It works a lot.

My goal was now "make it through Friday...deal with life on Saturday". Sounded like a plan.

And that is how it worked out. I walked the aisle, both ways, and survived. Only managed 1 semi-dance with my 7 year old daughter, and pretty much took in the reception from the sidelines.

BUT!

I made the wedding, and achieved my goals.

Happy Stupid.

Delightful

"Delightful" is a word you don't hear much anymore, but it still means something, and it's still a good description if you ask me.

I attended my brother's wedding on Friday. Yes, it was Friday the 13th, but I have a feeling if one marriage is going to put all the superstitions to rest, his will be it.

His Bride is a delightful woman. You always hear descriptions of people as "kind, caring, genuine, decent, loving", but how many times in your life can you sit back and honestly assess someone that way? So rare that you see the union of 2 people who truly seem to be perfect for each other. I think this might be one of those times. We should all be so lucky.

The affair was delightful. (and by affair I'm talking about the WEDDING! They just got married for crying out loud!). It was held at a country club in Bethpage NY. I've been to weddings of all types, and I've seen good ones and not-so-good ones, but this one rated as GREAT. The entire staff was above-and-beyond competent. My only complaint: no women in boots. Rats. Not cold enough yet, I guess. I had a delicious meal, believe me, and they ran one of those "Venetian Hours" after the cutting of the cake. Imagine about 100 feet of tables loaded with nothing but DESSERTS! Again, my only complaint: not having enough arms to carry all the stuff I wanted to jam down my fat throat!

My kids were delightful. They were all dressed up, looking beautiful, and feeling beautiful. Nothing makes a Daddy smile bigger than seeing his kids react to compliments. Warms the old, Stupid heart a whole bunch.

But there was something else that was delightful. And unexpected.

A friend of my brother's flew in from New Mexico to attend the wedding. Melanie has been a long-time friend of his, so I was very familiar with her, and very glad to see her. She is one of those people you get to meet now and then, who again, fits all those descriptions you hear about folks. She looks into your eyes when you speak to her, and you can tell she is actually hearing you. And even though she may know only 10 minutes worth of my life story, she acted as though I was the most important person on earth. She is delightful.

She brought her partner Maggie with her. Incredible when there are two-of-a-kind in the same room. Maggie had a smile that lit up her whole face, and she is one of the most gentle people I have ever met. These women made me feel so important and special, that I'll never be able to thank them enough for their kindness and warmth. I'm still beat up, physically, so getting dressed and ready for the wedding was a little tough. The knees are on the mend, but we recently discovered a couple of ruptured discs in the old spine, which explains the recurring "OWWW"'s that popped up now and then. Never thought I could hate shoes! But the whole process was made a lot easier because of Melanie and Maggie. They're just kind, compassionate women, and that makes things better.

And I can't forget Sadie. She attended with one of my brother's closest friends, and coincidentally, also flew in from New Mexico. Her boyfriend, Keith, introduced us, we chatted, and she saw the distress I was in. She told me to wait a minute, ran off, and returned with a tube of analgesic creme for me to apply to the old aching back. And it helped and all, but just the act of kindness from an essential stranger was medicine enough for me.

A lot of fun, a lot of kindness. I was a happy boy by yesterday. We all stayed overnight in a local hotel after the wedding. I got to see most everyone the next morning at our group breakfast. But no Melanie, no Maggie. I was a little sad when the time came to head on out, because I really wanted to see them, and get one more hug from Melanie.

Two seconds before I stuffed myself into the car for my ride, I looked up and there she was. Smiling and coming my way.

I got my hug.

I loved that wedding.

Best Wishes to my brother and his new wife. Love to them both.

And thanks, Melanie, Maggie and Sadie. Love to you too. Delightful people.

I Crave A Ramble

Katie Couric might be in trouble. I have always liked her, but since the move to the evening news, she is FLAT. Why is she doing the robot? I know she has to maintain a certain decorum, but...zzzzz

Lewis Black made me laugh out loud. That's right: LOL.

If you acquaint yourself with 100,000 people in your life, but only wind up with 1 true friend, I still say it was worth it.

Someone told me I was "sweet" today. That is, by God, the nicest compliment that I am ever given. I'd love to qualify to have that on my grave. Not handsome, not suave, not rich, not famous. Just "sweet". I love that so much.

I think if the Democrats blow the next Presidential Election, they need to go out of business. How's that?

I know that a lot of people say "love hurts". But loving someone so much that it hurts is a lot better. I know how it feels, 3 times over, because I have 3 children whom I love so much it hurts. I only regret that I don't get to be with them nearly as much as I need to be.

As of October 12th, 2006, I have broken 236,824 things in my life. Don't let me hold the good china, ok?

So I thought when the Doc repaired the legs, the boo-boos would be all gone, all better. I have a ruptured disc in my back. Oh yay. Boo-boos not all gone. How do you know what the hell hurts if your WHOLE BODY FALLS APART? I'm not allowed to fall anymore.

Clinical depression is not self-inflicted, nor is it anything to be ashamed of, any more than the measles would be. It's an illness. It can be treated. It is treated. Shame is not part of the equation. No one asks for a common cold either. But get help.

I mention, quite often, that boots on a woman does it for me. May I also add that black stockings with said boots is a bonus? Or is that too weird? If it's weird, why would anyone wear them?

I like Jewel's music. I also think she is incredibly beautiful. She also has a shape, and some curves. She will not fit inside a drinking straw. And guess what? That's a good thing.

When a woman cries, it affects me. Every time. Without fail. I wish no one had to cry sad tears. Happy tears pretty though.

If you put your foot through the TV screen, you can't watch it any more. Change the channel instead.

I don't remember if I got screwed more before or after I had medical insurance. It reminds me of a line I once uttered: "no sex tonight Dear, I got f*cked all day".

That's rude, isn't it? Sorry, I wasn't going to add that line, but I already clicked the PUBLISH button.

I wish I was born rich instead of Stupid.

How do you spell "enthusiasm"?

I found another empty plate in the fridge today.

If you found you had 100,000 comments on an entry, would you try to read them all?

One thing the Internet has taught me: no matter what anyone writes...it could be the nicest thing EVER...someone will find a way to disagree or complain. And no matter WHAT the topic is on a message board, someone will post something derogatory about the President, and someone else will blast a religious blurb into the discussion. I am never, ever, EVER going to be ok with anyone who hates another while using religion as a podium. My God doesn't encourage me to hate. Simple enough.

Last thought...

I was reading up on Amazon.com's shipping policies. It said that standard delivery can take up to 21 days. Do they now WALK your product to your house or something?

Night.

Chicken or the Egg?

The title says it all. Your head can spin when you face certain discussions. In our world, there is a cause and effect for everything. But identifying which is which...that's when the noggin starts twirling.

I read a really well thought out journal entry today. If you'd like, you can check it out here:

The basis of a lot of discussion is one that comes back and goes away, and comes back again with alarming regularity, the discussion about beauty in our society, or more precisely, at what weight is a woman considered beautiful. But who is making the decisions? Are we trying to fit into really tight clothes because the designers tell us to, or are the designers making really tight clothes because we tell them to?

Right now the catch-name is "pencil thin" for models. That's pretty accurate, as a lot of these women do closely resemble the ol' No.2, complete with the eraser. Their heads appear to be the biggest part of their bodies.

The thing that's driving me nuts is, everything in our economy is driven by supply and demand. (well, except for petroleum prices, which is just idiotic speculation that's eventually going to cost a lot of people a whole lotta cash, but that's for another day). When you watch these Fashion shows every year, these spaghetti strands in spaghtetti straps come prancing down the catwalk, barely visible to the naked eye. It's almost to the point where leaving the clothes on the hanger would give the outfits a better shape.

But why, year after year, do these women who are this close to actually existing at a negative weight, get to sashay down the walk? They can't even run the air conditioning at these shows because the models will blow away now.

Oh and, how many among us didn't secretly chuckle at the video of the poor model who took not 1 but 3 falls on the ramp the other day.

Sorry, I rambled off track there.

Anyway, the way I see the fashion industry operating is not really any different than the way I see any other business. They sell what sells. These designers are making money selling these ridiculous outfits to someone.

Same with the tabloids. They print what sells. Magazines like "Star" fly off the shelf at a pretty good rate, along with other such titles as "Us" and "People", although "People" tries to mix in just a touch of intelligent reading.

Now the ones who have the biggest problems with the whole weight issue are obviously the women who are normal in this country. But here's my problem with the whole situation:

Most guys I know aren't buying "Star" or "Us". Guys do have rags of their own, like "Maxim" and "Stuff" and "FHM", but those magazines don't seem to have the same circulations as the first two. And I can tell you, from what I read, every time one of the tabloids publishes an issue with the Lollypop girls on the cover, they hit pay dirt. But who is buying the magazines?

I'm probably going to get whupped for this, but I think women are their own worst enemy when it comes to this whole mess. As I said, someone is in the stores, buying up the fashion that these dopes are peddling off the barely-there, boney-as-hell backs of the uber-thin Pencil Models. If these folks weren't making a dime with an obviously existing clientele, they would either change their practices, or go out of business.

It works with every business, but none are so fickle as the fashion industry, and the entertainment industry. Look at "Reality Shows: one guy hits the jackpot with a reality show, and suddenly every moron who ever had his 15 minutes of fame, is getting another 15 or 20 to gag us with.

Bottom line, folks, "money talks". If they can sell it, they will, if they can't, they won't. Women keep magazines like "Star" and "Us" in business, just like they keep the fashion designers in great wealth. Protests and outcry don't work. They garner attention to the complainer for a short time, sure, but they often backfire and pile on a whole bunch of negative, but valuable publicity on the target. We're only looking at Paris Hilton because someone figured out that the whole bullshit act is capable of raking in some serious coin. Her naughty video did more for her career than anything else she ever did, because afterward, people couldn't get enough of her. And until they do, we can sit back and watch her rule the world.

But reality sucks. If the images of Nicole Richie or Kiera Knightley sell more blouses than those of Rosie O'Donnell and Queen Latifah, guess whose image is going to be in the catalogue next spring?

If you want to make a difference, just stop buying the stuff. Don't shop at Victoria's Secret if you think they cast an unrealistic image of women. Ignore Nicole Miller the same way that she ignores you. Refuse to buy clothes that it's physically painful for you to wear.

Buy the products of a company like "Dove", who is trying really hard to change our perception of beauty, with it's "Campaign For Real Beauty".

I'm telling you, it's simplistic, but it's the only language they understand. No bucks? Oh you'll have their attention in no time.

The Metro-Sexual look worked for a while, but it was a passing fad. 1. Guys don't want to dress up like that 2. Women got sick of fighting over the mirror with their boys and 3. Queer Eye got sickening after a while. So, POOF. Buh bye Metro...

We guys get a lot of the blame. We do. And maybe we deserve a lot of what we do get. But we don't generally buy your clothes for you, and we generally don't read those magazines. Yeah we are losers, drooling over "hottt" women, but we don't drive the market, because gawking is free.

So why is the waif look still hanging on the shelves?

I don't know, just something I ponder.

Anybody There?

Just in keeping with the last article I put here, there is another side to the situation I'd just like to touch on.

Is it me, or are there fewer and fewer places that one can go to to get some "alone time"? It seems to me that, no matter where you go these days, there's "always somebody there". In my older days, if you had to head out on the road at some ungodly hour of the overnight, the one consolation was that you'd at least have a good portion of the road to yourself, making for a somewhat easier drive.

Now I don't know about you, but I am never going to "be ok" with a traffic jam on some highway at 3 AM. In my world, "patience" and "driving" have never been particularly fond bedmates. But I'm thinking it's a rare person who could sit in bumper to bumper traffic at that hour of the night.

And it's not just the roads that seem to be permanently "sleepless". I think about just 11 or 12 years ago, if you found yourself in dire need of some baby supplies, or something like that, and it was well past midnight on a weeknight, you didn't have to bother dressing up too much because you could pretty much count on a quick "in and out" of the convenience store at that hour.

Not so, anymore. It seems like no one calls it a day anymore. Everywhere you go, there's somebody there! On a recent, rare, day off I packed the kids into the car and headed out to our old "desert island" type retreat. It's what I thought was a little-known little recreation spot that's tucked way up in the corner of State parkland. Little parking lot, picnic area, and usually, the only other soul you might meet was the solitary Park Ranger who might be making the rounds.

This time, however, the parking lot was jammed full, and there were people everywhere! I mean, I'm not completely anti-social, but damn, it would have been nice to just plop on the grass somewhere and hang out with the kids.

Seems everything has become an "attraction" now. Rush hour is pretty much 24/7, and you have so few places to go where you can just go.

Any thoughts?

Turn Back

Let's do something together. Let's walk down the street and find people we feel are unlovable, or failures in business, or people we just feel can never be happy or amount to anything. And let's end their misery, put an end to their miserable existence. Total strangers we deem to be without hope. Just do 'em in.

Sounds crazy? Who in their right mind would think of such a thing? Why would you do that to a total stranger?

So then why would you do it to yourself?

I remember not too long ago, a number of factors came together and led me to arrive at a very foolish decision. Chronic pain, chronic failure, strong medicines, and what I thought was a broken heart, all piled up on me and pushed me down a path I thought was my only option.

Our heart is a very powerful influence on our lives. It can override our brains, in that it sometimes clouds our judgement. I know that mine led me to believe that I'd reached the end of the road, and that it was time to throw in the towel. I had an irrational, misguided moment, and almost made a permanent decision.

Almost. First, the voice of a friend called me back to reality. That led me to realize how foolishly I'd been behaving. I lucked out.That made me get a grip, and see the consequences of my intended action before I actually went and did something I'd never be able to undo. I like to blame it on the excessive medications that had been prescribed for the chronic pain, but I know that I also was led a little astray by the heart.

I want to say something to anyone who might be thinking about making such a mistake. I am in no way a trained professional, so please don't misunderstand my intentions. I just want to tell anyone who might be where I was, think again, even if it's just one more time.

Just when you think there is no one left to care, just when you think that you've failed, please, take a moment, sit back and breathe. You've only failed if you can no longer try. As long as there is breath in your body, there is hope. Somewhere out there, there is someone who cares, and if you don't know who they are, it doesn't mean you've failed. It just means you haven't found them yet.

Don't let a broken heart fool you. A broken heart heals, if you let it. The loss of the love of another isn't the end of the game; just move to the next period because it's a whole new chance for you to meet the right one.

Don't ever let your life be dictated by someone else. Let your hair down; let your damned guard down a little. There's nothing wrong with trying to be a better person, but there really needs to be a point where you say, "hey, take a look at what's going on here..." and remember, you're your own harshest critic. Give someone a chance to appreciate what you're really about, they might surprise you. And you might surprise yourself. It might sometimes take the "person of your dreams" until the very last song of the evening to work up the nerve to ask you to dance. And when they do, won't you be glad that you didn't call it a night earlier?

If you're hurting, get help. Don't go it alone. Solitude at this point is your biggest enemy.

If you've already sought out help, and it's not doing the trick, find someone else to talk to. As in every other aspect of our lives, you might have to work a little to find the right fit. Chances are better that you can find the help you need, than not.

If you're thinking that there is no one out there who will give a damn, think again. Find me if there is no one else. I'm someone. I'm not a professional, but I can show you that "someone" is out there who just might think enough to listen to you.

If you're thinking that there is no hope, think one more time, please. You might be thinking that things can never get better. But the only time that things can not ever get better is the moment you stop trying. As long as you are alive, there is a very good chance that the day will come when things can get better.

I'm not spewing rhetoric. I'm not writing a Hallmark card. I'm just trying to tell you that all the clichés can matter: "for every door that closes, another one opens" "there's always tomorrow". Guess what? They are true. If you let them be true.

Do something today that you've never done before. That will show you how much life you haven't lived. Why cheat yourself?

Remember, you've only failed once you stop trying.

I'm nothing special, I'm no one unique, but I am proof that it can get better. When you hit bottom...bounce. No one says you have to stop trying.

So please don't.

False Advertising

I get a pain in my left lobe whenever I see a sign on a business that promises something along the lines of "same day service", or "guaranteed overnight delivery". It makes me cry to think of something that's "absolute" because for every rule, there is an exception, and take a look at me, 'cause I'm the "1" that's always excluded from "9 out of 10".

I always remember that guy, starving, seeing the "Open 24 hours" sign on the diner, and running to the door. But the door is locked, and he says to the guy inside the door "but your sign says 'open 24 hours', " and the guy replies "yeah, but not in a row!"

I have been engaged in mortal combat with a place called "Ritz 1-hour Photo" since the days of cave painting. I did say that I hate "absolutes", but I can say, without a doubt, that "Ritz" has never, ever, ever delivered my photos in an hour. See the problem is, it takes them an hour to develop the film from the moment someone actually picks up the film cartridge and slides it into the machine. That's not to say that you're getting the film back an hour after you drop it off. But I guess "Ritz 1-hour-after-we-get-around-to-your-pictures Photo" doesn't look so good on the sign. And you see, I'm an idiot. Every time I go there, the same thing happens. Then I bitch and complain, and they give me a coupon for a "free developing", and I go right on back. And the whole thing starts over again.

These guys are clever, too, so I do give them kudos for that. See, the dry cleaners around by me offers "same day service". I went in on a Wednesday to get a suit cleaned for a Saturday wedding. Long story short, I paid for same-day service, but I didn't get the suit delivered back to me until the following Wednesday. And the counter guy told me that it was Wednesday, so technically, it was same day service. Same day of the week, anyway.

And FedEx, good GOD! One day, I needed to get a package delivered by 10 AM the next day. I went to the website, followed the instructions to the letter, and placed the package outside the door. Good to go. So you can imagine how I felt the next day when I went out to get the newspaper, and it was placed neatly next to the FedEx envelope I'd placed there the day before. Guaranteed overnight delivery.

And I swear on my honor, that when I called to complain, and asked about the guarantee, the woman on the phone told me that the "guarantee" only applied to packages that they actually PICKED UP! That answer was so ballsy, that I actually accepted it, and hung up. I know when I'm licked, believe me. Continuing that conversation would have guaranteed overnight delivery of my body to the morgue.

Now I saw an ad that said "overnight laptop repair".

You know me.

The next time I fire the laptop against the wall, I'll go to the desktop and go to that website, just to subtract a few more years off of my life.

I'll keep you posted.

6 Weird Things TAG!

OK, so I get to play one of those "tag" games that go around. This one is called "6 Weird Things About Me". I was tagged by Marie over at "Photographs And Memories"

The only problem I have is figuring out which of the 324324432 weird things to publish, lol.

But here goes:

1. I always look at the face first when I see a woman. Then I look at her feet. Just happens.

2. Must be a thing with me...I love a woman in boots.

3. I watch movies that I enjoy, over and over. Not unusual for me to watch one 5 or 10 times.

4. I save handwritten notes from anyone who gives me one. Got a big box of them. I'd rather get a handwritten card or letter than a gift.

5. I will not get into my car without a beverage (non-alcoholic, wiseguys). To me it's as uncomfortable as leaving the house without clothes.

6. A woman dressed in any kind of athletic uniform (softball, soccer) is hot to me. HOT. I can't not look. And I blame it on this:

I guess I am supposed to tag others...

So here goes:

Ally

Jamie

Linda

Stacy

Emily

Sam

Have at it!

Happy Stupid

Sometimes, people do the things I want to...

Rehab YAYYY 3

OK, not too bad today. I'm feeling almost habbed.

Of course, going in early made a difference in that I didn't feel as though the session was as rushed. (hey, they wanna get home too, I guess).

It also meant that I met up with some stiff competition today. 14 year old girl. She's recovering from a broken HIP. Did it in gymnastics. Adorable, very talkative young lady, gave me all the details ("I didn't even cry, but I knew it was busted"- that was her talking...I cried like a baby, lol)

So we were side-by-side on the stationary bikes, and it started out harmlessly enough.

Pedal-pedal-pedal

"Ha, ha, I'm going faster than you"

I almost said "are NOT are NOT" but I resisted. Instead, honestly, I cranked it up a notch. So of course it turned into a race, and I pedaled faster, faster, faster, foot slipped off pedal, me and the bike flew out the window, landed 2 stories below in the parking lot. WHAM.

OK, not really. I just wanted to distract you from the fact that I got out-biked.

Anyway, everything we did, we did together, she just did it better is all. So cute. I wanted to feed her to a lion! She was very athletic, being a gymnast and all, and me being older than dirt, lost. OK????????

Ha. I loved it. First time I ever had fun at rehab. She was calling me Old Man 15 minutes into the session. She kindly noticed "Man you sweat a lot!"

My routine got a new exercise. You lie on your back, raise your legs, place feet firmly on the wall, and at the count of 3, push really hard and tip the building over.

Nope, again, not really. I wanted to use that to distract you from the fact that she did more reps on the leg press than I did. I did use more weight, but...

I feel well. I'm walking almost normally. I'm due to be in my brother's bridal party next Friday, coincidentally, Friday the 13th, and I'd rather not walk the aisle like Frankenstein. I need to look good in that tuxedo, ya know.

My new rehab partner and I finished up at about the same time, and we laid on the tables side-by-side for the electro-therapy. I was almost tempted to push the "RUSSIA" button on her machine when no one was looking, but thought better of it. My luck, she'd beat me up in front of everyone.

Honestly, though, she was delightful, and good for the spirits. Had everyone there smiling and laughing. I didn't even mind that it was AT MY EXPENSE! Kids can do that for you. I just wish I had that kind of spirits. I'd have been better a long time ago.

She told me to change my appointment to work out with her tomorrow. But tomorrow's my day off. Bratty and bossy. She's gonna do just fine.

Rehab YAYYY 2

Well had a nice full physical therapy session yesterday, with another today. I'm determined to get to my brother's wedding in a week (well, I'm going no matter what, I'd just prefer not to walk down the aisle like Frankenstein, ya know?)

I still cannot keep count.

Harold didn't die.

While I was on my 32432th rep with the leg lifts, the song in the background was "Knockin' On Heaven's Door".




This is that machine I was telling you about. The button on the far right in the 2nd row is the one that says "RUSSIAN" on it...shudderrrrr






When he hooked me up to that yesterday, Boston's "More Than a Feeling" came on. Gotta love 104.3 FM Home of Classic Rock.

Oh, and, if it's not too much to ask, could they possibly put LIGHTS in the parking lot of the rehab center for when it's night time?

History of tripping and falling and all...

2:30 appointment today. It'll be light out. Bye!

Homework

There she sat, my 7 year old daughter. Hunched over at the table, pencil in hand, tongue curled slightly toward her right cheek. She was hard at work completing her "vocabulary assignment". I sat in an adjacent room, watching TV with the volume turned low so as not to disturb my little scholar.

When she finished, she came into the room, carrying the notebook and pencil for me to check it. I looked over the work, checked it for accuracy and neatness. And as I signed my name to the page, I said, "That's beautifully done, Baby, nice work!"

When I looked up to hand her the book, there it was: the smile. Looked me right in the eye with the happy smile. She took her book and went back to pack it up in her schoolbag.

A moment of shared pride and happiness. It just doesn't get any better than that.

Abomination

There are just some things in life that defy any logical explanation.

The little Amish girls who were murdered in Lancaster, PA., died because Governor Ed Rendell of Pennsylvania slandered and blasphemed The Westboro Baptist "church".

This is according to the Westboro Baptist church, of course.

In a press release, the "church" is quoted as saying:

WBC to picket funerals of Pennsylvania school girls killed by a mad man in punishment for Gov. Ed Rendell's blasphemous sins against WBC. Gov. Ed Rendell - speaking and acting in his official capacity to bind the State of Pennsylvania - slandered and mocked and ridiculed and condemned Westboro Baptist Church on national Fox TV. Rendell also revealed a conspiracy to employ the State's police powers to destroy WBC in order to silence WBC's Gospel message. Co-conspirators identified by Rendell included state officials, citizens, lawyers, legislators and media.Gov, Rendell killed them.

The "church" plans to hold a protest at the funerals of the little girls to affirm the "church's" stance that these little girls were murdered as punishment by God for our tolerance of homosexuality.

In case you'd like to read more of the "preachings and teachings" of this "church", you can go to their website at: http://www.godhatesfags.com/main/index.html

That is the actual website address of this "church".

The Nature of Food

How wise is good ol' Mother Nature? Ya gotta love her. She, in her infinite wisdom, definitely had a Master Plan for the way things needed to work.

She even had it down for us when it came to food preparation. Think about it!

You cook with a teaspoon of salt, bake with a cup of sugar, 2 cups of flour, I mean, how convenient! Butter grows so that you use it in perfectly round measurements of tablespoons.

When you roast meat, it cooks delightfully at 350 degrees, not 319 1/2 degrees. And at 1/2 hour per pound in a lot of instances, even a moron like me can figure it out.

She messed up a little now and then. For instance, she intended some herbs as remedies as well as seasonings, but some of them got lost in translation. Everyone knows that "time heals all wounds", but that's actually "THYME heals all wounds". It's not a problem though, because with the way we eat in this country, it's only a matter of TIME before we eat something with THYME, and then we get all better.

Of course, her plan isn't perfect. I mean there are some little glitches...Water has to be difficult and boil at 212º, but that's ok.

You see, then Mother gave us BUBBLES to clue us in as to when to drop in that 3-minute egg (ANOTHER perfect plan, by the way)

Yeah, Mother Nature does throw us a curve now and then so that Ms Necessity,(you know, The Mother of Invention), gets to play now and then too. I mean, that's how we got the Egg McMuffin and Tacos. So it's not all bad.

Bon Appetit!

The Innocents

God help this earth if a mind can become so deranged that it can rationalize attacking and murdering little girls.

There is hope out there I'm sure of it. But I just don't see it right now.

Love your kids a little extra tomorrow.

Warm and Fuzzy

You know, when it comes to death, one second you're alive, the next you're not. Doesn't matter how it happens, no matter how long you hang on, there's that moment: alive one, dead next.

Pretty simple, right?

Our lives are full of "one minute you are, the next you're not" moments, but somehow, they don't appear to be so easily defined. They can be very confusing, unlike death, but like death they suck when you figure them out.

Like aging. It takes a while, but there has to be one moment when you're no longer young, right? Is it a weekend thing? Like some Saturday night, maybe when you turn the clocks ahead, you're suddenly old? Hey, I know most people think it's a gradual process, but there is that one moment in time when you cross the line. You either are, or you aren't right?

Oh we try so hard to fend it off, hair dyes, line creams, tanning solutions, but it's inevitable. You get to the point where one more facelift and you wind up walking around with a bare skull. It's sad, but true.

Makes me think...one of these days, Madonna's going to parade out on stage in one of the slinky outfits, and everyone's gonna go "Ewwwww" and be all creeped out. There is a point where a woman has to stop dressing like that!

I think though, the more traumatic life event isn't getting old, but rather turning warm.

As in un-cool.

Again, you can fight the good fight. You can try and stay cool. And my generation has the Internet to try and hold back the moment. I mean, you can try and stay hip by cruising something like myspace (although if you're a parent, this could make you kill yourself, and then you could have stopped reading this after the first paragraph).

But the thought of some ol' Biff standing with his kids and at the wrong moment blurting out something like "fo shizzle", well hell, I wouldn't want to do that to a kid. Their lives are hard enough.

There is a moment when you would be on that brink. And you stay quiet.

The kid knows you stayed quiet. You see a look of gratitude for keeping your trap shut.

So maybe you get to be cool one more day.

Lippy

I spent a good portion of my life hating my big old lips. They were too big, and I got teased. I hated those lips!

A few weeks ago, someone asked "Oohh where did you get your lips done?"

People now want to pay to have what I hated. Go figure.

*Lippy Out.

Viewpoint

I finally got to catch an episode of "The View" today. What I came away wondering was, why do they bother to have guests on the show? These hosts didn't shut up for a minute; they would ask the guests questions, and then pretty much answer them themselves.

This being Breast Cancer Awareness Month, there were a couple of guests I would have liked to have heard from, but they barely got a word in edgewise.

I did manage to see some worthwhile information, and thought I'd pass along the links.

Warriors in Pink Ford's program for Breast Cancer Awareness

The Virtual Quilt Add a patch of your own to the Breast Cancer Awareness Quilt.

The Susan G. Koman Foundation

Clean For The Cure a cool partership with Oreck Vacuums

Improvements

These days, it seems like improvements and upgrades are no longer options to the consumer. Years ago, the customers called the shots. You didn't have to have a new-fangled "hi-fi" to listen to the radio, and if you chose to, you could watch your favorite programs on a black & white TV.






I think it started with 8-track tape. The tape manufacturers decided that it was time to move to cassettes, and away they went. Sure, cassettes played better, but...

Then of course, cassette tapes got bumped by CD's, and now CD's seem to be threatened by MP3's thanks to the Ipod. I think the death of the CD might be put off a little, because the Ipod isn't that great, and a lot of people don't care for them. Apple has taken a very haughty attitude toward the customer base, as if it's a privilege to own an Ipod, and if you happen to get one that doesn't work (and those are pretty good odds, by the way) you better prepare to grovel if you want to get it fixed or replaced. So I'm not sure the CD shelves are gonna disappear just yet.

Cable TV is the latest industry going through the upgrade-a-week phase, along with the television manufacturers. There are more and more offerings in HDTV, and we've pretty much gone over to digital cable coast-to-coast. HDTV doesn't really impress the majority quite yet, and it seems like you need a Degree to sort out the options for the sets that are out there. And digital cable has a lot of problems.

For instance, with the new and improved digital comes this problem.





I was watching a Food Network Program this morning. Regular old cable would show you a picture like this.

Color picture, no problem.









With the new-and-improved "digital cable", you get little treats like this:







All the pretty little boxes show up whenever the signal-strength isn't 100%. So I'm not too impressed with that output just yet.

I hope they figure out how to fix that before they jam this technology down our throats. I had enough of forced "improvements" after dealing with America Online all these years.




Of course, any day now, they're gonna replace me, but I'm doing my best to stay "new and improved" myself. Learn something new every day, so to speak. And I did.

So, do you know the name of Abraham Lincoln's Vice President from 1860 to 1865?

No Googling...honest answers.