Jam!

Yayyy! Traffic jams are so fun. It's the perfect cure for loneliness

















Used to be, you would have to say "New York City" "LA Freeway" or the like to evoke the images of traffic nightmares...shudder..ohhh the horrors...

But now it's just about the same everywhere you go. I don't think the Census Takers have got the count just right. There's got to be more like a trillion people living in this country now, and I'm pretty sure most of them are in front of me in this picture.

I declared myself a Traffic Expert some years ago. Now mind you, nothing I would ever have to say would be useful, nor legal. I always had theories about the causes of traffic, but I didn't really have anything concrete to go on.

I mean there are the obvious causes, road construction (although I haven't figured out why it takes them 10 times longer to fix a 1 mile stretch of road than it did to build the whole 250 miles of the entire highway in the first place). There are disabled vehicles, detours, tolls, and of course accidents. Ahh, accidents. Come on, be honest...



















When you're sitting in traffic this deep, you know you want to get "up there" and take a look at the wreckage. Even though you know it's wrong, and sad, and all, you know you feel like that's the least that can be done to compensate you for the amount of time you're sitting here going nowhere!

There's always that secret little disappointment if the traffic breaks up and you are suddenly moving at normal speed without having seen a little Smash-up Derby.

Of course, as I said, there is the matter of Loneliness Cure. I mean, look at all the fun company I have here! I was almost tempted to start going door-to-door greeting these fine folks. Maybe get some snacks going.

My other theory kind of proved to be the case today. That theory comes into play whenever you get to areas of a highway where there are upgrades and curves. There are people who absolutely cannot maneuver their vehicles at an acceptable speed if there are curves or upgrades of any kind.

I don't think I'm the first one to come up with this idea of course, because in some places on the local highways, there are actually signs posted that say "Upgrade-Maintain Speed". Now if they have to post a sign to tell some moron that he is going up a hill, that pretty much validates my theory in two ways...some people can't drive, and some people are morons! Yayyy!


















Man, there are a lotta lanes here, and there are a lotta cars, too, huh? But in a moment, you will see that we cleared this little section of upgraded, curvy highway...

















See? You don't think I could make this stuff up, now, do you? We're up the hill, around the bend, and voila! Where did all the cars go? Alien abduction?


















By the way, ever notice you don't see so many smokestacks anymore? Where did those go?