Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Turn Back

Let's do something together. Let's walk down the street and find people we feel are unlovable, or failures in business, or people we just feel can never be happy or amount to anything. And let's end their misery, put an end to their miserable existence. Total strangers we deem to be without hope. Just do 'em in.

Sounds crazy? Who in their right mind would think of such a thing? Why would you do that to a total stranger?

So then why would you do it to yourself?

I remember not too long ago, a number of factors came together and led me to arrive at a very foolish decision. Chronic pain, chronic failure, strong medicines, and what I thought was a broken heart, all piled up on me and pushed me down a path I thought was my only option.

Our heart is a very powerful influence on our lives. It can override our brains, in that it sometimes clouds our judgement. I know that mine led me to believe that I'd reached the end of the road, and that it was time to throw in the towel. I had an irrational, misguided moment, and almost made a permanent decision.

Almost. First, the voice of a friend called me back to reality. That led me to realize how foolishly I'd been behaving. I lucked out.That made me get a grip, and see the consequences of my intended action before I actually went and did something I'd never be able to undo. I like to blame it on the excessive medications that had been prescribed for the chronic pain, but I know that I also was led a little astray by the heart.

I want to say something to anyone who might be thinking about making such a mistake. I am in no way a trained professional, so please don't misunderstand my intentions. I just want to tell anyone who might be where I was, think again, even if it's just one more time.

Just when you think there is no one left to care, just when you think that you've failed, please, take a moment, sit back and breathe. You've only failed if you can no longer try. As long as there is breath in your body, there is hope. Somewhere out there, there is someone who cares, and if you don't know who they are, it doesn't mean you've failed. It just means you haven't found them yet.

Don't let a broken heart fool you. A broken heart heals, if you let it. The loss of the love of another isn't the end of the game; just move to the next period because it's a whole new chance for you to meet the right one.

Don't ever let your life be dictated by someone else. Let your hair down; let your damned guard down a little. There's nothing wrong with trying to be a better person, but there really needs to be a point where you say, "hey, take a look at what's going on here..." and remember, you're your own harshest critic. Give someone a chance to appreciate what you're really about, they might surprise you. And you might surprise yourself. It might sometimes take the "person of your dreams" until the very last song of the evening to work up the nerve to ask you to dance. And when they do, won't you be glad that you didn't call it a night earlier?

If you're hurting, get help. Don't go it alone. Solitude at this point is your biggest enemy.

If you've already sought out help, and it's not doing the trick, find someone else to talk to. As in every other aspect of our lives, you might have to work a little to find the right fit. Chances are better that you can find the help you need, than not.

If you're thinking that there is no one out there who will give a damn, think again. Find me if there is no one else. I'm someone. I'm not a professional, but I can show you that "someone" is out there who just might think enough to listen to you.

If you're thinking that there is no hope, think one more time, please. You might be thinking that things can never get better. But the only time that things can not ever get better is the moment you stop trying. As long as you are alive, there is a very good chance that the day will come when things can get better.

I'm not spewing rhetoric. I'm not writing a Hallmark card. I'm just trying to tell you that all the clich├ęs can matter: "for every door that closes, another one opens" "there's always tomorrow". Guess what? They are true. If you let them be true.

Do something today that you've never done before. That will show you how much life you haven't lived. Why cheat yourself?

Remember, you've only failed once you stop trying.

I'm nothing special, I'm no one unique, but I am proof that it can get better. When you hit bottom...bounce. No one says you have to stop trying.

So please don't.


  1. This is an amazing entry, and I know someone who could use it. Thanks.

  2. That's about as perfect as it gets.

    I've been there...not proud of it...but it's true. And I have to fight to not go back.

    I hope that someone who needs to hang on to some hope...reads this and reaches out. I've just found that the hardest part for me about reaching out...is not finding a hand waiting for me.
    It's important to reach out to the right people I've found.
    Beautiful entry, Jimmy.

  3. Oh Jimmy,
    How right you are honey. Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem. And its so sad to see the family that is left behind.
    Love you honey!

  4. Very encouraging words Jimmy! I've been there as well, and thank God I have kids because they are probably the only reason I'm still here........

    I'm sure what you've written will help someone out there!

  5. While I'm not at the point where I'd be making any kind of bad permanent decision, I am struggling with life at the moment. So this was a really good entry for me to come across. Thank you Jimmy.
    ((((( hugs for you )))))
    Sara x

  6. Anonymous7:58 PM

    God Bless you Jimmy! There's nothing to add to this perfect entry. It says it all....


  7. So beautifully stated, Jimmy. Believe me, I know what you are talking about. I, too, had a time when I saw no hope for change. I, too, had to hit rock bottom. But, then I had to remind myself that when you hit the bottom, the only direction is UP ! A whole lot easier said than done, but it CAN be done. Thanks for an entry that is sure to help a lot of people. Tina

  8. ....Boi,you said it....we've all been there...thank God not all at the same time..someone's gotta be there to pull us up.

  9. Jimmy, I love you. You truely are a beautiful soul.


  10. Anonymous6:25 PM

    I needed that....cuz that is me right now.

    Thanks luv,


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